Tick Tock...

Today was one of those days. Not a bad day...just one of those days we all have where it feels like anything you try to do is like pulling teeth...painful and drawn out. Today was the day that when the alarm went off I wanted to burrow even further under the covers and pretend that if I couldn't see the world then the world couldn't see me. Today was the day that I could not inject enough caffeine into my system to keep up with the ever changing moods of my children, and I most definitely should have followed my gut instinct and stayed home.

But oh... that would've been just way to easy now wouldn't it? Who likes easy??

Usually on days like these my kids sense the energy surrounding me and many things happen at once. It's like you can see the gears engaging in their brains and everything snapping into place as they decide unanimously: Let's make this a REALLY fun day for Mommy. Duh duh duhhhhhhhh...

Let's see if we can squirt the entire tube of blue Spiderman toothpaste on the bathroom counter because it smells REALLY REALLY good and if a little is good then a lot must be better! And oh look...it makes excellent swirls on the wall and ohhhh...it tastes good too!

Let's insist and chant that we have eggs for breakfast only to shout that we HATE eggs and that they are poop and that we wanted cereal all along...or better yet...lets just stick our fingers into the butter dish and ohhhhh...doesn't that feel nice? Kind of like chapstick...oh let me paint your face while you paint mine...

Let's decide to put on our own clothes without Mommy's help, but not the ones on the top of the drawer. Ohhh nooooo...let's first pull ALL of our clothes out of the dresser so we can lay out a bazillion different combinations of outfits only to decide that really we don't need to wear clothes after all. Clothes are overrated...underwear and rain boots are just fine, thank you.

Yes...on days like today it takes a lot of searching to find something to be thankful for. Believe me--I had to really dig deep for this entry.

But it did come to me eventually...TIME. It moves on, it passes, and no matter what it keeps going. Sometimes slower (oh so much slower) than I want it to and others much MUCH too fast. Sometimes you have plenty of it for yourself and other days you are scraping bits and pieces together just to catch your breath and hold on to your sanity. It's one of the biggest struggles I face as a mother...time and how to spend it so that there is balance in my own life and in the lives of my children.

In today's case, no matter what the day had held for me, bed time did finally arrive signaling that their time was over for the day so that I could have a little of my own. Whew.

Now as I sit here and savor my glass of wine I have to say that I will be ready for whatever tomorrow may bring...as long as my sweet little beasts sleep for a good 12 hours straight and I am able to invest a little time in myself.

And in cleaning up blue toothpaste off of the wall.
Sigh...

Loud and Clear...

The art of speaking clearly. Something that many of us aim to achieve but just end up saying a whole lot without really saying much at all. Too bad we can't just take a lesson or two from young children. They have no problem at all telling you EXACTLY what they think at any given time. Even if the time isn't quite so appropriate.

Enter Devin Michael...my firstborn and boy child. He is a precocious and very physical boy that looks like the spitting image of his father. (Neither of my kids look a thing like me although I do swear I had something to do with it.) I can however see a small bit of myself in my son through his temperament and personality. Sensitive, thoughtful...a "talker". Ahhh, a talker. Yes, this is where the fun begins.

A recent trip to the pediatrician's office was definitely one to remember. We were there for Sienna who was recovering from a small bout of pneumonia and was getting her lungs checked. Due to the fact that my husband was at work, Devin got to accompany us to the doctor's office. Mind you, this was not my first choice...in my eyes going anywhere "important" with two kids under 4 in tow is NEVER good idea.

Now is a perfect time to mention that my almost 4 year old son cannot say some of his sounds yet. L's and W's get mixed up...and he really has a tough time with saying blends. "ST" usually comes out as the "D" sound..."SP" usually comes out as an "F" sound and so on. We really work with him but I've been told that muscles have to develop and blah blah blah...in a nutshell--it will come.

Ahh, but not soon enough.

So we find ourselves in the exam room with the young doctor when all the fun begins.

Devin: (said in one HUGE breath) "My name is Devin Michael and I am almost 4 and this is my sister Sienna and I am her big brother and my job is to keep her safe my daddy is at work and sometimes he plays tag with me and I have a dog named Kula and this is my mommy and..."
*insert a GIANT intake of breath
Devin: "...we go on walks and ride bikes and Sienna is a "dinker" (stinker) but Mommy still wuvs her and is she going to get an owie shot?
Doctor: "Well hello Devin...no I don't think she will get an owie shot. Wow, it is so nice to meet you...you like to do a lot of things. Let's look at your sister...
Devin: "I do like to do a wot of things...I like to walk with daddy and...and I have two sticks.
*insert awkward silent moment because although my son MEANT to say sticks...he did in fact NOT say sticks. Being unable to say "ST" he instead inserted a "D" sound at the beginning of that word. Ahh...yes you get it now...
Doctor: "Wow...hmmm...okay, Sienna come over here...
Devin: "I do...I have two sticks (insert other word mentioned above)...I use them to walk with...they are VERY big...
*insert a longer and even MORE awkward pause..

At this point I had to jump in and rescue the poor doctor as she was looking back and forth from my son to me like "my god woman...what is WRONG with your child???" I quickly explained what he meant to say instead and instantly you could see relief flooding her face. "Whew," she said, "I thought maybe we'd be examining two kids today instead of one!"

This was not the last time Devin told unsuspecting folk about his "sticks". On a recent walk to the mailbox we ran into some new neighbors who were out retrieving their mail as well. The young husband was completely speechless when Devin introduced himself and immediately told him as well that he had two "sticks". It would seem that Devin likes to tell anyone he meets about his "sticks"...the cashier at the grocery store, the elderly librarian--who I might add looked like she might keel over after hearing Devin's announcement, mothers at the park, my parents...it's truly endless.

As his mother, I am thankful that my son feels confident enough to socialize and introduce himself to new people while explaining interesting things about himself.

I also secretly love to see the horrified looks on their faces when he tells them all about his two "sticks"...

We'll be working on those blends...don't you worry. Till then, if you meet Devin you might want to steer clear of conversations involving "sticks".

Full Circle...

On a rare occasion my children will have moments where they play beautifully together. For about 45 seconds...and then all hell breaks loose again. These moments are of course precious and tender and make your heart go "ahhhhh..." They are also very telling and educational, a quick glimpse into the world that my kids live in.

My daughter, Sienna, has never been one to be a "girly" girl. Only recently has she shown any interest in "pretty" things or in allowing us to even tame her head of curls with a barrette or two. She usually can be found running around in her diaper (ah yes, potty training has not gone over so well with her...) with a trail of clothes spread out behind her. Once in a while she will pull out a doll and her baby stroller and play "mommy" and this is where my true education begins.

Mommy Sienna: "Baby, ahhh baby, I wuv you. Sit in your chair, we go on walk"
*insert action of baby being stuffed into the stroller by her head. Note to self: never let Sienna near a newborn unattended.
Mommy Sienna: "Baby Ella is going for a walk. Oh my goodness...Baby Ella you poops! Time to change!"
*insert action of baby being dumped out of the stroller similar to how a dump truck would lighten its load.
Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby Ella, you are tinky! Oh my goodness, what is 'appenin here? You go timeout! You no poops on the carpet! Bad baby bad baby bad baby!!
*insert action of baby being shoved into the wall face first and Sienna standing behind her with her hands on her hips counting to ten.
Mommy Sienna: "One, two, seven, three, eight...TEN! Okay baby, you get out now."
*again, insert stuffing action into the chair, but this time baby's head is now positioned backwards to her body. Baby won't fit in the chair, so more stuffing ensues...eventually baby goes in upside down.
Mommy Sienna: "Now I go to work. Bye Baby Ella, I wuv you. Oh my goodness! What is 'appenin here? No poops on the carpet! NO POOPS ON THE CARPET! Bad baby...now you go time out!!! I'm the boss! I AM THE MOMMY SO I AM THE BOSS! You go time out NOWWWWWWWWW!!"

So there is something quite ironic about hearing your own words come out of your child's mouth. No, I have never stuffed Sienna into the stroller by her head OR upside down (although the thought HAS occurred to me before), and no I haven't sent her to timeout for "poops on the carpet". I am thinking that I may need to do a check of my house though...is there something I don't know about hiding in their bedroom???

I know for a fact that at one point in our lives or another we have all have experienced this same phenomenon...the "oh my gosh, I HAVE become my mother!!" moment that hits us like a ton of bricks.

Lately with my own kids I have had several revelations about being a mom and my own mother. Mostly it has been me wincing from the new awareness of a whole different perspective from my own childhood that before becoming a mother I never even considered. Birthdays have a new meaning for me now--used to be all about me...but now on my own birthday I think of my mom and what memories she harbors from that day almost 37 years ago. I also think of all the time my own mother had for us kids and how she never seemed tired, tense or overwhelmed. I'm sure she felt it but she never let us feel it. Often I quiz her on if she ever grew impatient or frustrated and she just laughs and says, "Oh honey, you don't know the half of it..."

So as I listen to my own daughter put her doll into timeout for the 27th time I have to say that today I am thankful for the fact that yes, I am like my mother. I hope that one day my daughter can have the same realization and hear my words come out of her mouth.

The nice ones, of course.

Human Anatomy 101

I usually do my weekly grocery shopping on Friday mornings with both kids in tow. I have done this numerous times so believe me...I should KNOW better than to bring two kids under the age of 4 grocery shopping by myself. Still, I must be a glutton for punishment because no matter what, I put on my brave face, arm myself with plentiful snacks in my purse, inject myself with caffeine and away we go.

A recent Friday excursion to the local mart changed forever how I felt about all of that. Recently I have vowed never to go grocery shopping with both of my kids by myself until they are well over the age of 18. The following story will clearly explain why...

My kids woke up unusually feisty that particular morning. That should have been my first red flag. Of course I didn't pay any attention. I would pay for that later, believe me.

The trip started off fine (or so it seemed) and I decided that today would be different. Today my kids would be angels in the store. Today I wouldn't get any "Oh honey I've been there" looks from the kind cashiers. Today my kids would not scream at the top of their lungs that they wanted to "GOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW" while we were trying to pay. Oh no...today would be DIFFERENT.

Hah. Good one, eh?

And then came the deli.

As I was placing my order with the kind gentleman who was working behind the counter I hear the following conversation between my two children:
Sienna: "I have a penis." (said very proudly)
Devin (my almost 4 year old boy) "No Sienna, you do not have a penis. You have a "gina. Boys have penises and girls have "ginas.
Sienna: "I have a penis." (said just as proudly but much louder now)
**Note--at this point the attention of ALL the other shoppers in the immediate area is focused on my children and MOI..
Devin: NO Sienna, you do NOT have a penis. BOYS have penises and you are not a boy. I am a boy and I HAVE A PENIS!"
Sienna (growing very agitated now and LOUD) "I HAVE A PENIS! I HAVE A PENIS! I HAVE A PENIS!
Devin: "Mommy, tell Sienna that she does not have a penis!! Mommmmy, mooooooooommmy...MOM!!!"

Meanwhile I am secretly plotting how easy it would be to slip silently to the side and pretend that I have NEVER seen these children before in my life.

You see, we have worked with our kids on learning our body parts and have always used the correct words for all these body parts. This was a moment where I was wishing perhaps we had a secret word or code word for certain body parts. Just imagine how much nicer that conversation would've been to have overheard. Nope not a chance. I had the word "penis" being shouted out at regular intervals by my 2 1/2 year old who was practically chanting it at this point.

And right when I thought I could just melt into the floor with embarrassment the kind gentleman behind the counter became my knight in shining armor with a few simple words:
"Little girl, would you like a chicken strip?"

Silence.

Sienna LOVES chicken strips.

Right there I realized exactly what I was thankful for...brave deli workers who aren't phased by anything and don't even skip a beat when hearing a lesson in human anatomy from a 2 1/2 year old.

And of course chicken strips.

Suffice to say, I will be going solo this week to the grocery store. No need to push my luck on this one.

Checking out...to really check in

My world is really no different than any other modern day mother. I work full time, enjoy my family and am connected in many ways "electronically" to the world. Email, cell phones, tv, video games. It is endless and constant at times. And of course as my kids grow older in this new technological age, I have the same concerns that most other mothers have. Are my kids watching to much tv? Does the internet rule our household (laptops, iphones) and how do I introduce all of this "stuff" to my kids in a healthy and responsible way? I have a very good friend who said to me once, "This is a new world and our kids will HAVE to know how to navigate this sort of media in a way we did not have to growing up..." She's right but still it is a very intricate and delicate balance to uphold and one that my husband and I still are trying to figure out as we go.

This weekend we had the opportunity to go car camping at a local state campsite with our children and my parents. It was to be the first true "camping" experience for my children and I won't lie to you and say I didn't have some major reservations about how well it would really go. Some questions that ran through my head as we prepared to go: Will my kids actually sleep in a tent? Do we have enough food, milk, toys, water, clothing to last us 2 nights with YOUNG children who attract dirt like it is air? Will my kids sleep in the tent--and do we have enough wine in case they don't?? What if it rains? WILL MY KIDS SLEEP IN A TENT?????? Do I have enough diapers? WILLLLLL MYYYYYYY KIIIIIIIIDDDSSS SLEEEEEEEP INNNNN AAAAA TENNNNNNNNNNTTTTT?

Yes, I had my concerns.

As we traveled up the winding road and "out of service" from all connections to our daily world I could feel us literally checking out. I couldn't remember the last time I had disconnected like that. It was a bit unnerving at first to say the least...but also strangely liberating at the same time.

Turns out...it was a fabulous experience from the start to the finish, and one that brought back all sorts of nostalgic memories from my own childhood camping experiences. Yes, we had rain--and lots of it. Yes, we had enough food, milk, water, toys and clothing to last us 2 nights with YOUNG children who attract dirt like it is air. Yes, we had a blast exploring the muddy beach of the lake while tossing rocks into the bluest water you've ever seen. Yes, we had neighbors who partied til 3 in the morning despite the campground "quiet hours". Yes, we had more marshmallows in one night than I hope to ever ingest again in my lifetime. (Somehow all of the ones I took out of the bag were half eaten with tiny bite marks already out of them...Sienna????) And yes, my children went to sleep in the tent. Eventually.

What struck me most about this beautiful weekend is how easy it is to find yourself swept up into the "internet age" and how we can forget to slow down and really BE with our families. Oh I'm not knocking my iphone...believe me I had that thing up and running the MINUTE it had a single bar available for me to use. But after this weekend I am thankful for the "forced" opportunity to check out...in order to find myself fully checked in.

I can't wait for the next adventure...half-eaten marshmallows and all.

Duct tape

As I sit here enjoying my morning coffee and pondering the day ahead of me one thing comes to mind.

Duct tape.

Yes you see, we are going camping for the first time with two small children and I can't help but think it would be a helpful thing to pack along. There are of course many uses for duct tape and being a lifelong Alaskan I have heard the many stories of near death survival situations where duct tape was the MUST HAVE.

I of course, have other reasons for bringing along duct tape...but we'll get to those later.

First though, let me tell you a little bit about my second child, Sienna May, who is a perfect 2 1/2 years old and may possibly be the devil reincarnate herself.
Kidding...
Maybe.
She is a sweet faced curly haired child who with one look of her chocolate brown eyes can melt your heart to pieces...and then she goes in for the kill. Sienna could possibly be the most willful and headstrong child (haha--I know all of the parents of 2 1/2 year old children must be laughing and agreeing with me now) that has ever lived. She of course is the child who refuses to eat anything unless it is A. a hot dog, B. a hot dog, or C. a hot dog. Did I mention she has exquisite taste? She has the uncanny knack of screaming at the top of her lungs (no matter where she is) and shattering glass all around her. She can in one instant be cuddling on your lap and the next telling you in her sweet baby voice, "mommy you are toopid". Yes...this is my second born and lovely girl child.
It's a good thing she is cute and sleeps for 12 hours a night or else she probably wouldn't survive.
So the other day we are having lunch and of course I have loaded her plate with all the goodness I can provide...fruits delicately sliced, veggies seasoned just right and some bits of grilled chicken cut perfectly for her little fingers to pinch and place in her mouth. We sit down at our bar stools and the following conversation ensues:
Mommy: "Sienna, eat your lunch" (said with love and adoration)
Sienna: "Yuck mommy. That's poop. I don't wike my wunch"
Mommy: "Sienna, that is what we are having for lunch and no it's not poop. It's chicken and fruit and look...some yummy carrots with ranch!" (still said with love and adoration, but perhaps with a hint of annoyance)
Sienna: "Yuck, that's poop. I don't wike my wunch. I want a 'hog gog'..."
Mommy: (said through gritted teeth) "Sienna, we are not having hot dogs for lunch. You may eat this or you may get down."
*Insert action of food being pushed away by Sienna and the chicken taking a dive to the floor.."
Sienna: "Toopid mommy, I don't wike you. I don't wike chicken. I don't wike my wunch. I WANT A HOG GOG NOWWWWWW"

At this point I don't need to go into any more specifics but I can tell you what I WANTED to do, I wanted to shove the chicken into her sweet baby faced mouth and say "EAT THE CHICKEN YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!"...but of course I didn't and took a deep breath instead. I tried very VERY hard to think of my one thing to be thankful for (oh I was stretching to say the least) and that's when it popped into my head...duct tape.
You see, duct tape could come in very handy with 2 1/2 year olds in many various ways.
Let your mind wander now...ahhh...you see it too?
I'm sure there are oodles of parents out there who are screaming and seething at the mere suggestion that I, a MOTHER, would DARE suggest using duct tape on my child. I know, even typing it now it sounds absolutely awful.
But secretly I'd bet those very same mothers (and fathers) have had the same thought once or twice in their lives...even if they don't want to put it out there in cyber space for everyone to read.

Well, now we are back to the beginning and as I wind this up I will tell you this. I WILL be packing one last item in my backpack for our weekend camping trip into the great outdoors. Because sometimes survival can come down to one thing...

Duct tape.

Space...the final frontier...

Space is an interesting thing.

You can have an entire house of it and yet where does everyone end up? The kitchen...or perhaps it's better to say that in my house everyone tends to end up wherever I am. This is true in many cases, except of course if I am looking for some help, say with dishes or laundry...then of course I have nothing but space. It's a tricky concept. I have young children and it never fails, dinner time comes and of course we are all tripping over each other in the kitchen despite the fact that we have oodles of places to "be" in our home. Between screeches of "no running in the kitchen" and "Sienna GET DOWN" I manage to get dinner made (no telling the state of it) and on the table as my kids ping pong off the cabinets. It is not always pretty. Dinner and beyond usually turn into my "Calgon...take me away" moments where I find myself dreaming and wishing for endless amounts of the elusive thing called "space". Space to breathe, space to walk across the kitchen without a child stuck to my leg, space to just BE.

Ironically enough, today, space was my thing to be thankful for.

My kids and I had the opportunity to go and explore Independence Mine in Hatcher's Pass today with friends. It was an amazing outdoor experience hiking among the mossy rocks and exploring the nooks and crannies created by all of the massive boulders littering the valley. Upon being released from the car my kids were off and scrambling up the path trying hard to make it to the "top" while us adults followed behind. The kids would run up ahead of us and back again, making their hike at least twice as long as ours, yet not minding a bit. Space had finally been achieved, and lots of it. You could almost see it in their faces as they relaxed into the feeling that they were FREE. We spent the afternoon picking our way along a lazy loop, stopping along the way to have lunch and finally making it back to the car. It was absolutely a perfect afternoon.

As we arrived back home from our adventure we readied ourselves for afternoon naps...which at our house is usually a very challenging time. The kids, thoroughly exhausted from the morning, climbed into their beds and snuggled into their cozy covers settling in right away. I took the chance to lay down myself in my own bed relishing the lingering magic of the morning and reflecting on the interesting relationship that I have with "space". As I started to drift off I felt a shifting of the bed and realized that I had company...two little bodies had burrowed their way into my covers. Space is a wonderful thing and sometimes all it takes is just a little bit to really appreciate the truly important things in your life.

And so it begins...with peanut butter

This is my first foray into the writing world. For those of you who choose to journey with me, please be kind. I welcome your responses, thoughts and criticisms in the most helpful way. Thank you for listening because god knows...we've all been there or will be soon enough.

I'm many things in this world--woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, teacher...and of all these "titles" the mother role perplexes me the most. It could be of course that I am living in the realm of an almost 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. No other explanation needed, right? Yes, you get my point.

This may be a perfect spot to insert my disclaimer: I am happily married and love my kids, family, and life. End disclaimer.

Moving on.

The thought occurred to me one day that perhaps during trying times with my kids I could use a bit of reverse psychology on myself...that in the heat of horrid moment (which occurs at a rate of about once an hour given the ages of my kids) I should try to focus on at least one thing to be thankful for (yes, I know...haha) and so today it was PEANUT BUTTER. Yes, simple creamy stick to the roof of your mouth peanut butter...because when my 2 1/2 year old daughter's mouth was stuffed full of it she could not call me stupid or scream at the top of her lungs at me. Heaven in so many ways...

And so it begins with peanut butter...I'm going to be faithful to this journey and post daily my one thing that I am thankful for (out of the many things I have to choose from) to remind myself to firstly, not take things to seriously, and secondly, to perhaps see the humor in it all even if it is hiding deeply below the surface.

Peanut butter. Who knew?