Fitting It In...

Trying to fit that proverbial square peg into the round hole is difficult at times.

Hell, who am I kidding...it's difficult all the time.

A life with small children is a testament to this statement. For example, trying to get out of the house on time with two young ones in tow. Oh yes...now you see my point.

Mornings are my favorite time of day and by nature I am an early riser. Those moments before the rest of the world awakens were always very special to me. Whether I was hitting the gym or lingering over my morning joe they were mine and only mine.

That was, of course, before children.

A fly on the wall on any given morning would be exhausted after watching only two minutes of our morning routine...and that is even before my children are up. There are lunches to be finished, coffee to be made (and injected) and the evening's dinner to be prepped. There is the 40 minutes of yoga, my personal sanity saver, to fit in so I can begin to get a grasp on the tasks ahead of me. There is the time it takes to get myself ready and presentable for a day in the professional world...and then there are the kids. My two little lovebugs have also always been early risers so you'd think they'd be up as soon as I was...but nooooo...of course as soon as school starts and we HAVE to get up they decide it is the perfect time to start sleeping in. Go figure.

I am happy if we just get out the door...never mind the state we're in or even if we are remotely on time.

You see, forcing issues with kids can make life miserable. You say go, they sit down. You say stop, they run away. It's like they just have the need to do the opposite of anything you say and pushing the limits with that just cements their stubbornness even further. It is maddening to say the least. So, what do you do?

You do the best you can.

I am no longer worried about getting my kids up and dressed before daycare so clothes are packed in backpacks. As far as I know, no one has ever suffered by wearing jammies all day and secretly I think my kids love it. Breakfast is dry cereal in a bag and lunches are made the night before. Dinner happens whether I prep it early or not and somehow a shower is slipped into the mix. Letting go just a bit allows all of the pieces to fall into place without tears or tantrums...from me. And everything always seems to work out, just maybe not the way I had planned which evidently is just fine.

So mornings continue to be my favorite time of day but for different reasons. I have learned to cherish the calm before the storm even more as it is still my time, even if for just a short bit of time. There is also the sweet anticipation of the good morning hugs yet to come from my two little someones snoozing downstairs.

That is the best part of all...and makes the rest so very worth it.

Slipping Away...

It is hardest to remember to make time for ourselves.

Usually my only alone time during the day is when I am in the bathroom...and lately not even then as my daughter will bang relentlessly on the door until I let her in.

Any parent can probably agree that with children your time is limited because from the very beginning our kids demand everything from us. Whether they are younger or on the older side, there are always many activities pulling us in various directions. We go from around the clock feedings and diaper changes to soccer practices and then eventually to glorified chauffeur. Yes, it can be taxing to say the least.

I noticed that as the needs of my kids grew my own needs seemed to fall to the side. As much as I'd like to, I have never been one to lead a "balanced" life...I tend to go all or nothing with everything I do. This can be beneficial in some cases but also detrimental in others. When my son was born I found it extremely difficult to balance the challenges of motherhood with work and my own personal interests. Exercise fell to the side, dates with my husband were few and far between, and girl time with friends was completely obsolete. It was definitely an adjustment, and one I did not always make very well because even though I was gaining a new member into my life I felt like I was slowly losing me.

It happens...and it is scary.

I knew I had to make some changes so slowly I started adding the missing pieces back into my life. I dusted off my yoga mat and workout shoes and decided that losing that hour of sleep was worth it for the sanity I gained from the exercise. My husband and I put date night on the calendar and banned "kid" talk from the entire evening...and remembered why we liked each other to begin with. Girl time was slipped in here and there and was absolutely wonderful.

I was back.

It's ironic, but I found that when I sacrificed some of the limited time for ME I was a better parent, wife and friend. Now when I am about to go out for an evening my son is notorious for questioning me endlessly on WHY he can't join me. I kindly tell him that mommy needs time for herself and he looks at me with his huge brown eyes and asks, "But why Mommy???"

My response to that is always, "Because Mommy loves you..."

I know myself well enough to understand that I need to have something that is solely mine in order to be whole. As much as I adore my children I also enjoy working...I like to have some adult time with friends...and I know that I cannot be a "present" parent if these things are missing.

So today I am thankful for all the stolen moments where I get to be me. My hope is that I am modeling a healthy habit for my kids by showing them that it is not only okay to take time for yourself, but that it is necessary practice in life.

Even if it means locking the door and ignoring all the raging protests from the other side...