Hard To Swallow...

"You can't always get what you want..."

Or so says the popular song from the Rolling Stones. It does go on to say that "...if you try sometimes...you get what you need..." but I'd like to tweak their words just a tad to instead say, "if you CRY loud enough...you THINK you'll get what you need".

There...now you have life with a young child.

Needs vs. wants. A complicated concept that is largely misunderstood not only by children but our entire society today. Really it speaks loudly wherever you go as you see people living outside their means (including myself at times) who confuse their daily "needs" with their "wants". So how does one teach and explain this to a young child?

Recently there was a popular event, Walking With Dinosaurs, held in our city that had everyone talking. It was THE event to be seen by all. Tickets went on sale far in advance and at the time I didn't bite. I figured I would buy them later when we had the money but of course all that meant is that we never bought tickets. As the date of the show approached my son saw the commercials on TV and desperately wanted to see the amazing dinosaurs featured. (This was mostly because we had been telling him that dinosaurs were extinct and he just couldn't figure out HOW they could be coming to an arena near him!) Needless to say I had to break the news to him that we wouldn't be able to go.

Devin: "Mommy, I reawwy want to see dinosaurs. Can we go today?
Mommy: "Nope, we won't be able to go see the dinosaurs. Maybe we can read a book about dinosaurs instead."
Devin: "Why? Why can't we go? I WANT to go...I WANT to go see the dinosaurs!"
Mommy: "I know Devin, I know you want to see the dinosaurs but we don't have tickets and so we will have to do something else instead. I can tell that you're upset...how about we watch a dinosaur movie?"
Devin: (whining now and about to cry) "Mommy...I NEED to see the dinosaurs! I need to go to the show...you never take me anywhere...you are a mean mommy. Daddy...can I go to the dinosaurs? Mommy said yes..."

Sigh...

Again a case of needs vs. wants. Did my son NEED to see the extravagant show about dinosaurs? No of course not, but his four year old heart told him he wanted to see it therefor he needed to see it. What my son really needed was a big hug and to know that sometimes what we want and what we need are not the same things. This is a tough lesson we have all faced many times in our lives and as difficult as it is to grasp it always stings just a bit when the need and want are not synonymous. The needs in life are very basic: food, water, shelter and connections. I don't remember seeing dinosaurs on the list but according to my son they were right up there with the rest.

I read somewhere once that it is important to raise "self-reliant children in a self-indulgent world". This seems like a daunting task when "wants" are blasted from every radio, TV commercial, and shopping mall. So how do we teach our kids to filter these wants so that they can grow to be responsible and mature adults who don't rely on extrinsic stimuli?

Bit by bit and day by day through our own personal choices that we model for them.

Did my son survive without seeing the dinosaur show? Of course he did. In fact not even 20 minutes later he had forgotten all about the conversation over not going. I firmly believe that it is important for kids to sometimes feel the disappointment that comes with not always getting what you want. We have to understand how to navigate this disappointment in order to deal with the bazillions of moments in our lives when we will have to manage it. Life isn't always roses and we in fact do NOT always get what we want. By indulging my kids' every want I am not helping them in any way to learn this valuable lesson. Instead I am hindering their growth and giving them a false sense of what the world is really like.

But the song is right...if we do try sometimes we will get what we need. My children are well cared for, fed and loved beyond belief...and no dinosaur will ever change that.

Just A Bit Tight...

August is traditionally "beans and rice" month for my family.

Why you might ask? Well as a teacher we don't get paid until a month AFTER we go back to work. Now, for those who have managed their money wisely and planned ahead I'm sure it is most definitely not a "beans and rice" month for their families. But no matter how hard I try I never seem to make it work. So, therefore, we eat a lot of beans and rice til payday arrives because it is cheap and affordable and filling.

It's really not that different from when I was growing up. My mother was a teacher and I always remember her most creative meals came from back-to-school times when the pantry was almost empty and she had to really dig deep to provide for three growing kids. We used to joke that we were "Food Club" kids as that was the non-name brand that you could most often find on our shelves. Did it taste any different? Not at all but it was much easier on the pocketbook, that's for sure, and you can bet you'd find the same brands in my pantry today.

My son recently has shown interest in money and how it works. Now at four years of age, he is definitely a bit young to grasp the concept of our monetary system but believe me...he knows that it is important and that it does something.

Devin: "Mommy, maybe today you can take me to the store."
Mommy: "Why is that Devin? We went shopping for groceries yesterday so we don't need anything."
Devin: "I have money. I was thinking I could buy you something."
*note--the money that Devin is talking about consists of pennies and quarters that live in his piggy bank.
Mommy: "Oh that is so sweet of you but I don't need anything. You can just save your money to spend on yourself."
Devin: "Oh no mommy, I really think you need something. I was thinking that you could take me to Fred Meyers because you really need an elephant."
Mommy: "An elephant? Really? Now what would I do with an elephant?"
Devin: "You could ride it to work. Now come on and wet's go to the store..."

I'm not so sure an elephant could do 65 mph on the highway or what kind of gas mileage it gets but I'm almost positive that Fred Meyer's probably doesn't carry them.

Money is a tricky thing and with kids you can never have enough of it. The baby itself throws your budget for a loop with the birth and then there are diapers and maybe formula and doctors visits and deductibles to be met...and before you know it the ultimate cost with having a kid...DAYCARE. We pay more in daycare costs right now than some people pay on their mortgage. I cringe every month when I write the check but also know that you pay for what you get and believe me...I adore my daycare provider and would give her my left kidney if it was the only way my kids could stay with her. These costs are only the beginning...later there are sports fees and braces and hair cuts and school supplies...it is truly endless. We don't live an extravagant lifestyle but having two kids has definitely put a strain on our budget that wasn't there before.

So today I am thankful that I have beans and rice in my cupboard and that my mother was a great example of how to make a delicious something out of seemingly nothing. It may be tight at times but I know that with a little creativity we can always make it through the tough month of August and beyond.

And contrary to my son's belief, I don't see any elephants in my future.

And Away We Go...

Transitions are always a bit hard.

Today is the last day of my summer break which means my family is about to experience a huge one. My kids will go back to daycare full time and I will return to the world of teaching.

Talk about a shock to the system.

During the summer months my type A personality keeps us on sort of a schedule. (This is a nice way of saying that I try desperately to get my kids to sleep during nap each day so I can have a break.) We eat when we're hungry, we go outside when we feel like it, we go on outings that aren't limited to the evenings and weekends when I'm usually off and home. Because my husband works year round I also take on the laundry, cooking and most of the cleaning during my summers off because I'm home and it's not a big deal to tackle it during the day. But now as I am facing my last 24 hours of freedom the reality of the fall and winter are truly setting in. Earlier wake ups, lunches to be packed, kids to be dressed and out the door by a certain time and not to mention the fact that I will have to get my own butt out of bed just that much earlier so I can also be ready and presentable for a day of work. No more dirty hair in a ponytail and t-shirt with shorts to make it through a day at the park. Household chores will also have to be divvied up a little more equally between my husband and I. And then of course there are the kids and their understanding of what is about to happen.

Mommy: "This is the last week of mommy being home all the time with you and next week I have to go back to work."
Devin: "Well where are we going?"
Sienna: (said very stubbornly) "I no go anywhere!"
Mommy: "Well, you will start going to Ms. Becky's again...your school. Mommy has to teach the kids so you have to learn at Ms. Becky's. Aren't you excited?"
Devin: "No. I'm not going. Actuwawwy (Actually) I think I just want to stay home."
Sienna: "Me too! I stay home! I no go to Ms. Becky's...I stay in the car."
Mommy: "I know you want to be with mommy, but you can't stay home by yourself because it is not safe. You will have fun at Ms. Becky's with all of your friends."
Devin: "No, I don't think so. It's hard wistening at Ms. Becky's and I get tired so I'll just stay home."
Sienna: "Yes! Yes! Yes! Stay home! Stay home!"

Sigh. If only it were that easy...

I know it will be a tough switch into the school year but as much as I love spending time with my children I always welcome the change when August approaches. I know I miss a lot of time with my kids during my working months but for us a single income household isn't an option. And even if it was, I'm not sure I'd want that. I enjoy having the adult interaction that work brings for me and I crave having something...anything that is all my own. I know this about myself and I also know being a full time stay at home mommy isn't for me. Horrible? Nah...just honest. I just need both.

So today I am thankful for the extended amount of time I have been able to spend with my growing children over the last three months. Recently a friend shared a saying with me that helps to put it all in perspective when you're raising small kids: "The days are long but the years are short..." and it's true. Yes, we've have had our bumps and frustrations this summer and some very long days, but I also realize that before I know it my kids will be grown and these precious moments will be a thing of the past. My goal for now is to just soak it all up while I still can and try to appreciate that I am lucky enough to bare witness to it all.

Of course I am hoping for a smooth transition for my family in the upcoming weeks as we change the seasons. I know we will have some rough spots along the way but know we'll get through it together. This blog may not happen as frequently as it has in recent months but it has been an amazing way to reflect on my life with kids and the fun it brings.

Hopefully the future holds more laughs than tears...

Washy Washy...

We recently had a momentous occasion in our household...my son learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. A definite milestone in his young life, and one that I missed as I was not home when it happened. Lucky for me, a friend was able to capture the entire event on video for me to be able to share with my son later. It was awesome.

It brought to mind other "milestones" that come with having kids. The first smile, the first roll over, the first word...there are too many to count yet each one stands out distinctly in your memory like it was just yesterday. All have the ability to completely warm you from the inside out.

There are also certain events that stand out for different reasons. These are the ones that make great stories later...

Each day it appears that my daughter changes before my eyes. I swear it seems that she grows overnight and wakes up even more different than the baby I put to bed the night before. Her vocabulary just explodes by the minute as she tries desperately to keep up with her older brother. A friend said it best, "That Sienna--she's going to be a brute..."

Not too long ago, I was in the kitchen making breakfast when I had the chance to overhear Sienna playing in the bathroom with her doll, Baby Ella. I knew that she was probably not up to much good but decided to just let her be as I was busy and she was occupied for the moment.

Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby Ella...you are so 'tinky. Time for a bath!"
*insert splashing sounds
Mommy: "Sienna--be careful with the water...you may not use the tub."
Mommy Sienna: "Okay Mommy! Baby Ella, you take your clothes off. Okay, now washy washy! Scrub your toes! Scrub your '
'gina! Scrub your face! Washy washy...washy WASHY!

Now, at this point I allowed my attention to be diverted because my son needed something, so about 5 minutes went by before I could check on Sienna again. Not so smart when water is involved with a 2 year old...especially water in the bathroom.

Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby, you poops! Time to go on the toilet! No poops on the carpet! You sit down...bad baby...BAD BABY! You go in the bath right now!"

I hurriedly walked into the bathroom just in time to see Sienna giving her Baby Ella a bath...in the toilet.

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Mommy: "Sienna, what are you doing? That is yucky! You cannot give Baby Ella a bath in the toilet...why did you do that?"
Mommy Sienna: (said with a smug grin on her face) "I use the toilet instead of the tub. No use tub. I wisten."

Oops.

It makes perfect sense when you really think of it...no stool required to reach the water. A neat flushing feature...why wouldn't one bathe a doll in a toilet? Plus, she did listen...all I specified was to not use the tub. Never did I say anything about the toilet and here we had our first occasion of Sienna actually following my directions without a battle...ever.

All in all, the situation filled me with hope that perhaps we just might survive this age of the terrible twos. Each day is a new beginning for my sweet Sienna and there are still many milestones that lie ahead of us. Life really flies by so quickly when you have kids and sometimes I am afraid to blink for fear I might miss something they say or do. I am just thankful that I get to bare witness to them all, even if they do involve dolls and toilets.

In the end, Sienna and I cleaned up the mess together and had great fun giving Baby Ella a proper bath complete with bubbles and a thorough washing.

Only this time we made sure we used the sink.

Stepping Back...

Okay, I'll admit it. I"m a control freak.

I do believe that I am the cause of 99% of my frustration and it is hard at times when you want things to go a certain way and then they don't. Those of you with children will of course understand that being a control freak and being a parent don't necessarily go hand in hand. At least not without some difficulty.

There are those weeks where everything seems to go awry despite my plans. Due to my teaching schedule, I am the one who spends the majority of the time with our children during the summer months. My husband is also there quite a bit with our kids, but not as much as me as he works a steady schedule all year long. When those "special" days hit, I can be known to greet him at the door when he arrives home from work with a forced grin and the words, "They are yours...BYE!!" I've had it, I've hit my wall...I need that break and luckily he's always more than willing to give me the space to just breathe.

When I return from the much needed reprieve I always come home expecting to hear what a rough time they had. Never. It's always, "We had a great time! They were easy...they went right to bed without any hassle."

What????

I get crying, I get fits, I get tantrums...and he gets, "Good night daddy..." and lights out? Now how fair is that?????

You see, I think my husband has a different approach and tonight I got to see it first hand. I decided to try an experiment where for the evening I would just fly second fiddle and let him be the lead (which was very hard, let me tell you...VERY HARD!) and it was amazing. The kids did fine. They stayed up later than normal, they ran crazy in their underwear outside, they ate a dinner of chips, cheese and crackers...they got to just BE. I was left asking the question, "What the heck have I been doing wrong this whole time?"

The answer? NOTHING.

You see, kids are resilient creatures who learn to adapt to different situations. What works for "daddy" doesn't necessarily work for "mommy"...nor should it. I believe that from a young age kids learn how to "be" with the many different people in their lives. It used to drive me absolutely crazy that my husband could get my kids to behave in ways I couldn't, but now I see it is just different for him with them than it is for me. And to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, tonight I am thankful that we are all different and that my kids have that variance in their lives because it gives us all a much needed break. I do believe that my husband and I need to be on the same "page" for some decisions, but there is plenty of room for both of our personalities and parenting styles.

Still, I'm not ashamed to say that I am a bit secretly relieved when my kids throw a temper tantrum for him as well and that he hits his "wall" at times, too.

It's just kind of nice to know that we all have our moments.

Houdini...

Let's talk about sleep...or lack thereof.

I believe that sleep deprivation might possibly be the true root of all evil in this world. I know for myself, when I am tired everything is harder than it needs to be. My kids go right along with this and are absolute terrors when they are short on sleep. So, why is it that they resist it so?

Both of my kids started out as champion sleepers. 12 hour nights...2 hour naps twice a day...it was heaven. Even though there were many many sleepless nights tossed in there the real trouble didn't start until the age of two hit...and then the rebellion began.

With my son, it all began when he discovered how to climb out of his crib during nap time. I'd kiss his sweet head, tuck him in to bed, and shut the door like always. I'd walk away looking forward to my 2 hour recharge time, which I desperately needed each day. That first time he greeted me in the kitchen with a "Hi Mommy!" I was flabbergasted. How did he get out? Didn't I shut the door? What just happened? I quickly walked him back to his room and put him back to bed, shutting the door again behind me. Not 30 seconds later, there he was again standing in my kitchen with a grin on his face, as if to say, "Is that all you got?"

Oh no, I had more...enter the crib tent.

We borrowed one from a friend and I have to admit--the contraption looked almost wrong...as if caging my child was a horrible thing to consider. We set it up and tried it during nap the next day. I'd have to say that it was kind of funny to see him peeking from behind the mesh walls wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into. To make a long story short...he had that crib tent dismantled in about a week. I came into his room one afternoon to find him sitting on the floor playing with toys and what was left of the tent inside of his crib. My son had turned into a Houdini.

We have tried everything in the years since...laying down with our kids on their beds, laying on the floor in their rooms, turning the locks around on their doors, sitting in the hallway outside of their rooms, yelling, bribing, pleading...begging...and truly I've come to realize that NONE of this works. Usually it just results in a huge temper tantrum (from me) and the same question every time from my kids, "Mommy, why are you so cwanky?"

Today of course was another one of the not so good nap time days. I am sitting here still stinging from the frustration of trying to put two kids under 4 to sleep. I finally gave up all of my fight and left their room (slamming the door behind me) with the words, "Stay in there and don't get up!!"

And they did.

So today I am thankful that I walked away and gave them the chance to just deal with it. I can't say that that strategy would've worked on any other given day, but THANKFULLY today it did. I needed the break and I know that despite what they thought, they needed the rest as well. Good thing we have a whole 24 hours to figure out how we will work it tomorrow.

Maybe I'll bust out the duct tape...

And...You're OUT!

Libraries and toddlers...oh boy.

If there is a list of banned books, then somewhere there must exist a list of kids banned from the library. I'm pretty sure my daughter is on it.

Now, don't get me wrong...books are great for kids and I have read to my kids daily from a very early age. My favorite time of the evening happens to be when we are all snuggled up and being whisked off to some magical place via the storybook du jour.

Getting the books from the library is a completely different story. Especially when Sienna is involved.

We make a weekly trip to our local library and usually this means I take both kids by myself. My son loves these outings and at the age of 4 is able to handle the rules: quiet voices, walking feet, gentle fingers. We repeat these simple phrases the entire way there in the car...it is our "mantra"...which apparently only works so far for my son. Sienna obediently says the words with us but I know that her brain is thinking other thoughts. Devilish two and half year old thoughts. All I can say is...poor library...poor mommy...and here we go. A recent visit went something like this:

I made a point to be there at 10:00 am on the dot because this was when the library opened. I also figured that at that time there would be less people to grace with our presence. Our mission was to enter quietly and head straight to the kids' section to quickly select our books and then get out as soon as possible. Of course it would've been great to sit down and snuggle up in a nook to peruse books with my kids, but Sienna, of course, had other ideas.

First of all, telling a two year old to be quiet in a library is like telling her to not breathe. She has only one noise level to operate on: loud. Then there are the aisles that must just scream "RUN RUN RUN" to her and so she does. Add that to the fact that all of those lovely books lined up on the shelves happen to look oh so tempting to touch. Note: my daughter has proven capable of emptying an entire row of books in less than 10 seconds flat. By this time, I was starting to get the "looks" from the librarians which seemed to say, "Woman, why can't you control your child?"

Yeah, I know. Control her...yes, what a brilliant concept.

Hah.

With my arms laden in books I finally made my way to the checkout counter with Devin following right behind me and Sienna...well at least I knew she was still in the library because I could hear her from across the way loudly telling someone her name. I dropped the books on the counter, told Devin to stay put and went to go retrieve my daughter before she could dismantle anything else. She of course did NOT like this plan and decided that instead it would be the perfect time to throw one of her tantrums...she hadn't had one in for at least 45 minutes, so what better place to toss one in? I carefully carried her thrashing body to the front to try to complete the transaction only to find out from the kind librarian checking us out that we had a late fee of $1.50 (of course we did!) She took one look at the flailing child in my arms and quietly said, "I'll just let it slide this one time..." while she hastily handed us our books.

Whew.

After strapping both kids into their seats I then settled myself into my own spot and tried to calm my brain. I was embarrassed, I was frustrated, I was NEVER GOING BACK. Sienna and libraries just didn't mix. And that's when I heard it, her sweet little voice saying in a very normal way: "That was fun! Can we go again Mommy? I wike the wibrary!"

Good grief.

So today I really wasn't sure what to be thankful for...but then it hit me. I am thankful for my daughter's short memory...because I want her to view the library as a fun place and to want to go back. I just know that developmentally she is not quite ready unless it is a one on one experience where I can provide more adequate supervision. She needs that guidance to be able to learn how to exist in a library.

Until then, she has been 86'd...and hopefully the librarians have a short memory as well.

Fair Play...

Fair is not always equal.

It's a statement that has been proven time and time again in my life...but also one I firmly believe in. We don't always have the same needs as each other so it would make sense that we would require different things to get those "needs" met. It's definitely a hard concept to explain to children as it appears they believe that no matter what--everyone should always be the same. My daughter had a very hard time when my son had his birthday--she just didn't understand WHY there weren't any presents for her to open. We tried to explain the situation but it didn't do any good...she wasn't hearing any of it. As far as she was concerned she was getting the shaft and we were to blame. End of story.

Lately we have noticed that our daughter has tried very hard to keep up with her older brother. From trying to ride her "big girl" bike to repeating statements she hears him say...she is his perfect little shadow. Always watching...always absorbing...always idolizing her Devin. She refuses to sleep unless he is in the room with her and she has never known a life without him. They really are two peas in a pod.

Tonight I got to experience yet another fascination that Sienna has with Devin. His ability to pee standing up.

Yes, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

I don't have to go into many details other than to say that A. she was ultimately unsuccessful and B. I had a huge mess to clean up when she was through. She has been obsessed with this skill that boys have (and girls just don't) and had been talking it about it for weeks now...not willing to accept that she just couldn't make it happen. A common conversation might have gone something like this:

Sienna: (while sitting on the toilet) "Boys stand up..."
Mommy: "Yes, you're right...boys do stand up. Girls sit down...ALWAYS."
Sienna: "Why?"
Mommy: "Because they just do."
Sienna: "I want to stand up. I have a penis. I am a boy. I can stand up too."
Mommy: "Sienna, you are a girl and no you cannot stand up. Girls sit down."
Sienna: "I want a penis! I'm a boy! I don't wike you! I want to STAND UP!!!!!"

It was a tough argument for sure. And one that I was obviously not very convincing at.

No, fair is not always equal and we don't all end up at the same place. It is usually a messy journey but in the end...hopefully...we all get what we need.

Tonight I am thankful for my daughter's perseverance. Despite the fact that I kept telling her NO about something she wanted to do she decided to take a chance and try it anyways. As a parent, I am secretly excited by this...it demonstrates to me that she might hit roadblocks in her life but that she also has the will to keep trying to find a way around them.

Now, if only her "experiments" didn't have to happen in my bathroom...