Privacy Glass...

Someone once said: "If you want the attention of your children, get on the phone..."

Well, I'm going to add on to that. If you want the attention of your children, get on the phone, converse with friends, try to make dinner, do laundry, go to the bathroom, work on the computer, balance the checkbook...the list goes on and on and on.

It never fails at our home--my kids can be in the far reaches of the house doing whatever it is that they do there (making mischief no doubt) and then the phone can ring. It's like they have sensors in their brains that go off whenever they hear that electronic sound: "DING--mom's on the phone...time to go!"

Recently I was trying to make an appointment for my car to be serviced. I fed my kids breakfast and sent them downstairs to watch cartoons thinking that that would guarantee me at least 15 minutes of "quiet time" so that I could take care of what I needed to.

Yah, right.

I was speaking to the car dealership when my son comes running up the stairs and decides that now is the time to have a conversation with me.

Mommy: (speaking to the dealership on the phone) "So, I would like to bring my car in next week..."
Devin: "Mommy, mommy MOMMY, MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!"
Mommy: "Devin, I am on the phone, this is my turn. Go watch your cartoons..."
Devin: "Mommy, Sienna pooped. You need to change her..."
Mommy: "Yes, Thursday will be fine...Devin, go downstairs!" (the last part hissed through gritted teeth)
Devin: (louder now) "Mommy, Sienna popped. You are being a BAD mommy, you need to change her NOW!"
*note at this point the gentleman on the phone has heard me trying to dissuade my son from talking to me and has heard all of the interruptions so he kindly asks if I need to call him back. I tell him no...
Devin: "Mommy, Sienna pooped and took off her diaper...and YOU are going to be so mad at her and I told her that boys pee outside and that girls pee in the toilet and that she is a girl and has a 'gina and that Daddy is going to be really mad because she is jumping on the couch...MOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY YOU ARE NOT WISTENING TO ME AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At this point I abandon my conversation and decide that A. it is pointless to try to talk on the phone with a 4 year old around and B. I REALLY need to go investigate whether or not Sienna did in fact take off her poopy diaper. That is something I cannot ignore.

I think that ignoring is skill that as parents we have to hone. There are many instances in my day where I actively choose to IGNORE what is happening around me. For instance, when Devin is showing Sienna how easy it is to jump off of the top of the couch. Or, when Sienna decides to chant "toopid mommy" over and over and over and over and OVER again while riding in the car. (I swear they know that we can't reach them in the backseat so they let it all fly freely back there...), Or perhaps, when the kids are irritating the heck out of each other, picking and picking and PICKING til it seems that someone will not survive the situation. Oh yes, I have become a master at ignoring. Sometimes.

Other times I over pick my battles and definitely feel like I need to ignore MORE. We can't "catch" everything and we definitely can't mediate EVERY situation. If we tried we would go insane very quickly. Like before noon on a good day.

So today while I was driving home listening to the constant bickering going on in the backseat I decided that I was thankful for the radio, which I was able to successfully blast over them. I also dreamt of privacy glass and wondered how much it would be to install in my rig...

Realistic? Probably not...but hey...we all do whatever we can to get by.

Slowing Down...

Today we had a great day and we did absolutely nothing.

Well, actually, we did a lot but we did it all from home. Lately it feels like our lives have been very busy...going going going. Soccer, camping, play dates, field trips, holiday gatherings...it really can make the time fly so quickly and before you know it, it's been weeks since you had a "home" day. My favorite. I could sense a day of "nothing" was needed from the moods of my kids and decided that today we would NOT get in the car...we would NOT be persuaded to go to the store for "just one thing"...we would NOT leave our house.

It was divine.

It also helped that the weather was cooperative...we live in a state where if you see sun you GET OUTSIDE!! The gorgeous blue sky was an amazing gift and we were not going to waste it. As soon as we were done with breakfast, we got dressed and we were out the door to explore the yard and all it had to offer. My son had received an air rocket for his 4th birthday so we decided to start the day off with some trial runs. After the mandatory safety discussion (no you cannot shoot your sister...no you cannot shoot yourself...) we had those rockets launching all over our cul-de-sac. Of course, my safety talk only went so far as soon enough my kids had found a way around my "rules" and were shooting each other in the butts. Kids.

It was actually a great day and for once my kids played well (mostly) without any intervening from me. I was able to mow, rake and water the lawn, clean up around the outside of our house AND make lunch with maybe only 2 temper tantrums from Sienna which is a record by far. Naps were easy (gasp!!) and afterwards we again headed outside to enjoy every last bit of sunshine we could soak up. My mom stopped by in the late afternoon so we set up some lawn chairs and decided to crack open a chilled bottle of wine to enjoy while the kids played nearby in the yard. I almost couldn't believe what an amazing day we had had.

Our discussion turned to kids, specifically my kids, and how some days are easier while other times are so challenging and tough. My husband and I have had quite a run lately with Sienna and have really had to dig deep to find new ways to work through her headstrong ways. I love questioning my mom on topics like this, as if maybe she has the magic answer that will instantly make my life easier. I happened to ask her the number one question that all parents must ask at one point or another:

"Are my kids normal?"

Of course, right after I asked this I happened to look over at my own sweet children just in time to see that my son had tied my daughter to the electrical box in our yard. "We're playing puppy, mommy...see...Sienna is the puppy!" Meanwhile, Sienna was screaming bloody murder because she most definitely DIDN'T want to be tied to the electrical box OR be a puppy.

Sigh...

You see, "home" days can bring out the best in everyone. The creativity needed to make the yard outside your personal "playground" is great for kids. Why would you need swing sets or jungle gyms when you have electrical boxes and climbing rope?

Today I am thankful that my kids are creative beings who can find the good in any situation around them. Give them a new toy and they will love the box the most, finding new and exciting ways to use it that I could probably never even think of.

I'm also thankful my son doesn't know how to tie a really good knot just yet. For the record, we were able to rescue Sienna from her "puppy" days easily enough. Although, I never did get the answer to my question about whether or not my kids were "normal"...

The jury is still out on that one.

New Words...

Yesterday was my turn.

I had a temper tantrum...well really to be honest I had an all day long temper tantrum. Now that I am past it I can of course take complete ownership of my behavior and think of the many ways I could handle things differently next time. But yesterday, when I was in the thick of it, the only thing I could think of was, "For the love of god, will this day EVER end???"

My kids sensed my mood from the instant they woke up and of course, you already know how that goes. They were surly with each other, whiny with me and all around obstinate at every turn.

Sienna, my second born, decided to have the biggest go around with me. She, being 2 1/2, instantly recognized my state of mind and knew it well as she lives in the age of temper tantrums. Heck, she throws at least 3 of them daily if not more. This was HER turf. SHE was the queen of this mental state...no one was going to take HER crown.

Mommy: "Sienna, lay down so I can change your diaper." (said with as much calmness as I could muster at that moment)
Sienna: (with a bulging diaper she's worn all night) "NO! Mommy YOU are 'tinky. I don't wike you. I no go pee pee. DON'T CHANGE MY DIAPER! Toopid mommy..."

Mommy: "Sienna, it's time for breakfast. Here are your cheerios."
Sienna: "Cheerios 'toopid. I don't wike Cheerios. You are a 'toopid mommy."
Mommy: "Sienna, those are hurtful words and you may not say hurtful things. You may eat your Cheerios or you may get down."
Sienna: "I don't wike Cheerios. That's poop."
Mommy: "Sienna, you can get down, you chose to not eat your Cheerios."
*insert action of the entire bowl of Cheerios being dumped on the floor. I won't mention what I said next...


Mommy: "Sienna, time to get dressed so we can go to the park. Do you want the pink shirt or the green shirt?"
Sienna: "I no wear clothes. Clothes are 'toopid."
*note: at this point I had HAD it with the morning, had it with being called "toopid", had it with the obstinance...I lost my cool...I started my OWN temper tantrum...
Mommy: "DAMMIT Sienna! Get over here and get dressed!!!"
Devin: "Dammit Sienna!
Mommy: "Devin, don't say that word!"
Devin: "Dammit Sienna, where is my water bottle? Dammit, I have to go to the bathroom. Dammit I think I am hungry. Dammit, maybe we can go to Grandma's house?"

Okay, you get my point. My son had found a new word and he was letting it fly freely. He used it before every statement for at least the next hour. A common question about the sky would be precluded by "Dammit..." I kept reminding him that it was not a word to be said and his response was, "But mommy, you said it." Great.

Eventually I climbed out of my temper tantrum "day" (just in time to climb into bed) and was able to reflect on our morning. Yes, my own mood most definitely had an effect on my kids' day. Yes, my patience was worn VERY thin for situations that normally wouldn't ruffle my feathers. Yes, I need to watch my language in front of my kids.

Bottom line is, we all have moments. We all have days where our emotions are right at the surface just waiting to be rubbed the wrong way. Our stress levels are high and day-to-day worries are more present. My "problem" had nothing really to do with my family or anyone around me...it was just a tough day. We all have them and so do our kids. I know how I felt...all I really wanted was a big hug and to be snuggled up and told, "It's all going to work out. You will get through this. It's going to be okay."

Today I was thankful for my husband, who when he came home from work provided me with these things...and a big glass of wine. With refills.

So now, the next time one of my kids has a "moment" I am going to try to remember that what they really need is an extra hug, extra patience, extra support. I can't stop the bad days from happening but I can at least help them get through them.

Without learning any new "special" words.

Say Grandpa...

My kids get to spend a lot of time with their grandparents.

Part of the reason behind that is proximity, we live about a mile away, close enough to walk. My mother has an amazing bond with all of her grand kids and has watched all of them at different times, completely loving every minute of it. My father is also very close with all of the kids and it has been so fun to watch him interact with the various ages and stages they have gone through. My dad taught my son to walk (had him in " training" daily for sure) and also bought him his first Harley Davidson--a rocking horse version of course. They are both amazing grandparents.

When I had to return to work 6 weeks after my son Devin was born (YIKES!!) my parents watched him full time and I was ever so thankful for that gift. My mom's energy is endless and my son definitely tested every limit of it. Both of my kids were fussy up until abut 3 months of age when all of a sudden these happy babies appeared out of nowhere like a light had just been turned on. It was rough to say the leas,t and there were MANY MANY days of non-stop crying. Any parent who has gone through this can relate...it is very tough to remain sane during periods of crying like that. My daughter, being the wonderful child that she is, refused to drink a single sip of breast milk from a bottle and boy oh boy, those were sure some fun times. Often I would pick her up after work and she would STILL be screaming, seeming to say, "Where the hell have you been woman??? I am HUNGRY!" Again, my mom took it all in stride and never skipped a beat. I tell you, the woman is a saint.

The relationship between my son and my father was unique from the start. Devin took to him instantly and I always marveled at how easy it was for my dad...easier than when us kids were young. I heard my dad saying things that I didn't remember him saying to us as kids or just laughing off tough times. His response: "They are not mine and at the end of the day they go home." (Sometimes I wish I had benefits like that...) Anyhow, it was my son Devin who came up with a nickname for my father that would stick for some time. When Devin was about a year old the following "conversation" occurred:

Grandma: "Devin, say Grandma..."
Devin: "AAAAAAhhhhh--Maaaaaaaaaa"
Grandma: "Oh yay Devin! Say Grandma again..."
Devin: "AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh-Maaaaaaaaaa"
*insert much clapping and celebrating as Devin had come up with a name for Grandma..."AhMa" would stick for some time.
Grandma: "Okay Devin, now say Grandpa...
Devin: "Doh Doh"
Grandma: "No Devin...say Grandpa...see there is Grandpa, say GRANDPA"
Devin: "Doh Doh...DOH DOH!"
*Note: by this point my father had entered the room and was joining in the quest to hear his name said...but realizes that his first grandson is now calling him Doh Doh...
Grandpa: "Devin, look at me...say Grrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddpaaaaa..." (said in a drawn out way in order to hear all the sounds)
Devin: "GRrrrrrrrrr...DOH DOH! DOH DOH! DOH DOH!"
Grandpa: "Grandma--did you tell him to call me Doh Doh? That is not fair...you taught him that! He can't call me Doh Doh..."
Devin: "Doh doh! Doh doh! Doh doh!!!"

Yes, the name was fixed.

My son called my dad Doh Doh for an entire year. This was great fun to the rest of us (who at times thought my dad WAS in fact a doh doh) and always interesting to see the looks on strangers' faces when they heard the name said. We think it was probably a play on "Da Da" but deep down...it was hysterical. My dad ended up not minding the affectionate moniker after a while, or having to explain exactly why his grandson was calling him Doh Doh when he would receive puzzled looks. Eventually Devin settled with "Gwampa" on his own and the name disappeared just like that. I was sad to see it go.

Family is important and the bonds that tie us all together are unique in every way. I am thankful that my kids get the chance to know their grandparents in a way that I never had the chance to with my own grandparents. It wasn't that my parents didn't try to provide opportunities for us to spend time with them. It's just that living in Alaska can be tough on travel and when grandparents live far away a lot of memories are missed out on.

And a lot of fun names.

Round and Round We go...

Sometimes I feel like my life is run by my kids' schedules. Sleep schedules...feeding schedules...activity schedules...schedules schedules schedules. It is easy to feel like a hamster on that wheel of life running from one regimented thing to another. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the benefits a structured lifestyle provides for my children. Nap times are essential at our house because I need the break as much as they do in order to stay one step ahead...or at the very least keep up.

It's when our day deviates from our regular schedule that the real fun begins.

Recently my husband and I took our kids to the theater to see a new movie with characters that they were familiar with. We knew our oldest would enjoy the experience thoroughly and would be able to focus even though it is a long time to sit for a 3 1/2 year old. Sienna, on the other hand, was our wild card. We knew she would enjoy watching the movie...for about 15 minutes. After that? Well let's just say that we went against our gut feeling and brought her along and decided to hope for the best.

Never a good thing to do with a 2 1/2 year old.

We arrived at the theater for the mid-morning showing thinking that at that time there would be mostly kids in the theater so our kids wouldn't be any louder than the rest. I armed us with snacks and popcorn and we found our seats just before the movie was about to begin so the kids wouldn't have to sit any longer than necessary. We chose an end seat so if one of us had to get up it wouldn't be a hassle for anyone else. Oh yes, we were prepared.

Or so we thought.

So the movie began and started off great. Our kids were silent and engaged and I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief. This WAS good idea. Yes, there was popcorn everywhere (like a bomb had gone off) but everyone was happy. Yes, the sippy cups were no where to be found in the dark (we had to retrieve them later from underneath the seats in front of us). Things were going so well that at about halfway through I decided to take a bathroom break. I didn't say anything to my husband as I quietly slipped out and made my way to the restroom. Thinking that they wouldn't even notice that I was gone I took my time and even wandered to the concession stand to buy a special treat for my kids before heading back in.

I knew I had made a mistake the minute I hit the door of the theater. The high pitched wailing hit me like a ton of bricks. "I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnttttt mooooooooooommmmmmmyyyyyy....I want mommy I want mommy...I WANT MOMMY!!! Where is mommy? How could mommy weave me? Where is mommy? WHERE IS MY MOMMY???"
I quickly made my way to my seat and found my husband trying to restrain a hysterical Sienna who was thrashing and flailing and yelling at the top of her lungs. I grabbed her and tried my hardest to console her while catching seething glances from the other theater goers nearest to us. My husband whispered to me through gritted teeth, "Don't ever do that to me again...she started screaming the minute you left! Next time take her with you!"

Oops.

You see, change is hard for all of us and especially for my Sienna. She needs the schedule. She needs the predictable. She needs to know at all times that I am right where she needs me to be. Even in the dark of a movie theater. Especially in the dark of a movie theater.

So tonight as I sit and think of the schedule driven regimented day behind me I am thankful for the predictable. I am thankful that my kids know what is coming next and what to expect. Spontaneity has its special place in our lives and when sprinkled in small does creates wonderful memories.

Maybe being that "hamster" isn't so bad after all.

In Charge...

"Mommy...you're NOT coming to my birthday party!!!"

Yes, that is my son's almost 4 year old version of control. It appeared after I had told him no in response to something he wanted to do. (The nerve of me...sheesh!) Lately he seems to be uninviting me on an average of at least 3 times a day...I must be doing something right.

I'm discovering that control is a tricky thing...we want our children to be IN control yet we don't want to CONTROL them. Where does that fine line lay? Is duct tape involved?

I am of course a "Type A" personality...which means if it is in my life and I can control it I will. This can be helpful in some situations but also quite hindering in others. It comes in handy as a teacher with my 5th grade students (I tend to be VERY organized) but I am also pretty sure my husband hates it. Yes...he hates it.

It's been interesting watching my own children experiment with control in various ways. When my daughter was 18 months old she would refuse to poop JUST BECAUSE SHE COULD. My son is constantly taking toys away from Sienna JUST BECAUSE HE CAN. I've also witnessed Devin trying to exercise mental control over my daughter by saying, "Sienna...if you give me the car I will love you forever..." or "Sienna I will be your best friend if you let me have your chocolate..." Yes control is something we seem to pick up at an early age.

But why?

In my eyes self control is the ultimate goal and one that I would hope my own children will be able to achieve. Oh yes, I can hear it now...the laughter at the fact that I am hoping for self control from a 2 1/2 year old and an almost 4 year old when I at the nice age of 36 struggle with it daily.

How many cookies have I eaten when I knew I didn't need another?
How many words have popped out of my mouth that really should have stayed put?
How many days have I pushed snooze INSTEAD of getting up to exercise?

Control is hard. It is hard to control someone else (and also tends to be a losing battle) but it is also equally as hard to trust someone to control themselves and JUST LET GO. I am constantly quizzing my friends with older kids and asking, "How did you hand over the car keys...don't you remember what YOU did when you were handed the keys????" Their answers aren't uniquely profound, just that they would have faith that they taught their kids well and then hope for the best. And worry. A lot.

So now we are back to the beginning and my son's statement aimed at me about being uninvited to his birthday party. I can tell you what I really wanted to say: "Whatever you little turd...fine then but I am taking my present with me so THERE!!"...but I didn't. Instead I looked at him and said, "You seem upset...let's see if we can find a way to fix this problem together. How can I help you with what you need?"

No really I didn't say that...but doesn't that sound good?

What I really said isn't important but I can tell you this. I didn't take over. I didn't rob from him the chance to work through his "upset" on his own or with a little help from me. For this I am thankful because for once I was able to LET GO.

And for the record...I've been invited to the party once again...at least for today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

A Little Goes a Long Way...

The little white lie.

We've all told them...heck I tell them daily to my own kids.

Devin: "Mommy, can I have some cookies?"
Mommy: "Nope, they are all gone..." ( as I am secretly stuffing one into my mouth from behind the pantry door)

Sienna: "Mommy, I want to bring Baby Ella in the car..."
Mommy: "Oh Sienna, Baby Ella has to stay home and keep your bed safe."
Sienna: "Baby Ella go bye bye! NOW!"
Mommy: "Sienna, Baby Ella is not feeling good, let's leave her home so she can get better...we don't want her to get an owie shot..."

Devin: "I want to go to the park today, can we go to the park?"
Sienna: "Yah...PARK PARK PARRRRRRRRRK!!!"
*note, it is late in the day and the park is no where near being in our plans
Mommy: "No, we cannot go to the park today, it is time to go home and make dinner."
Devin: (whining now) "But I want to go to the park, I want to slide...you NEVER let me do anything!!!"
Sienna: "PARK PARK PARK PARK PAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKK!!!"
Mommy: "Oh my goodness...did you know the park was closed today? Well I guess we will have to go tomorrow..."

Yes, you see...little white lies come in handy now and then. I know it sounds terrible and I am cringing as I type this. I happen to be a HUGE advocate of teaching kids how to handle "upset" but darn it...sometimes it just doesn't work and a little fib here and there can usually smooth things over quite nicely.

That is, until the little fib comes out of the mouth of your child.

Enter a conversation I had with my children earlier this summer about a "present" we found outside in the back yard. Mind you this present wasn't one that we were pleased to find. It smelled horrible and belonged in a toilet. I'm sure you can get my drift.

Mommy: "Whoa...what the heck is this? Did Kula go in the yard? Devin, did you see Kula go to the bathroom in the yard?" (Mind you, our dog Kula has NEVER pooped in our yard...he has no problem going in everyone else's yard but finds it unpleasant to go in his own yard...go figure)
Devin: (oozing with innocence) "Oh yes Mommy...he did. I saw him. BAD KUWA! KUWA needs to go in time out because he is not awowed to go poop in the yard."
Mommy: "UGGG...okay let me clean it up..."
*note--this is the where I get an up close view of the offending mess (yuck) and realize that there is corn in it. Okay, so I know for a fact that Kula has not had any corn in his recent diet. Ironically enough, WE had corn last night for dinner...things instantly click into place.
Mommy: "Ummm, Devin...are you sure you saw Kula go to the bathroom in the yard? It's okay to tell me if you didn't...Mommy won't be mad."
Devin: (again said with nothing but innocence) "Yes Mommy, I saw him. I watched him do it. Kula did it. Right Sienna?"
Sienna: "Kula poops in the yard. NO POOPS IN THE YARD!"
Mommy: "Devin, I know Kula didn't do this. Did you go to the bathroom in the yard? Tell Mommy the truth, I won't be mad...I PROMISE..." (said with a bit of annoyance and completely laced with little white lies...)

This conversation went a little further before finally I got the confession I had been waiting for. Apparently Devin had been playing outside and figured well heck...he can pee outside so why couldn't he do the other as well? We had a VERY important talk about WHY this was not acceptable and also why it was so important to ALWAYS tell the truth. Especially to your mother.

Yes, I know...irony at its best.

You see...I got schooled that day...I had karma come back and toss my stuff right back at me and for good reason. Does this mean I won't ever tell another white lie to my kids?

Not exactly.

But it does mean that I will try my best to explain the real reason behind things rather than taking the "easy" way out with a fib.
No you can't have a cookie cause Mommy was a cookie monster and chose to eat the last of them all by herself.
No Baby Ella can't come with us because toys stay at home in order to keep them safe.
And no we can't go to the park because mommy is a grouch and doesn't feel like it right now.

So today I am thankful for the opportunity to try again and do better next time.

Still doesn't mean I plan on sharing the cookies.

Thicker Than Water...

It really is an interesting relationship that siblings have. Friendships develop without much of a choice really...you are invariably thrown into this life with other humans that share the same genes and voila...siblings. As the oldest child I have two younger brothers whom I have always been close with that share my particular gene pool. Mostly we have gotten along fairly easy, some times better than others, but always sharing the understanding that blood is thicker than water.

Oh, we've definitely tested those bonds over the years. There was the one time I dropped my brother off of a second story deck by prying his fingers off of the railing one at a time. (That went over REALLY well with my mom...) There was another time that I provided alcohol for youngest brother that ended VERY VERY badly (another one that went over well with my mom) and of course all of the times not really appropriate to mention on this forum. Yes...we've had our "moments" to say the least.

I often look at my own two children and wonder about the bond that ties them together. On Sienna's second day of life we decided to get Devin a bit closer to her to really introduce him to his new baby sister. As a crazy 18 month old we weren't too sure how much he really realized about the situation other than someone else was taking mommy and daddy's time. He climbed up on the bed beside her and peered into her small shriveled face as if he was trying to recognize someone...then the promptly picked up the wipe container and chucked it at her head.

Yeah...not a great start.

The relationship between my two children has grown over the past few years...they are either loving on each other or completely driving each other insane. Usually if I ask who was responsible for something happening the guaranteed answer will be "Sienna did it..." Common phrases in our house tend to be "She's bothering me...she's looking at me...she's breathing on me..." At times like these where I am at my wit's end all I can think to say in response is... "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...GET USED TO IT!!"

There are also the tender moments that are few and far between but sweet enough to last a lifetime. There's Devin standing up to a boy at the park screaming, "That's MY sister and she's MY Sienna...", which really means "that is MY sister and I am the only one allowed to terrorize her so BACK OFF!" Or the times when Sienna gets into trouble with something that she has done and Devin will come to her rescue by saying, "Don't worry Sienna, mommy is just cwanky. It will all be okay...". And then of course there are the nights that Sienna can be found sneaking into Devin's bed and then cuddled up next to him in the morning. All in all, it's enough to truly melt your heart.

Yes indeed, siblings are an interesting thing. I personally am ever so thankful for the relationships I have with my own two brothers and one of my hopes is that my children can experience that same closeness with each other in their lifetimes as well.

I do not, however, wish to see either of my children being "pried" off of the deck by the other...although something tells me that with these two, nothing is impossible.

Tick Tock...

Today was one of those days. Not a bad day...just one of those days we all have where it feels like anything you try to do is like pulling teeth...painful and drawn out. Today was the day that when the alarm went off I wanted to burrow even further under the covers and pretend that if I couldn't see the world then the world couldn't see me. Today was the day that I could not inject enough caffeine into my system to keep up with the ever changing moods of my children, and I most definitely should have followed my gut instinct and stayed home.

But oh... that would've been just way to easy now wouldn't it? Who likes easy??

Usually on days like these my kids sense the energy surrounding me and many things happen at once. It's like you can see the gears engaging in their brains and everything snapping into place as they decide unanimously: Let's make this a REALLY fun day for Mommy. Duh duh duhhhhhhhh...

Let's see if we can squirt the entire tube of blue Spiderman toothpaste on the bathroom counter because it smells REALLY REALLY good and if a little is good then a lot must be better! And oh look...it makes excellent swirls on the wall and ohhhh...it tastes good too!

Let's insist and chant that we have eggs for breakfast only to shout that we HATE eggs and that they are poop and that we wanted cereal all along...or better yet...lets just stick our fingers into the butter dish and ohhhhh...doesn't that feel nice? Kind of like chapstick...oh let me paint your face while you paint mine...

Let's decide to put on our own clothes without Mommy's help, but not the ones on the top of the drawer. Ohhh nooooo...let's first pull ALL of our clothes out of the dresser so we can lay out a bazillion different combinations of outfits only to decide that really we don't need to wear clothes after all. Clothes are overrated...underwear and rain boots are just fine, thank you.

Yes...on days like today it takes a lot of searching to find something to be thankful for. Believe me--I had to really dig deep for this entry.

But it did come to me eventually...TIME. It moves on, it passes, and no matter what it keeps going. Sometimes slower (oh so much slower) than I want it to and others much MUCH too fast. Sometimes you have plenty of it for yourself and other days you are scraping bits and pieces together just to catch your breath and hold on to your sanity. It's one of the biggest struggles I face as a mother...time and how to spend it so that there is balance in my own life and in the lives of my children.

In today's case, no matter what the day had held for me, bed time did finally arrive signaling that their time was over for the day so that I could have a little of my own. Whew.

Now as I sit here and savor my glass of wine I have to say that I will be ready for whatever tomorrow may bring...as long as my sweet little beasts sleep for a good 12 hours straight and I am able to invest a little time in myself.

And in cleaning up blue toothpaste off of the wall.
Sigh...

Loud and Clear...

The art of speaking clearly. Something that many of us aim to achieve but just end up saying a whole lot without really saying much at all. Too bad we can't just take a lesson or two from young children. They have no problem at all telling you EXACTLY what they think at any given time. Even if the time isn't quite so appropriate.

Enter Devin Michael...my firstborn and boy child. He is a precocious and very physical boy that looks like the spitting image of his father. (Neither of my kids look a thing like me although I do swear I had something to do with it.) I can however see a small bit of myself in my son through his temperament and personality. Sensitive, thoughtful...a "talker". Ahhh, a talker. Yes, this is where the fun begins.

A recent trip to the pediatrician's office was definitely one to remember. We were there for Sienna who was recovering from a small bout of pneumonia and was getting her lungs checked. Due to the fact that my husband was at work, Devin got to accompany us to the doctor's office. Mind you, this was not my first choice...in my eyes going anywhere "important" with two kids under 4 in tow is NEVER good idea.

Now is a perfect time to mention that my almost 4 year old son cannot say some of his sounds yet. L's and W's get mixed up...and he really has a tough time with saying blends. "ST" usually comes out as the "D" sound..."SP" usually comes out as an "F" sound and so on. We really work with him but I've been told that muscles have to develop and blah blah blah...in a nutshell--it will come.

Ahh, but not soon enough.

So we find ourselves in the exam room with the young doctor when all the fun begins.

Devin: (said in one HUGE breath) "My name is Devin Michael and I am almost 4 and this is my sister Sienna and I am her big brother and my job is to keep her safe my daddy is at work and sometimes he plays tag with me and I have a dog named Kula and this is my mommy and..."
*insert a GIANT intake of breath
Devin: "...we go on walks and ride bikes and Sienna is a "dinker" (stinker) but Mommy still wuvs her and is she going to get an owie shot?
Doctor: "Well hello Devin...no I don't think she will get an owie shot. Wow, it is so nice to meet you...you like to do a lot of things. Let's look at your sister...
Devin: "I do like to do a wot of things...I like to walk with daddy and...and I have two sticks.
*insert awkward silent moment because although my son MEANT to say sticks...he did in fact NOT say sticks. Being unable to say "ST" he instead inserted a "D" sound at the beginning of that word. Ahh...yes you get it now...
Doctor: "Wow...hmmm...okay, Sienna come over here...
Devin: "I do...I have two sticks (insert other word mentioned above)...I use them to walk with...they are VERY big...
*insert a longer and even MORE awkward pause..

At this point I had to jump in and rescue the poor doctor as she was looking back and forth from my son to me like "my god woman...what is WRONG with your child???" I quickly explained what he meant to say instead and instantly you could see relief flooding her face. "Whew," she said, "I thought maybe we'd be examining two kids today instead of one!"

This was not the last time Devin told unsuspecting folk about his "sticks". On a recent walk to the mailbox we ran into some new neighbors who were out retrieving their mail as well. The young husband was completely speechless when Devin introduced himself and immediately told him as well that he had two "sticks". It would seem that Devin likes to tell anyone he meets about his "sticks"...the cashier at the grocery store, the elderly librarian--who I might add looked like she might keel over after hearing Devin's announcement, mothers at the park, my parents...it's truly endless.

As his mother, I am thankful that my son feels confident enough to socialize and introduce himself to new people while explaining interesting things about himself.

I also secretly love to see the horrified looks on their faces when he tells them all about his two "sticks"...

We'll be working on those blends...don't you worry. Till then, if you meet Devin you might want to steer clear of conversations involving "sticks".

Full Circle...

On a rare occasion my children will have moments where they play beautifully together. For about 45 seconds...and then all hell breaks loose again. These moments are of course precious and tender and make your heart go "ahhhhh..." They are also very telling and educational, a quick glimpse into the world that my kids live in.

My daughter, Sienna, has never been one to be a "girly" girl. Only recently has she shown any interest in "pretty" things or in allowing us to even tame her head of curls with a barrette or two. She usually can be found running around in her diaper (ah yes, potty training has not gone over so well with her...) with a trail of clothes spread out behind her. Once in a while she will pull out a doll and her baby stroller and play "mommy" and this is where my true education begins.

Mommy Sienna: "Baby, ahhh baby, I wuv you. Sit in your chair, we go on walk"
*insert action of baby being stuffed into the stroller by her head. Note to self: never let Sienna near a newborn unattended.
Mommy Sienna: "Baby Ella is going for a walk. Oh my goodness...Baby Ella you poops! Time to change!"
*insert action of baby being dumped out of the stroller similar to how a dump truck would lighten its load.
Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby Ella, you are tinky! Oh my goodness, what is 'appenin here? You go timeout! You no poops on the carpet! Bad baby bad baby bad baby!!
*insert action of baby being shoved into the wall face first and Sienna standing behind her with her hands on her hips counting to ten.
Mommy Sienna: "One, two, seven, three, eight...TEN! Okay baby, you get out now."
*again, insert stuffing action into the chair, but this time baby's head is now positioned backwards to her body. Baby won't fit in the chair, so more stuffing ensues...eventually baby goes in upside down.
Mommy Sienna: "Now I go to work. Bye Baby Ella, I wuv you. Oh my goodness! What is 'appenin here? No poops on the carpet! NO POOPS ON THE CARPET! Bad baby...now you go time out!!! I'm the boss! I AM THE MOMMY SO I AM THE BOSS! You go time out NOWWWWWWWWW!!"

So there is something quite ironic about hearing your own words come out of your child's mouth. No, I have never stuffed Sienna into the stroller by her head OR upside down (although the thought HAS occurred to me before), and no I haven't sent her to timeout for "poops on the carpet". I am thinking that I may need to do a check of my house though...is there something I don't know about hiding in their bedroom???

I know for a fact that at one point in our lives or another we have all have experienced this same phenomenon...the "oh my gosh, I HAVE become my mother!!" moment that hits us like a ton of bricks.

Lately with my own kids I have had several revelations about being a mom and my own mother. Mostly it has been me wincing from the new awareness of a whole different perspective from my own childhood that before becoming a mother I never even considered. Birthdays have a new meaning for me now--used to be all about me...but now on my own birthday I think of my mom and what memories she harbors from that day almost 37 years ago. I also think of all the time my own mother had for us kids and how she never seemed tired, tense or overwhelmed. I'm sure she felt it but she never let us feel it. Often I quiz her on if she ever grew impatient or frustrated and she just laughs and says, "Oh honey, you don't know the half of it..."

So as I listen to my own daughter put her doll into timeout for the 27th time I have to say that today I am thankful for the fact that yes, I am like my mother. I hope that one day my daughter can have the same realization and hear my words come out of her mouth.

The nice ones, of course.

Human Anatomy 101

I usually do my weekly grocery shopping on Friday mornings with both kids in tow. I have done this numerous times so believe me...I should KNOW better than to bring two kids under the age of 4 grocery shopping by myself. Still, I must be a glutton for punishment because no matter what, I put on my brave face, arm myself with plentiful snacks in my purse, inject myself with caffeine and away we go.

A recent Friday excursion to the local mart changed forever how I felt about all of that. Recently I have vowed never to go grocery shopping with both of my kids by myself until they are well over the age of 18. The following story will clearly explain why...

My kids woke up unusually feisty that particular morning. That should have been my first red flag. Of course I didn't pay any attention. I would pay for that later, believe me.

The trip started off fine (or so it seemed) and I decided that today would be different. Today my kids would be angels in the store. Today I wouldn't get any "Oh honey I've been there" looks from the kind cashiers. Today my kids would not scream at the top of their lungs that they wanted to "GOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW" while we were trying to pay. Oh no...today would be DIFFERENT.

Hah. Good one, eh?

And then came the deli.

As I was placing my order with the kind gentleman who was working behind the counter I hear the following conversation between my two children:
Sienna: "I have a penis." (said very proudly)
Devin (my almost 4 year old boy) "No Sienna, you do not have a penis. You have a "gina. Boys have penises and girls have "ginas.
Sienna: "I have a penis." (said just as proudly but much louder now)
**Note--at this point the attention of ALL the other shoppers in the immediate area is focused on my children and MOI..
Devin: NO Sienna, you do NOT have a penis. BOYS have penises and you are not a boy. I am a boy and I HAVE A PENIS!"
Sienna (growing very agitated now and LOUD) "I HAVE A PENIS! I HAVE A PENIS! I HAVE A PENIS!
Devin: "Mommy, tell Sienna that she does not have a penis!! Mommmmy, mooooooooommmy...MOM!!!"

Meanwhile I am secretly plotting how easy it would be to slip silently to the side and pretend that I have NEVER seen these children before in my life.

You see, we have worked with our kids on learning our body parts and have always used the correct words for all these body parts. This was a moment where I was wishing perhaps we had a secret word or code word for certain body parts. Just imagine how much nicer that conversation would've been to have overheard. Nope not a chance. I had the word "penis" being shouted out at regular intervals by my 2 1/2 year old who was practically chanting it at this point.

And right when I thought I could just melt into the floor with embarrassment the kind gentleman behind the counter became my knight in shining armor with a few simple words:
"Little girl, would you like a chicken strip?"

Silence.

Sienna LOVES chicken strips.

Right there I realized exactly what I was thankful for...brave deli workers who aren't phased by anything and don't even skip a beat when hearing a lesson in human anatomy from a 2 1/2 year old.

And of course chicken strips.

Suffice to say, I will be going solo this week to the grocery store. No need to push my luck on this one.

Checking out...to really check in

My world is really no different than any other modern day mother. I work full time, enjoy my family and am connected in many ways "electronically" to the world. Email, cell phones, tv, video games. It is endless and constant at times. And of course as my kids grow older in this new technological age, I have the same concerns that most other mothers have. Are my kids watching to much tv? Does the internet rule our household (laptops, iphones) and how do I introduce all of this "stuff" to my kids in a healthy and responsible way? I have a very good friend who said to me once, "This is a new world and our kids will HAVE to know how to navigate this sort of media in a way we did not have to growing up..." She's right but still it is a very intricate and delicate balance to uphold and one that my husband and I still are trying to figure out as we go.

This weekend we had the opportunity to go car camping at a local state campsite with our children and my parents. It was to be the first true "camping" experience for my children and I won't lie to you and say I didn't have some major reservations about how well it would really go. Some questions that ran through my head as we prepared to go: Will my kids actually sleep in a tent? Do we have enough food, milk, toys, water, clothing to last us 2 nights with YOUNG children who attract dirt like it is air? Will my kids sleep in the tent--and do we have enough wine in case they don't?? What if it rains? WILL MY KIDS SLEEP IN A TENT?????? Do I have enough diapers? WILLLLLL MYYYYYYY KIIIIIIIIDDDSSS SLEEEEEEEP INNNNN AAAAA TENNNNNNNNNNTTTTT?

Yes, I had my concerns.

As we traveled up the winding road and "out of service" from all connections to our daily world I could feel us literally checking out. I couldn't remember the last time I had disconnected like that. It was a bit unnerving at first to say the least...but also strangely liberating at the same time.

Turns out...it was a fabulous experience from the start to the finish, and one that brought back all sorts of nostalgic memories from my own childhood camping experiences. Yes, we had rain--and lots of it. Yes, we had enough food, milk, water, toys and clothing to last us 2 nights with YOUNG children who attract dirt like it is air. Yes, we had a blast exploring the muddy beach of the lake while tossing rocks into the bluest water you've ever seen. Yes, we had neighbors who partied til 3 in the morning despite the campground "quiet hours". Yes, we had more marshmallows in one night than I hope to ever ingest again in my lifetime. (Somehow all of the ones I took out of the bag were half eaten with tiny bite marks already out of them...Sienna????) And yes, my children went to sleep in the tent. Eventually.

What struck me most about this beautiful weekend is how easy it is to find yourself swept up into the "internet age" and how we can forget to slow down and really BE with our families. Oh I'm not knocking my iphone...believe me I had that thing up and running the MINUTE it had a single bar available for me to use. But after this weekend I am thankful for the "forced" opportunity to check out...in order to find myself fully checked in.

I can't wait for the next adventure...half-eaten marshmallows and all.

Duct tape

As I sit here enjoying my morning coffee and pondering the day ahead of me one thing comes to mind.

Duct tape.

Yes you see, we are going camping for the first time with two small children and I can't help but think it would be a helpful thing to pack along. There are of course many uses for duct tape and being a lifelong Alaskan I have heard the many stories of near death survival situations where duct tape was the MUST HAVE.

I of course, have other reasons for bringing along duct tape...but we'll get to those later.

First though, let me tell you a little bit about my second child, Sienna May, who is a perfect 2 1/2 years old and may possibly be the devil reincarnate herself.
Kidding...
Maybe.
She is a sweet faced curly haired child who with one look of her chocolate brown eyes can melt your heart to pieces...and then she goes in for the kill. Sienna could possibly be the most willful and headstrong child (haha--I know all of the parents of 2 1/2 year old children must be laughing and agreeing with me now) that has ever lived. She of course is the child who refuses to eat anything unless it is A. a hot dog, B. a hot dog, or C. a hot dog. Did I mention she has exquisite taste? She has the uncanny knack of screaming at the top of her lungs (no matter where she is) and shattering glass all around her. She can in one instant be cuddling on your lap and the next telling you in her sweet baby voice, "mommy you are toopid". Yes...this is my second born and lovely girl child.
It's a good thing she is cute and sleeps for 12 hours a night or else she probably wouldn't survive.
So the other day we are having lunch and of course I have loaded her plate with all the goodness I can provide...fruits delicately sliced, veggies seasoned just right and some bits of grilled chicken cut perfectly for her little fingers to pinch and place in her mouth. We sit down at our bar stools and the following conversation ensues:
Mommy: "Sienna, eat your lunch" (said with love and adoration)
Sienna: "Yuck mommy. That's poop. I don't wike my wunch"
Mommy: "Sienna, that is what we are having for lunch and no it's not poop. It's chicken and fruit and look...some yummy carrots with ranch!" (still said with love and adoration, but perhaps with a hint of annoyance)
Sienna: "Yuck, that's poop. I don't wike my wunch. I want a 'hog gog'..."
Mommy: (said through gritted teeth) "Sienna, we are not having hot dogs for lunch. You may eat this or you may get down."
*Insert action of food being pushed away by Sienna and the chicken taking a dive to the floor.."
Sienna: "Toopid mommy, I don't wike you. I don't wike chicken. I don't wike my wunch. I WANT A HOG GOG NOWWWWWW"

At this point I don't need to go into any more specifics but I can tell you what I WANTED to do, I wanted to shove the chicken into her sweet baby faced mouth and say "EAT THE CHICKEN YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!"...but of course I didn't and took a deep breath instead. I tried very VERY hard to think of my one thing to be thankful for (oh I was stretching to say the least) and that's when it popped into my head...duct tape.
You see, duct tape could come in very handy with 2 1/2 year olds in many various ways.
Let your mind wander now...ahhh...you see it too?
I'm sure there are oodles of parents out there who are screaming and seething at the mere suggestion that I, a MOTHER, would DARE suggest using duct tape on my child. I know, even typing it now it sounds absolutely awful.
But secretly I'd bet those very same mothers (and fathers) have had the same thought once or twice in their lives...even if they don't want to put it out there in cyber space for everyone to read.

Well, now we are back to the beginning and as I wind this up I will tell you this. I WILL be packing one last item in my backpack for our weekend camping trip into the great outdoors. Because sometimes survival can come down to one thing...

Duct tape.

Space...the final frontier...

Space is an interesting thing.

You can have an entire house of it and yet where does everyone end up? The kitchen...or perhaps it's better to say that in my house everyone tends to end up wherever I am. This is true in many cases, except of course if I am looking for some help, say with dishes or laundry...then of course I have nothing but space. It's a tricky concept. I have young children and it never fails, dinner time comes and of course we are all tripping over each other in the kitchen despite the fact that we have oodles of places to "be" in our home. Between screeches of "no running in the kitchen" and "Sienna GET DOWN" I manage to get dinner made (no telling the state of it) and on the table as my kids ping pong off the cabinets. It is not always pretty. Dinner and beyond usually turn into my "Calgon...take me away" moments where I find myself dreaming and wishing for endless amounts of the elusive thing called "space". Space to breathe, space to walk across the kitchen without a child stuck to my leg, space to just BE.

Ironically enough, today, space was my thing to be thankful for.

My kids and I had the opportunity to go and explore Independence Mine in Hatcher's Pass today with friends. It was an amazing outdoor experience hiking among the mossy rocks and exploring the nooks and crannies created by all of the massive boulders littering the valley. Upon being released from the car my kids were off and scrambling up the path trying hard to make it to the "top" while us adults followed behind. The kids would run up ahead of us and back again, making their hike at least twice as long as ours, yet not minding a bit. Space had finally been achieved, and lots of it. You could almost see it in their faces as they relaxed into the feeling that they were FREE. We spent the afternoon picking our way along a lazy loop, stopping along the way to have lunch and finally making it back to the car. It was absolutely a perfect afternoon.

As we arrived back home from our adventure we readied ourselves for afternoon naps...which at our house is usually a very challenging time. The kids, thoroughly exhausted from the morning, climbed into their beds and snuggled into their cozy covers settling in right away. I took the chance to lay down myself in my own bed relishing the lingering magic of the morning and reflecting on the interesting relationship that I have with "space". As I started to drift off I felt a shifting of the bed and realized that I had company...two little bodies had burrowed their way into my covers. Space is a wonderful thing and sometimes all it takes is just a little bit to really appreciate the truly important things in your life.

And so it begins...with peanut butter

This is my first foray into the writing world. For those of you who choose to journey with me, please be kind. I welcome your responses, thoughts and criticisms in the most helpful way. Thank you for listening because god knows...we've all been there or will be soon enough.

I'm many things in this world--woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, teacher...and of all these "titles" the mother role perplexes me the most. It could be of course that I am living in the realm of an almost 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. No other explanation needed, right? Yes, you get my point.

This may be a perfect spot to insert my disclaimer: I am happily married and love my kids, family, and life. End disclaimer.

Moving on.

The thought occurred to me one day that perhaps during trying times with my kids I could use a bit of reverse psychology on myself...that in the heat of horrid moment (which occurs at a rate of about once an hour given the ages of my kids) I should try to focus on at least one thing to be thankful for (yes, I know...haha) and so today it was PEANUT BUTTER. Yes, simple creamy stick to the roof of your mouth peanut butter...because when my 2 1/2 year old daughter's mouth was stuffed full of it she could not call me stupid or scream at the top of her lungs at me. Heaven in so many ways...

And so it begins with peanut butter...I'm going to be faithful to this journey and post daily my one thing that I am thankful for (out of the many things I have to choose from) to remind myself to firstly, not take things to seriously, and secondly, to perhaps see the humor in it all even if it is hiding deeply below the surface.

Peanut butter. Who knew?