It Just Eats You Up...

Guilt sucks.

We all toss it, take it, and experience it at some point in our lives. With children in your life, it would seem that there is more than enough of it to go around. Guilt about not having enough time, energy, patience, or resources to fulfill our kids' every need, as well as our own.

Yeah, it stinks.

Some days I am immune to the effects of guilt. There are the times where my daughter crying at daycare can just tug at my heartstrings and bring tears to my own eyes, and others where I am more than happy to drop her off and walk out the door. (Horrible, yes, but brutally honest...) Or times, perhaps, when I refuse to allow the feeling to overtake my happiness at enjoying some much needed quiet time on my own.

I have found through my past experiences that I tend to be a people pleaser, always afraid to just say "No thank you..." and instead being roped into doing something perhaps that I didn't really want to do to begin with. Once I had children it became a lot easier to say no because time wouldn't allow the luxury of saying yes. Kids demand your attention and many things fall to the wayside. Another discovery was that I can easily "hole up" and become reluctant to go outside of my own comfort level. Staying home instead of venturing out because I don't want to miss a nap time. Avoiding long drives to town because of gas prices. Missing out on life because of various schedules. All of these instances have very rational arguments to support them, but before you know it life has passed you by leaving you to wonder, "What just happened?"

Yup, I told ya...it hurts.

But mostly I have come to the realization that guilt is just a wasted feeling. Truly, I am in charge of my own "upset" and no one can make me feel anything...good or bad. It is amazing though, how much energy I can spend worrying about it instead of just doing something towards making changes for the better.

So today I am thankful for a family member who gave me the opportunity to reflect on this conundrum. Maybe I won't say "Yes" right away to everything that comes my way, but instead of an instant "No" I can at least say, "Let me think about it...". I can make the much needed effort to step outside of my comfort level and join in on life. I can enjoy the time I have with my loved ones but also feel good about cherishing the moments alone as well. I can give myself permission to let the "guilt" go and stop wasting my valuable resources on such an empty negative feeling.

It really comes down to the fact that we only have one shot at this journey, so why not live a little? You never know what might happen if you do...

I can't wait to find out.