It's Your Choice...

I recently read an interesting article on line (Parenting.com) about whether or not being a parent makes you happier. The article was originally from New Yorker Magazine and talked about how most people with children are in fact NOT happier than their childless friends are. I found this to be very interesting and it has stuck with me for the last few days.

I would have to say that parenting is the hardest task I have ever taken on. The physical demands (lack of sleep!!) as well as the emotional demands far outweigh anything I've dealt with so far in my life. The fact that I am constantly responsible for the health and well being of two little extra "someones" besides myself is a huge undertaking and one I don't take lightly. It is constant...it is 24 hours a day...it is EXHAUSTING. And I am a person who is happily married with a steady job and a fabulous support system of extended family nearby. I cannot even begin to fathom what a single parent goes through or what the stress level of their parenting job is.

So does this mean I am less happy now that I have kids?

Well, that is of course a tough question. Ask me this, perhaps, on a day when my 2 1/2 year old is throwing one of her spectacular temper tantrums in the middle of the grocery store and I might pause a moment before really answering...

I have always personally felt that happiness is a state of mind that we can make or break depending on our perspective. Am I happier now that I am never ever alone? Am I happier now that I have endless responsibilities? Am I happier now that I have worries and sleepless nights spent wondering whether or not I am raising my children the best way that I can?

Not too long ago, my son celebrated his fourth birthday and we filled his day with fun activities from start to finish. The zoo, soccer practice, a favorite restaurant for dinner, and of course...presents. I could tell that he loved every minute of it and at the end of HIS day he gave me the biggest hug and whispered, "Mommy, this was my BEST birthday ever..." His words were sweet and filled me up inside. I felt "happy" and for good reason..the day was extraordinary, moods were light and things were good.

There are also the recent days where nothing seems to go right. Kids are whiny, cranky, sick, whiny, needy, clingy, WHINY...and all you can think of is, "What the heck was I THINKING when I signed up for this thing called parenting anyways???" Those are the days where by the end of the day you have more than earned your MOM badge and perhaps question your happiness with life as you know it. These are also the same days where the "happiness" might come in small moments or glimmers that you have to quickly grab onto and catch when you can. The hug after the temper tantrum, the unexpected snuggle before bedtime, the "I love you Mommy" when you least expect it.

So, going back to my original question...am I happier now that I have children? The answer is yes... but in a different way than before as my definition of "happy" has changed over the years. "Happiness is a sleeping child..." is a statement I wholeheartedly agree with now but probably wouldn't have ever thought of before kids. I won't say that there aren't moments or days where it is very hard to find it, but yes I am happy and thankful for all the challenges that children bring with them.

Then again, I believe happiness is something you also have to find within yourself and not depend on from other people. My children can't make me happy, my husband can't make me happy, my dog can't even make me happy. I have to actively choose to BE happy.

Temper tantrums and all.

**Note: The original article I mentioned above can be found at http://www.parenting.com/new/blogs/show-and-tell/alina-parentingcom/does-having-kids-make-you-less-happy