And Here We Are Again...

After finishing the school year out at the end of May and then torturing myself by finishing 6 college credits in 3 weeks, my family is now officially on summer break. Finally. No more early wake ups, lunches to be packed, or daily regimented schedules to be followed.

Or so I thought.

It would appear that the two little someones residing at my house had apparently missed the memo.

Monday morning arrived and with it all the promise of a restful and relaxing summer ahead of us. Of course it came at the ungodly hour of 5 am with my son's sweet breath on my face. I painfully peeled open one eye to see my almost 5 year old little boy standing before me fully dressed in camouflaged attire.

"Mommy...mommy? Are you in there? Mommy, I'm all dressed and ready for summer. Let's go!"

Ugh. Really? 5 am?

REALLY???

So here we are once again facing the endless possibilities of time off with Mommy. Allow me to re-introduce you to the starring players in our game of life:

*Devin "Optimus Prime" Himes. He does have a middle name that is not affiliated with a well known Autobot, but I reserve the right to use that moniker for only important occasions when I REALLY need to get his attention. Currently obsessed with all things Transformers, about to turn 5, experienced bike rider extraordinaire and future kindergartner. He is my first born and only son. He will also most likely be the death of my sanity this summer as we are going through the weaning of the sacred and beloved "nap". Oh boy...

*Sweet Sienna May...age 3 1/2. Reluctant member of the "Two Bite Club" for a few lucky fruits and vegetables and proud mommy to all of her poor various dollies, who by the way spend far more time in "time out" than she does. Lover of high heels, making mud pies, and of course hot dogs. Oh where would we be without hot dogs...

My husband and I are thankful to have front row seats to the everyday hysterics that these two little beings present for us. Through this blog I am hoping to once again paint a picture of what life is like with small children during a teacher's summer break off. I know that there will be ups and downs with all sorts of unexpected trials and tribulations along this journey. This is just my small way of remembering to focus on the good in it all, and to find one thing in each day to be thankful for amongst the many to choose from.

Welcome back and hang on because I'm sure that it will be a fun ride. With these two anything is possible.

Back in the Saddle...

Less is more.

Quite fitting since the last time I posted was almost two months ago. Let's just say that I've been busy with life...and the myriad of other things that go with it.

Enough said.

Back to my topic...there are many things in my life that I would love to see less of.

Less whining.
Less traffic.
Less laundry, dishes and cleaning.
Less, less less.

So why is it that the things you would like to have more of seem to inevitably fall into that chasm of "less"?

Time...
Energy...
Money...
Sleep...sleep...oh SLEEP!!!

I was listening to a report recently on how the general public seemed to be tightening its belt quite a bit with the economic crisis of late. With the jobless rate on the rise, many families had been forced into budgeting their money more conservatively and spending trends had appeared to have taken a steep dive. Bottom line...people were saving more and thinking hard about what they were really using their money on, which overall meant LESS spending.

Situations like the one described above creates a shift in one's thinking and stimulates a creativity that surrounds the choices we make. In my own house we have taken many simple steps towards limiting our needless spending. We have chosen to enjoy many weekends at home with homemade meals, where a year ago we might have instead ordered take-out or gone out to eat at a restaurant. We spent our fall working on our property with our own hands (free labor!) instead of doing many of the renovations that could have been quite costly. We used cash more often for groceries and when it was gone...it was gone. Let me tell you, one trip to the grocery store with a limited amount of cash and a calculator is enough to really make you think twice about your purchases. It makes you prioritize.

And that is what life is all about...priorities.

I won't tell you that it has all been love and roses. We have definitely hit our bumps along the way and there have been many frustrations over not being able to just get what we want when we want it. But I will tell you this, we have always had MORE than enough of those things that we needed...

Time.
Energy.
Love.

I desperately wish I could add sleep to that list but it's just not quite in the cards yet. With two young VERY early risers that is still one thing that regretfully I still have less of.

One day, oh...one day...

It's good to be back. I'm hoping that my absence is something that there will be LESS of.

Biting Your Tongue...

Sometimes we just need to listen.

If we took a moment to stop the words that were itching to slip out of our mouths and just hear what is going on around us we could stand to learn a lot. Especially with young children around.

Devin: "Next year I am going to Kindergarten. I'm really going to miss all you guys!
Mommy: "Where is it you think you're going??"
Devin: "Kindergarten mom! So I won't be seeing you anymore."

Sienna: "Devin you have an owie on your weg. Now we will cut off your weg. Okay?"
Devin: "Sienna...if you cut off my weg all of my food will fall out!"
Sienna: "Oh no... we will cut off your arm. Okay?"

Devin: "Mommy...remember the time that I went hunting and caught a tiger and we ate it for dinner?"
Sienna: "Ohhhhh yes...that was NUMMY!"

There is the truth...and then there is the truth as kids see it. These two things would appear to be very different from each other, and the reality we live in. Kids are constantly bending the truth to fit their own needs or will even choose to disregard it completely in lieu of their own "truth". It's an appealing practice, really. How many times have I wished I could write my own reality? Or change the situation I was in based on what I wanted to happen instead of what was really happening?

Think on it a minute...
Yes, the appeal of it is quite apparent, eh?

It is completely refreshing to just listen to the way children view their world. Many times I find myself wanting to correct what they are saying in order to set them on the right path:
No, your food will not fall out if you cut off your leg.
No you will not be leaving our family permanently to go to kindergarten.
No you have never been hunting on your own and as far as I can remember you have yet to feed me tiger for dinner.

But it is those times when I stop the urge to just jump in with my own "truth" that the real essence of being a child comes through. Innocence. Creativity. Imagination. Three things that I hope my children never lose just to be "right".

So, for now I try to listen and allow myself to dwell for a bit in a reality that is not quite my own. I know these years of young children will go fast and I want to hold on to every tidbit while I can.

Now, off to find a recipe for tiger...I have a special dinner to prepare.

Fitting It In...

Trying to fit that proverbial square peg into the round hole is difficult at times.

Hell, who am I kidding...it's difficult all the time.

A life with small children is a testament to this statement. For example, trying to get out of the house on time with two young ones in tow. Oh yes...now you see my point.

Mornings are my favorite time of day and by nature I am an early riser. Those moments before the rest of the world awakens were always very special to me. Whether I was hitting the gym or lingering over my morning joe they were mine and only mine.

That was, of course, before children.

A fly on the wall on any given morning would be exhausted after watching only two minutes of our morning routine...and that is even before my children are up. There are lunches to be finished, coffee to be made (and injected) and the evening's dinner to be prepped. There is the 40 minutes of yoga, my personal sanity saver, to fit in so I can begin to get a grasp on the tasks ahead of me. There is the time it takes to get myself ready and presentable for a day in the professional world...and then there are the kids. My two little lovebugs have also always been early risers so you'd think they'd be up as soon as I was...but nooooo...of course as soon as school starts and we HAVE to get up they decide it is the perfect time to start sleeping in. Go figure.

I am happy if we just get out the door...never mind the state we're in or even if we are remotely on time.

You see, forcing issues with kids can make life miserable. You say go, they sit down. You say stop, they run away. It's like they just have the need to do the opposite of anything you say and pushing the limits with that just cements their stubbornness even further. It is maddening to say the least. So, what do you do?

You do the best you can.

I am no longer worried about getting my kids up and dressed before daycare so clothes are packed in backpacks. As far as I know, no one has ever suffered by wearing jammies all day and secretly I think my kids love it. Breakfast is dry cereal in a bag and lunches are made the night before. Dinner happens whether I prep it early or not and somehow a shower is slipped into the mix. Letting go just a bit allows all of the pieces to fall into place without tears or tantrums...from me. And everything always seems to work out, just maybe not the way I had planned which evidently is just fine.

So mornings continue to be my favorite time of day but for different reasons. I have learned to cherish the calm before the storm even more as it is still my time, even if for just a short bit of time. There is also the sweet anticipation of the good morning hugs yet to come from my two little someones snoozing downstairs.

That is the best part of all...and makes the rest so very worth it.

Hard To Swallow...

"You can't always get what you want..."

Or so says the popular song from the Rolling Stones. It does go on to say that "...if you try sometimes...you get what you need..." but I'd like to tweak their words just a tad to instead say, "if you CRY loud enough...you THINK you'll get what you need".

There...now you have life with a young child.

Needs vs. wants. A complicated concept that is largely misunderstood not only by children but our entire society today. Really it speaks loudly wherever you go as you see people living outside their means (including myself at times) who confuse their daily "needs" with their "wants". So how does one teach and explain this to a young child?

Recently there was a popular event, Walking With Dinosaurs, held in our city that had everyone talking. It was THE event to be seen by all. Tickets went on sale far in advance and at the time I didn't bite. I figured I would buy them later when we had the money but of course all that meant is that we never bought tickets. As the date of the show approached my son saw the commercials on TV and desperately wanted to see the amazing dinosaurs featured. (This was mostly because we had been telling him that dinosaurs were extinct and he just couldn't figure out HOW they could be coming to an arena near him!) Needless to say I had to break the news to him that we wouldn't be able to go.

Devin: "Mommy, I reawwy want to see dinosaurs. Can we go today?
Mommy: "Nope, we won't be able to go see the dinosaurs. Maybe we can read a book about dinosaurs instead."
Devin: "Why? Why can't we go? I WANT to go...I WANT to go see the dinosaurs!"
Mommy: "I know Devin, I know you want to see the dinosaurs but we don't have tickets and so we will have to do something else instead. I can tell that you're upset...how about we watch a dinosaur movie?"
Devin: (whining now and about to cry) "Mommy...I NEED to see the dinosaurs! I need to go to the show...you never take me anywhere...you are a mean mommy. Daddy...can I go to the dinosaurs? Mommy said yes..."

Sigh...

Again a case of needs vs. wants. Did my son NEED to see the extravagant show about dinosaurs? No of course not, but his four year old heart told him he wanted to see it therefor he needed to see it. What my son really needed was a big hug and to know that sometimes what we want and what we need are not the same things. This is a tough lesson we have all faced many times in our lives and as difficult as it is to grasp it always stings just a bit when the need and want are not synonymous. The needs in life are very basic: food, water, shelter and connections. I don't remember seeing dinosaurs on the list but according to my son they were right up there with the rest.

I read somewhere once that it is important to raise "self-reliant children in a self-indulgent world". This seems like a daunting task when "wants" are blasted from every radio, TV commercial, and shopping mall. So how do we teach our kids to filter these wants so that they can grow to be responsible and mature adults who don't rely on extrinsic stimuli?

Bit by bit and day by day through our own personal choices that we model for them.

Did my son survive without seeing the dinosaur show? Of course he did. In fact not even 20 minutes later he had forgotten all about the conversation over not going. I firmly believe that it is important for kids to sometimes feel the disappointment that comes with not always getting what you want. We have to understand how to navigate this disappointment in order to deal with the bazillions of moments in our lives when we will have to manage it. Life isn't always roses and we in fact do NOT always get what we want. By indulging my kids' every want I am not helping them in any way to learn this valuable lesson. Instead I am hindering their growth and giving them a false sense of what the world is really like.

But the song is right...if we do try sometimes we will get what we need. My children are well cared for, fed and loved beyond belief...and no dinosaur will ever change that.

Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting...

Sleeping in the same bed with a toddler can harmful to your health...especially if your child is a "kung-fu" sleeper.

When my husband and first started out pre-kids we had a very small bed. A full size that did us fine but that was definitely a tight squeeze and personally I loved it as it lent itself to cuddling. (Insert "Ahhh" now) Then came children. Yes of course I was that parent who said, "My kids will never sleep in our bed...". Okay, well those words didn't even last a month with a new baby. We didn't have the luxury of a co-sleeper so when round the clock nursing took its toll my sweet baby landed on the mattress next to me and my poor 6'4" husband landed on the couch. He chose that of course--he had to still get up to go to work in the mornings and let's be honest here...a newborn and two parents just really don't fit in a full size bed. It wasn't very pretty to say the least.

With just the two of us (a different two of us--Devin and I) a full size bed did just fine for a while. Then when each of my children finally reached about 4 months of age and started sleeping through the night we decided to move them back into their own rooms and to their cribs. I still remember the first night they each made it all the way through without waking once because despite the fact that I should have also been sleeping I wasn't. I was up every hour checking to see if all was okay. Oh and also pumping...because even though my child slept through the night my breasts hadn't figured it out yet. Sigh...

At this point in our lives, my husband (even though he was back in the room with me) decided that we needed a larger bed. We ended up with a king size mattress which seriously felt as though it was so big we each had our own time zone in there. Heaven for sure and even better now that kids were not in there with us.

Right.

Many a night I am awoken to heavy breathing on my face and the whisper of, "Mommy, can I fweep with you?".

Now I am just going to take a moment to insert this very quick statement here...why in the heck is it that they always come to MY side of the bed???? Why don't they ever pose these questions to their father????

Of course we allow them to scramble in and then the real fun begins. They snuggle their bodies in between my husband and I and cozy up under the covers and all would appear to be peaceful and calm. Meanwhile I am arming myself with pillows and stuffing blankets around myself because I am fully aware of what it about to go down...kung-fu sleeping. All of a sudden arms are being thrown and legs are kicking out of nowhere...elbows find chins and occasionally a finger even meets its mark. Yes, it is dangerous to have a 32 pound almost 3 year old in your bed and if you value your life, or at the very least your teeth you'd just say NO when they ask to climb in. Before you know it, it will be 4 am and you'll find yourself up writing a blog to document it all. Oh yes, my daughter and my husband are perfectly content and snoring in the very large city-sized bed now that I have retreated from it and landed on the couch myself.

Hmmmppph.

So what is it that I can be thankful for in this situation? Frankly I'm not really too sure. I'm going to bet that it will end up being coffee because with the very long day ahead of me I'll probably need gallons of it to keep myself going. I love my children dearly but firmly do believe that they have their own beds for a reason...mostly so no one gets hurt, but also because we all need that much needed break that nighttime brings. The refresh stage of the day is hard to manage when all you can think of is how to block the next unintended blow.

Maybe I'll invest in hockey pads...

Just A Bit Tight...

August is traditionally "beans and rice" month for my family.

Why you might ask? Well as a teacher we don't get paid until a month AFTER we go back to work. Now, for those who have managed their money wisely and planned ahead I'm sure it is most definitely not a "beans and rice" month for their families. But no matter how hard I try I never seem to make it work. So, therefore, we eat a lot of beans and rice til payday arrives because it is cheap and affordable and filling.

It's really not that different from when I was growing up. My mother was a teacher and I always remember her most creative meals came from back-to-school times when the pantry was almost empty and she had to really dig deep to provide for three growing kids. We used to joke that we were "Food Club" kids as that was the non-name brand that you could most often find on our shelves. Did it taste any different? Not at all but it was much easier on the pocketbook, that's for sure, and you can bet you'd find the same brands in my pantry today.

My son recently has shown interest in money and how it works. Now at four years of age, he is definitely a bit young to grasp the concept of our monetary system but believe me...he knows that it is important and that it does something.

Devin: "Mommy, maybe today you can take me to the store."
Mommy: "Why is that Devin? We went shopping for groceries yesterday so we don't need anything."
Devin: "I have money. I was thinking I could buy you something."
*note--the money that Devin is talking about consists of pennies and quarters that live in his piggy bank.
Mommy: "Oh that is so sweet of you but I don't need anything. You can just save your money to spend on yourself."
Devin: "Oh no mommy, I really think you need something. I was thinking that you could take me to Fred Meyers because you really need an elephant."
Mommy: "An elephant? Really? Now what would I do with an elephant?"
Devin: "You could ride it to work. Now come on and wet's go to the store..."

I'm not so sure an elephant could do 65 mph on the highway or what kind of gas mileage it gets but I'm almost positive that Fred Meyer's probably doesn't carry them.

Money is a tricky thing and with kids you can never have enough of it. The baby itself throws your budget for a loop with the birth and then there are diapers and maybe formula and doctors visits and deductibles to be met...and before you know it the ultimate cost with having a kid...DAYCARE. We pay more in daycare costs right now than some people pay on their mortgage. I cringe every month when I write the check but also know that you pay for what you get and believe me...I adore my daycare provider and would give her my left kidney if it was the only way my kids could stay with her. These costs are only the beginning...later there are sports fees and braces and hair cuts and school supplies...it is truly endless. We don't live an extravagant lifestyle but having two kids has definitely put a strain on our budget that wasn't there before.

So today I am thankful that I have beans and rice in my cupboard and that my mother was a great example of how to make a delicious something out of seemingly nothing. It may be tight at times but I know that with a little creativity we can always make it through the tough month of August and beyond.

And contrary to my son's belief, I don't see any elephants in my future.

And Away We Go...

Transitions are always a bit hard.

Today is the last day of my summer break which means my family is about to experience a huge one. My kids will go back to daycare full time and I will return to the world of teaching.

Talk about a shock to the system.

During the summer months my type A personality keeps us on sort of a schedule. (This is a nice way of saying that I try desperately to get my kids to sleep during nap each day so I can have a break.) We eat when we're hungry, we go outside when we feel like it, we go on outings that aren't limited to the evenings and weekends when I'm usually off and home. Because my husband works year round I also take on the laundry, cooking and most of the cleaning during my summers off because I'm home and it's not a big deal to tackle it during the day. But now as I am facing my last 24 hours of freedom the reality of the fall and winter are truly setting in. Earlier wake ups, lunches to be packed, kids to be dressed and out the door by a certain time and not to mention the fact that I will have to get my own butt out of bed just that much earlier so I can also be ready and presentable for a day of work. No more dirty hair in a ponytail and t-shirt with shorts to make it through a day at the park. Household chores will also have to be divvied up a little more equally between my husband and I. And then of course there are the kids and their understanding of what is about to happen.

Mommy: "This is the last week of mommy being home all the time with you and next week I have to go back to work."
Devin: "Well where are we going?"
Sienna: (said very stubbornly) "I no go anywhere!"
Mommy: "Well, you will start going to Ms. Becky's again...your school. Mommy has to teach the kids so you have to learn at Ms. Becky's. Aren't you excited?"
Devin: "No. I'm not going. Actuwawwy (Actually) I think I just want to stay home."
Sienna: "Me too! I stay home! I no go to Ms. Becky's...I stay in the car."
Mommy: "I know you want to be with mommy, but you can't stay home by yourself because it is not safe. You will have fun at Ms. Becky's with all of your friends."
Devin: "No, I don't think so. It's hard wistening at Ms. Becky's and I get tired so I'll just stay home."
Sienna: "Yes! Yes! Yes! Stay home! Stay home!"

Sigh. If only it were that easy...

I know it will be a tough switch into the school year but as much as I love spending time with my children I always welcome the change when August approaches. I know I miss a lot of time with my kids during my working months but for us a single income household isn't an option. And even if it was, I'm not sure I'd want that. I enjoy having the adult interaction that work brings for me and I crave having something...anything that is all my own. I know this about myself and I also know being a full time stay at home mommy isn't for me. Horrible? Nah...just honest. I just need both.

So today I am thankful for the extended amount of time I have been able to spend with my growing children over the last three months. Recently a friend shared a saying with me that helps to put it all in perspective when you're raising small kids: "The days are long but the years are short..." and it's true. Yes, we've have had our bumps and frustrations this summer and some very long days, but I also realize that before I know it my kids will be grown and these precious moments will be a thing of the past. My goal for now is to just soak it all up while I still can and try to appreciate that I am lucky enough to bare witness to it all.

Of course I am hoping for a smooth transition for my family in the upcoming weeks as we change the seasons. I know we will have some rough spots along the way but know we'll get through it together. This blog may not happen as frequently as it has in recent months but it has been an amazing way to reflect on my life with kids and the fun it brings.

Hopefully the future holds more laughs than tears...

One Berry, Two Berry, Three Berry, Four...

You can learn a lot about someone by the way they pick blueberries...

Oh I know, I'm sure you are wondering, "Now how in the heck is she going to make this connection?", but it's true. Today we had the luck of hitting up Hatcher's Pass with some friends for some early season berry picking. The weather was perfect (not too hot and not raining) and it was to be the first time my kids had ever gone in search of the perfect blueberry. We didn't have to go far. The bushes were thick with clumps of the tiny berries, so we quickly found our spot and started collecting.

Now I happen to be the type of berry picker that instantly starts picking any berry in her path with the mindset to "fill the pail" as fast as one can. Big berries, little berries...ripe berries, green berries...all of them into the bucket in the race to the top. Leaves, too, for if they are in my way they are getting tossed in. It is overwhelming to say the least when you look all around you and see nothing but berries just waiting to be picked! I found myself jumping from bush to bush to pick berries here and berries there and pretty much ended up walking in nothing but circles. I was grabbing berries left and right and in my haste actually dropped more on the ground than I had make it into the pail. Yes, I was the careless ADHD berry picker.

My husband, on the other hand, happens to be a "Virgo" berry picker. That is a very nice way of saying he is a perfectionist and very detail oriented. He'd never admit it, but I know he was checking circumference and color tone of every berry prior to plucking it from the branch. Do you think there were any leaves or twigs in his pail? Not on your life...only the most delectable and mouth watering blueberries on the hillside. All 10 of them. Yes, my husband was the anal berry picker.

And then there were the kids...my son was a champion berry picker and would've had the fullest pail of us all if any of them had even remotely made it into his pail instead of his stomach. He popped those tiny suckers into his mouth faster than any of us and then couldn't quite understand why it was that his pail was so empty. I would call him the smart berry picker.

Of course Sienna was along for the ride and for the first time her aversion to any fruit came in handy. We could count on her to NOT eat any of the berries. She did pick a few, but instead had fun insisting that we dump our berries into her bucket so she could also appear to have some. My daughter soon tired of anything berry related and settled down with the other kids there to play in the bushes and eat the "safe" snacks.

The dog? Well we couldn't leave him at home and I will just call him the annoying berry picker. Kula would plop his retired butt down in the middle of the bush I would be picking from and start plucking blueberries with his lips right out from under me! Stinker!

So despite our different methods, we were successful. We all had great fun and it was a wonderful way to pass an afternoon with friends. The conversation was light and the tone was exceptionally peaceful in the gorgeous valley thick with berries. My kids were introduced to a new experience and my son is already talking about how many berries he'll get the next time we go picking. I'm thankful that we live in a truly amazing place and I want my kids to soak up all that it has to offer.

Not only us but also our freezer. You can bet that we'll be enjoying these delightful little treats all through the dark winter months yet to come. Little bites of summer in a perfect blue package.

Yum.

Red or Blue?

Choices choices...

Good ones, bad ones, the ones that you know you should make but just can't bring yourself to actually commit to, "forced" or inevitable choices...life is definitely filled with them. We make a bazillion different choices by the hour each day without even realizing it and yet it is a skill that is learned and that we must teach our kids. How to make choices that will positively impact your life.

Notice that I didn't say "good" choices...there is a reason for that. Not all positive choices are in fact good.

For instance...a positive choice could be choosing to not eat all the cookies...but in my book I don't know if that is actually good. I would love nothing more than to eat all of the cookies despite the fact that doing so wouldn't positively impact my life.

Yes, you see my point now. It all depends on perspective...

With kids choices are essential. Instead of always telling my kids specifically what to do I try instead to frame it with two choices...which ultimately will get them to do what I want without them feeling like I was in charge. I know...it really is tricking them but still they are the person making the ultimate decision.

This doesn't always quite go as planned.

Mommy: "Devin, it is time to get dressed. Are you going to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?"
Devin: "I don't wike getting dressed and I am not going to get dressed and today is a jammie day and you're not going to my birthday party!"
(Oh boy...we're on THAT trip again...his birthday isn't for another 11 months and he's already whipping that line out...)
Mommy: "Red shirt or blue shirt?"
Devin: "No!!"
Mommy: "Red or blue?" (said with more than a hint of aggravation...)
Devin: "NOOOOOOOOO!"
Mommy: "Devin Michael Himes...you can wear the red shirt or the blue shirt or the green shirt but you are going to wear a shirt. Now get dressed!"
Devin: (with arms crossed across his chest and a smug look on his face) "I want the black shirt."

Okay, so did he choose one of the items I offered him? No, of course not...but he did eventually put a shirt on which was my goal out of all of this, a dressed kid. Sometimes it is all about offering up several choices that all lead to what you want. Of course, then the kid will just fight you til the bitter end and do whatever they feel like doing so you are left wanting to shove the freaking shirt over their head and be done with it.

Not such a positive choice on my part...but good nonetheless.

So today I am thankful that there was a shirt in my son's drawer that he was willing to wear. I know that these small (frustrating!) moments are all learning experiences that will help him on his way towards making positive choices in his life. I won't always be there to talk through the repercussions of all the decisions he will have to make as he matures and hopefully this will prepare him for what lies ahead.

One shirt at a time...

That One Stung a Bit...

To spank or not to spank...that is the question...

Well to be honest, it's not something that we have chosen to use with our kids. I was raised with a spanking or two, but honestly, the idea that I might receive a spanking was worse than the actual swat I might have ended up with. There have been moments with my kids where I have thought about it, but really it's not a method that holds a lot of weight in my eyes. That doesn't mean that I hold judgement on those who choose to employ it, just that it doesn't work for me.

Sometimes I am not really sure what DOES work for me...but you know, it's all a learning curve with small kids.

When my son was in the thick of his trying terrible two's, he was a biter. He would bare those pearly white teeth of his and sink them into any flesh available. And he didn't just nip you...he would bite and then PULL with his teeth attached to your arm, hand, leg, etc. which often left huge teeth marks surrounded by purplish bruises and hurt like the dickens. Bottom line--it was awful and a very hard habit to break. We worked with teaching him other ways to show his frustration and anger but in the end he had to outgrow it, and we had the battle scars to remember it by.

There was one particular time where it was the end of a long day and we were both at the end of our ropes. I was trying to get him into the bath (from the great outdoors where he had been running around naked) when I finally picked him up to carry him into the house. This did not sit well with HIS plans so he sunk his teeth into my shoulder and locked down. This was no normal bite, this was one of his spectacular "leave an imprint of every tooth bite" and it HURT. I was so shocked by the pain that I did what instinctively came to my brain: I cried out, "OUCH!" and hit back.

Ugggg.

Now I didn't hit hard, but instead a swat on his bare behind that when I finally dared to look had left a red outline of my hand on his tiny little butt. Instantly I felt horrified and guilty and like the worst mother in the world. The crushed look on my son's face reinforced all of these awful feelings and the tears began to pour forth from both of us. I quickly scooped him up into my arms and just held him tight. I felt like throwing up. What kind of mother was I to hit my own defenseless child? I knew instantly that spanking was not for me and that no matter what there had to be a better way.

I have to admit, that incident has stuck with me for a long time. The hand print on his butt faded but the memory of it has been enough to remind me that when and how I react to my kids' upset I am in fact teaching them how to handle their own. If I hit my son when he does something wrong I am teaching him that violence will get him what he wants...and then I might see him use that same method on his sister. Which he, as the big brother, does quite frequently but we are working on that. Does this mean that I never raise my voice? Or feel the frustration bubble up inside of me to the point where it almost boils over? No, in fact these emotions happen daily. All it means is that I try my best to take a deep breath and remember to calm myself first before I can help in the situation rather than make it worse.

Of course this is a personal decision that each parent has to make for themselves as we all do whatever we can to get by and survive the days with very young kids. I believe the true beauty in this lesson lies in the fact that despite all of the "incidents" we are constantly learning with each other and growing together. Does my son still bite? Nope...but back in those days I thought we would never get through it. So, today I am thankful for the chance to learn with my kids as they dance through each age and stage and for the knowledge that no matter what, we will survive.

Hopefully without too many battle scars.

Who Am I?

This morning at breakfast I received a lesson on my standing in the household according to Sienna:

Sienna: "Daddy is mines best friend."
Mommy: "Hmmm, nice of you Sienna. Who else?"
Sienna: "Devin is mines best friend, too."
Mommy: "And who else, sweetest girl?"
Sienna: "Aiden and Payton and Kuwa and 'Berta and Miss Becky and Gama and Gampa and 'Arwey and Kuwa and Daddy and Devin and Gama and Gampa and...oooooohhh, I wuuuuuuuvvvvv Kuwa..."
Mommy: "You have a lot of friends! What about Mommy?"
Sienna: "You not mines friend...you are the mommy..."

Hummmph.

I questioned her even more about it and sure enough, she wouldn't budge an inch on her stance. I was most definitely, in Sienna's eyes, NOT her friend but only "the mommy".

I'll be honest here...I'm not too sure how I feel about that.

This statement came from the child who screamed non-stop from the time she was born til she was 3 months old and still I loved her. The child who has tested me daily with my ability to stay calm in the face of her 2 1/2 year old nature and still I have loved her. The child who has refused to eat any fruit or vegetable or anything for that matter that isn't a hot dog...and STILL I have loved her. The child who will not go to her father when she is upset, despite the fact that I'm usually the one who made her upset...and still I have loved her.

Yet, I am only "the mommy". So, what exactly does that mean?

I understand my role in this thing called motherhood...to love and care and guide my children through life and that being their "friend" is not necessary. I'm sure there will be times where they will hate me, want to trade me in for a new model or even be embarrassed by me or my dancing abilities. I'm positive that being friends the entire way is probably not realistic and that often you hurt the ones you love the most because you feel the safety within that relationship to do so. Yada yada yada...I get it. But still...it stung a bit. I wanted to at least be up there with the dog, for pete's sake!

Yet today when I was putting her down for her nap (after our usual battle had worn itself out) she took my face in her hands and said, "Mommy, pay attention. You are mines special mommy and I wuv you so very much."

Ahhhhhh...insert swelling of the heart here.

Enough said.

I may not be on the same page as the dog in her book, but she will always be my special girl. I'm confident we will have our moments throughout our time together in this life, but for now I am thankful to be just "the mommy."

Why? Why? Why?

"Mommy, what do sharks eat?"
"Where does the moon go?"
"How do boogers get in my nose and why are they crunchy?"

Ewwwwww...

Yes, questions. Just a few of the 3 million that I answer daily for my 4 year old son. They are endless and they cover every topic imaginable and most of the time I have no idea how to respond to them. Recently there was an article in Newsweek magazine about creativity in children and how it appears to on the decline. It stated that preschool aged children asked on average about 100 questions a day, but that by the time these same kids reached middle school the questioning stopped. Creativity, school performances and overall motivation also plummeted. The connection was that these students didn't do poorly because they lost interest, but in fact they lost interest because they stopped asking questions.

What??

I find this to be very interesting. Of course, I currently live in the realm of questions. "Why???" is a constant in my life with two young children. In fact...everything I say or do is "questioned" on an hourly basis. And let me make this very clear...it drives me insane. But after reading this article it also scares me to think that eventually kids will just stop asking...and then what happens? Sometimes I think that for myself it is tough when I don't have the answers or that I can't definitively say yes or no to what my kids need to know. I would guess that it is easier to just brush off the question instead of openly admitting that I just don't know. I'm the parent for god sakes...I'm SUPPOSED to know.

But that's just it...we don't. And really...that is just fine.

So today I am thankful for the fact that my son is curious and wants to know things. I'm thinking that in the future I might just give the simple response of, "I"m not sure but how about we find out together?" to the plethora of questions posed by him. Because truly I would rather be willing to dig a little deeper than to run the risk of my son checking out and losing interest completely.

Although, I'm not so sure about researching the "crunchy booger" question...I might just leave that for his dad.

Note: The article mentioned above can be found at http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/10/the-creativity-crisis.print.html

A Little Fun...

There is just something special about getting away.

This past weekend was the beginning of a new tradition in our family: the annual Moulton/Himes camping trip. Even though we were not a complete group (one of my brothers and his family were unable to join us) it was a great start and one that will be hard to live up to for sure. It took some discussion, but we finally decided for our first adventure that we'd head to Seward, Alaska for an extended weekend of fishing, eating and of course massive sleep deprivation.

It was amazing.

The best part about the weekend was of course the kids. They were everywhere all at once and into everything and it was just perfect. Marshmallows for dinner? No problem. Boycotting naps? No biggie. Lack of showers and baths? Divine in the eyes of any child. They rallied nonstop from the minute they opened their eyes til the second they collapsed into their sleeping bags and it was almost exhausting just watching them.

Of course it was also exhausting for them as well and the trip was not without a few snags. One of them involved my sweet Sienna and hit at about 8:30 pm on the last night of our stay. Let me set the stage here quite clearly: Sienna had averaged about 7 hours of sleep each night when she normally gets at least 10 and had had minimal naps. Add this to the fact that she had lived on cookies and junk food all weekend and you have all the ingredients for an absolutely spectacular meltdown. Oh yes...it was about to really go down and so I decided that instead of watching her disintegrate before my eyes we would be proactive and get her to bed. Now, this was easier said than done and ended up requiring some bribing, pleading, begging and minor yelling on my part (hey--you can't always remain calm right??) before I finally got her into her pj's and ready to head towards the tent. As we were gathering our stuff she tells me she wants some milk before bed.

Sienna: "Mommy, I need some milk."
Mommy: "Okay, Sienna, you can have a little bit of milk so you can sleep."
Sienna: "Noooo Mommy! I want a wot of milk!! No wittle milk! Big milk!!"
Mommy: "Sienna, you can have a little milk so that you can sleep without having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night or you can have no milk. You choose.
Sienna: "I choose big milk!
*note--this is where my father decided to be helpful and join in as Sienna was growing increasingly agitated and Grandpas can just not allow this to happen to their granddaughters...
Grandpa: "Sienna, how about you have a... half cup of milk?"
Sienna (not knowing anything about capacity, thought that this was a great suggestion): "Yeah! A hav cup! I want a hav cup of milk!"
Grandpa (who now was going to have a little fun with this): "Sienna, well how about a quarter cup of milk?"
Sienna (clapping with glee): "Yes yes! I want a cord cup of milk!"
Grandpa: "Oh Sienna, I know...how about a tablespoon of milk?"
Sienna: "YES YES YES! I want a tabawpoon of milk! A tabawpoon is the best! I wuv you Ba-Pa!!!"

Oh boy.

In the end, but not before at least one more major crying fit, Sienna did get her cup of warm milk and I found my thing to be thankful for: my father. His humor and patience helped to circumvent a potentially difficult situation...for at least 7 minutes. It is interactions just like this that solidify the heartwarming bond that lives between grandfathers and granddaughters. It's also extremely fun for me to watch my dad with my daughter as he melts like butter under the gaze of her chocolate brown eyes. Today though, he got to have a little fun with her and we were able to share a laugh as well. He's a great dad.

Now, we will just have to work a bit on her awareness of capacity. Or maybe not...this could work to my advantage in the future.

And God knows with her...I'll need any help I can get.

The Beast...

Oh my god...my daughter has given me a run for my money this week.

The oppositional-defiance of a two year old is maddening. Right when you think you have it figured out they go and switch on you. I say sit down, she stands up. I say get dressed, she runs off tearing her diaper off. Oh and yes, diapers. We are trying to potty train but my lord that child is determined to control that as well. You would think with potty training that you'd go through LESS diapers but that is not the case here. By last count we went through 15 diapers today. 15!!! The slightest wetness and she tears it off and throws it away...but do you think I could get her to go to potty on the toilet BEFORE going in her diaper? Heavens no. That would mean that she'd have to agree with me and that is just not even an option right now. Everything is a battle and frankly...I'm exhausted.

Today after an extremely challenging morning I turned to a trusted "friend"...the book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey. (www.consciousdiscipline.com) She is truly an amazing source of information and I would highly recommend her wisdom to anyone who is a parent or works with kids in any shape or form. I quickly read the "ages and stages" section in the hope that I would find something...anything that could help as I was running low on patience and my sweet Sienna was not showing any signs of slowing down anytime soon.

I then lay down and took a 2 hour nap which felt heavenly.

Some time later I woke up to quiet breathing on my face.

Sienna: (said in a low whisper) "Mommy, are you in there?"
Mommy: (nothing--I decided to play this one a bit so I laid there with my eyes shut in silence)
Sienna: "Mommy, I wuv you."
Mommy: (nothing...but I allowed a smile to spread on my face)
Sienna: "Mommy, I'm not hurtfuw, I try be helpfuw...I wuv you. Oh, and I go pee pee on the carpet."
*Note: At this point my eyes snapped wide open and I sat straight up in bed.
Mommy: "Sienna, you go potty in the toilet! Where did you pee on the carpet?"
Sienna: (said with a mischievous grin on her face) "I'm just kidding...I no go pee pee on the carpet...I'm a big girl!"
Then she ran off and all I could see was her naked butt as she flew out of the bedroom. I was left thinking, "Hmmm...I know I put her to bed with a diaper on..."

So what exactly is my plan to deal with my beastly daughter?

To keep trying. To keep teaching her exactly how to act in a helpful way. To keep talking to her. To keep saying everything at least 2,000 times in the hopes that she will one day internalize it and use it. And to keep taking a lot of deep breaths so that I can remain calm and in control of my own upset. Because truly it is very difficult to remember to discipline myself first before I can even think of trying to discipline her.

And what do you think I was thankful for today?

Her humor. I know it must be tough on her, as well, to have so much to learn and to constantly have her world morph before her eyes. I do believe that kids are constantly searching out boundaries to exist between and her boundaries seem to change daily as she moves along her developmental continuum. So I am thankful that despite all of this "change" she is still able to come up with something funny inside of it all.

I was also hopeful that she was in fact kidding and that I wouldn't find a surprise on the carpet somewhere...

Squeezing In...

Being able to put yourself into another person's shoes can be a tight fit sometimes.

It is also a very tough, but necessary lesson to teach our kids.

Both of my children still live in the age of "me me me". It is extremely difficult to get them to look beyond their own needs because developmentally that is right where they are. Share a toy? "Whatever" with a capital "W". There is a saying about toddlers that goes: If it is yours it's mine, if it's mine it's mine, and if I see and want it it's MINE! Even though this can seem impossible at times, it doesn't mean that I still don't try to instill in them a sense of empathy for others.

Recently my daughter and I were at the grocery store doing our weekly shopping. With only one kid with me it was much easier to zoom down the aisle and my list without too much trouble. We were just about finished when we heard a waling child from another part of the store. (Usually when children are wailing in a grocery store they happen to be mine.) My daughter looked up at me with big troubled eyes and asked:

Sienna: "Mommy, baby is crying. Why crying?"
Mommy: "I don't know, maybe she is sad."
Sienna: "Stop mommy...STOP! Baby is crying!! STOP!"
Mommy: "Sienna, it's okay...the baby's mommy will help her. Let's finish and go check out."
Sienna: "Nooooo mommy...NOOOO! Baby need blanket! I give mines blanket...and I give mines doggie. Mommy find baby...NOWWWWW!!!"

It took me a minute to realize that my young daughter was trying to help the crying child by offering to give her what she would need for help in the same situation: her beloved blanket and "doggie" (which is really a yellow and green frog) that together happen to be Sienna's "security" system. My daughter was showing empathy.

Now, I don't doubt for one minute that had she even had the chance to actually give the blanket to the girl she would've also instantly snatched it right back and declared, "MINES!!" in about two seconds flat.

But hey...baby steps...I'm all about the baby steps.

I turned to my daughter and told her how kind and helpful that was to offer her blanket to the upset little girl. I then went on to talk about how being helpful makes you feel good inside...but by this time my daughter had moved on and was now demanding chicken strips for dinner.

Yes, baby steps.

So tonight I am thankful that my daughter was aware enough about the needs of others, if only for a very brief moment. This really stuck with me because mostly it shows that I must be doing something right amongst all the trials and tribulations that come with raising young kids.

I'm sure that Sienna will give me a reason to ponder that again tomorrow.

Baby steps...

She Must Be a Saint...

I do believe that my mother is the bravest woman I know.

Why you might ask?

Because she cooks with my children.

I know some of you might be wondering what could possibly be so scary about cooking with two very active under the age of 4 children who love to stick their fingers into everything and steal tastes, licks and bites while pushing every button on any kitchen appliance possible?

Exactly.

It is a disaster waiting to happen and one that usually requires a hazmat team to clean up afterwards.

My mother, however, loves it. When she suggested making homemade soft pretzels with my kids I'll admit it, I cringed at first and was more than a little wary. I don't even know how to make pretzels by myself...how would I survive it with kids? I was skeptical, but willing, and my kids were over the moon excited about cooking with Grammy. She's cooked with both of them from a very young age, strapping them into their high chairs in her kitchen and arming them with wooden spoons and measuring cups while she chopped or sliced nearby. They have always loved to "cook cook cook" with their Grandma.

So, we set up in my kitchen with all of the pretzel ingredients and put the kids on chairs so they could reach the counter top. I took a deep breath and decided to just let go and enjoy the process, and honestly... it was a blast. My kids had their fingers in everything and it didn't matter. My daughter sampled the flour over and over while my son over exuberantly stirred the yeast mixture and all the while my mother didn't even skip a beat. Her gentle patience and quiet explanations instantly had me reminiscing about my own childhood when she would often bake bread with my brothers and I. We kneaded, we rolled...together we created pretzels fit for a king.

We also created a mess, but that is beside the point. All in all, it was an experience that I thoroughly enjoyed because it allowed me to spend quality time with my mother and my children. It was exciting to see the look in my daughter's eye as the dough performed its magic for her and to hear my son's sweet little voice ask for his fifth pretzel smothered in hot butter. So, tonight I am thankful that my mother helped me to see that a little mess can create the most amazing masterpieces.

I'm sure the hazmat team loves hot buttered pretzels as well.

Say Ahhhh...

Sometimes words can have an off flavor...especially when you're having to eat them.

Oh yes, I am one of THOSE mothers who has had to learn the hard way to never say "never". I will be the first to admit that my own opinions and ideas have come back to haunt me quite frequently on this journey called life. It all started back in the early days of my guy and I. We were both very convinced that we were never getting married and we were definitely NEVER having kids.

Hah.

Hah. Hah.

Of course after about seven years of dating the idea of getting married became intriguing to us so there went preconceived notion number 1. Not long after getting married we decided that maybe having kids wasn't such a bad deal either...and there went preconceived notion number 2. We had gone ahead and broken all of our rules, but of course it didn't stop there. Let's see if I can do a recap of how its gone since then:

"I'm never eating junk food while pregnant."
Foot long Subway sandwiches, Cheetos and diet coke became my staple diet throughout both pregnancies along with massive amounts of coffee...
"I'm going to have my baby au natural...no drugs."
I signed up for the epidural after about three hours of labor...
"I'm never using formula."
My son quit nursing on me cold turkey at 8 months and lo and behold he loved formula...
"My kids are never having sugar."
Oh, does this even remotely deserve a response? What the heck was I thinking saying this anyways???
"My kids are never watching t.v."
Again...what????

Bottom line is, I've learned that absolutes and parenting do not really go hand in hand because it's just not a black and white type of science. Instead a life with kids is full of "gray" areas where you have to constantly re-evaluate your stance on certain topics. For instance, every birth is a personal and unique affair where the goal is just to get the kid out. A healthy baby is all that matters, not how you went about it. Breast milk and formula are only types of nourishment and different babies need different types of food. T.V can serve its purpose but in small supervised doses. And I will never be able to tell my kid that they can't have that slice of birthday cake because it is laden with sugar.

Moderation must be the key.

So as I sit and type this with Sponge Bob Square Pants playing in the background I realize that I am thankful for these opportunities to revisit my words of the past. It is fun to look back and see how different my point of view is from the younger and more naive me. I also don't doubt that there will be more instances in the future where I'll get the chance to again taste the flavor of my words.

Bitter and sweet...I will welcome them all.

Washy Washy...

We recently had a momentous occasion in our household...my son learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. A definite milestone in his young life, and one that I missed as I was not home when it happened. Lucky for me, a friend was able to capture the entire event on video for me to be able to share with my son later. It was awesome.

It brought to mind other "milestones" that come with having kids. The first smile, the first roll over, the first word...there are too many to count yet each one stands out distinctly in your memory like it was just yesterday. All have the ability to completely warm you from the inside out.

There are also certain events that stand out for different reasons. These are the ones that make great stories later...

Each day it appears that my daughter changes before my eyes. I swear it seems that she grows overnight and wakes up even more different than the baby I put to bed the night before. Her vocabulary just explodes by the minute as she tries desperately to keep up with her older brother. A friend said it best, "That Sienna--she's going to be a brute..."

Not too long ago, I was in the kitchen making breakfast when I had the chance to overhear Sienna playing in the bathroom with her doll, Baby Ella. I knew that she was probably not up to much good but decided to just let her be as I was busy and she was occupied for the moment.

Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby Ella...you are so 'tinky. Time for a bath!"
*insert splashing sounds
Mommy: "Sienna--be careful with the water...you may not use the tub."
Mommy Sienna: "Okay Mommy! Baby Ella, you take your clothes off. Okay, now washy washy! Scrub your toes! Scrub your '
'gina! Scrub your face! Washy washy...washy WASHY!

Now, at this point I allowed my attention to be diverted because my son needed something, so about 5 minutes went by before I could check on Sienna again. Not so smart when water is involved with a 2 year old...especially water in the bathroom.

Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby, you poops! Time to go on the toilet! No poops on the carpet! You sit down...bad baby...BAD BABY! You go in the bath right now!"

I hurriedly walked into the bathroom just in time to see Sienna giving her Baby Ella a bath...in the toilet.

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Mommy: "Sienna, what are you doing? That is yucky! You cannot give Baby Ella a bath in the toilet...why did you do that?"
Mommy Sienna: (said with a smug grin on her face) "I use the toilet instead of the tub. No use tub. I wisten."

Oops.

It makes perfect sense when you really think of it...no stool required to reach the water. A neat flushing feature...why wouldn't one bathe a doll in a toilet? Plus, she did listen...all I specified was to not use the tub. Never did I say anything about the toilet and here we had our first occasion of Sienna actually following my directions without a battle...ever.

All in all, the situation filled me with hope that perhaps we just might survive this age of the terrible twos. Each day is a new beginning for my sweet Sienna and there are still many milestones that lie ahead of us. Life really flies by so quickly when you have kids and sometimes I am afraid to blink for fear I might miss something they say or do. I am just thankful that I get to bare witness to them all, even if they do involve dolls and toilets.

In the end, Sienna and I cleaned up the mess together and had great fun giving Baby Ella a proper bath complete with bubbles and a thorough washing.

Only this time we made sure we used the sink.

Go On and Take a Hike...

The idea was to take a hike with the kids.

A better way to describe it would be to say, "Let's take a stroll with the kids...", which then turns into, "Let's see how much mom can REALLY carry..."

Oh, yeah, I got some exercise alright.

Yesterday we decided to take the kids up into Hatcher's Pass again to do some "hiking" on a popular trail that is very well maintained. The weather was somewhat cooperative (which means it wasn't raining) and so we loaded up dogs, kids, gear and friend and headed off in search of a little fresh air.

Okay, let's be honest here. Truly my reasons for hiking with kids had nothing to do with my own search for exercise. All I really wanted to do was WEAR MY KIDS OUT. We had missed naps and I knew that at least this would secure an early bedtime. If I had wanted to get some exercise for myself I would've left the kids with a sitter and hit the hills on my own.

Hah. Little did I know what was in store for me.

We reached the trail head (meaning we parked and got out of the car) and loaded up with our gear. I knew we wouldn't be going far but I had still packed along practically everything but the kitchen sink like a good mom would. My son quickly bounded up ahead on the trail with his new Spiderman backpack on (which was empty save for one snack) while my daughter lingered behind taking her sweet time. Yes, I could see how this was going to go for me. Between an overexcited 4 year old, a reluctant terrible 2 year old and a geriatric dog who could barely get out of the car we were going to have our hands full. Luckily I had my 8 months pregnant super fit girlfriend along to keep us going...sadly the mama-to-be was the fastest of us all. Sienna, being the stubborn child that she is, instantly decided that this was NOT her idea so therefore she was not interested.

Sienna: "Mommy, I can't waaaaaaaaaaallllllllkkkkk..."
Mommy: "Come on Sienna, let's go. Follow Devin and Kula up the trail."
Sienna: "I'm broken, I can't walk. I can't do it..."
Mommy: "Sienna, get moving. Look how far ahead Devin is? Come on, let's catch him!"
Sienna: "My wegs won't work...I'm broken...I don't want to hike...I need a snack..."

At this point I bust out whatever food I can find (mind you we are not even 5 minutes into this "hike") and start trailing it behind me like you would with a carrot for a donkey. Devin, hearing that food has been revealed, decides that now is the perfect time to get his snack out, too, and takes off his Spiderman backpack in search of his treat.

I could still see the car behind us. We hadn't even gone anywhere.

We decide that the best plan is to walk AND eat as we go, which seems to work for about 7.5 minutes until the bellies are full and the fact that we are walking again hits my daughter.

Sienna: "I can't walk...I'm tired...I'm broken...
Mommy: "Sienna, get your feet moving...look, you can show Kula where to go...
Sienna: "Moooooommmmmmyyyyy, I'm broken....carry me..."

Ugg.

To make a long story short, I caved. I carried her. And why? Because we were going hiking, dang it! We were going to get some exercise! We were going to enjoy the outdoors if it was the last thing we did! So I huffed, I sweat profusely, and meanwhile Sienna was happy as a clam now that she had her own personal pack mule to take care of her needs.

Whew!

All in all, it was fun. We had some fresh air and I got the chance to enjoy a conversation with my friend while we walked. Devin managed to find every mud puddle on the trail while Sienna enjoyed the view from her perch in my arms. I do believe that we lasted maybe an hour before calling it good and heading home. Although even that took some bribery...ice cream if you made it back to the car.

So, today I am thankful for the fact that I my kids are still young enough to bribe with small things in order to keep them going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning bribery. But hey, sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to get through events with young kids and I'm not afraid to bust out a "hook" or two in order to make it work. Motivation can come in all forms and right now my kids seem to like the kind that is frozen and comes on top of a cone.

It would seem that none of us are really immune to the old "carrot" so to speak. I had my own motivation waiting for me at home in the form of a chilled bottle.

Ahhhh...a rewarding day for sure.

It Just Eats You Up...

Guilt sucks.

We all toss it, take it, and experience it at some point in our lives. With children in your life, it would seem that there is more than enough of it to go around. Guilt about not having enough time, energy, patience, or resources to fulfill our kids' every need, as well as our own.

Yeah, it stinks.

Some days I am immune to the effects of guilt. There are the times where my daughter crying at daycare can just tug at my heartstrings and bring tears to my own eyes, and others where I am more than happy to drop her off and walk out the door. (Horrible, yes, but brutally honest...) Or times, perhaps, when I refuse to allow the feeling to overtake my happiness at enjoying some much needed quiet time on my own.

I have found through my past experiences that I tend to be a people pleaser, always afraid to just say "No thank you..." and instead being roped into doing something perhaps that I didn't really want to do to begin with. Once I had children it became a lot easier to say no because time wouldn't allow the luxury of saying yes. Kids demand your attention and many things fall to the wayside. Another discovery was that I can easily "hole up" and become reluctant to go outside of my own comfort level. Staying home instead of venturing out because I don't want to miss a nap time. Avoiding long drives to town because of gas prices. Missing out on life because of various schedules. All of these instances have very rational arguments to support them, but before you know it life has passed you by leaving you to wonder, "What just happened?"

Yup, I told ya...it hurts.

But mostly I have come to the realization that guilt is just a wasted feeling. Truly, I am in charge of my own "upset" and no one can make me feel anything...good or bad. It is amazing though, how much energy I can spend worrying about it instead of just doing something towards making changes for the better.

So today I am thankful for a family member who gave me the opportunity to reflect on this conundrum. Maybe I won't say "Yes" right away to everything that comes my way, but instead of an instant "No" I can at least say, "Let me think about it...". I can make the much needed effort to step outside of my comfort level and join in on life. I can enjoy the time I have with my loved ones but also feel good about cherishing the moments alone as well. I can give myself permission to let the "guilt" go and stop wasting my valuable resources on such an empty negative feeling.

It really comes down to the fact that we only have one shot at this journey, so why not live a little? You never know what might happen if you do...

I can't wait to find out.

There She Blows...

It's truly amazing how some off topic conversations become normal fodder when you get a group of mommies together.

For instance...bowel movements. Our kids' bowel movements. We can dissect them (figuratively--not literally) in deep conversation and never think a second thought about it. Now where else in this world would a complete conversation revolve around crap???

Yes, I know.

When my daughter was 7 months old we traveled out of state for my brother's wedding. It was a trip that I made without my husband (never again will he get so lucky, I tell you!!!) but with my parents and two young children instead. My son was 2 at the time and very VERY busy and my daughter was just starting to crawl. It was a tough time for us because just the week before my daughter had quit nursing on me cold turkey--a sad ending of an era as she was my baby and last born. Sienna had switched to formula full time and I think the whole transition was harder on me than it was on her.

The flight was somewhat uneventful despite the fact that my son did not sleep at all the entire way and it was my daughter's first plane ride. My parents were amazing help and we managed to make it safe and sound, if not a bit tired from the red-eye flight. Flying is always a bit difficult on everyone but I really thought it had been a successful trip.

On the second day of our trip, I noticed that my daughter was a bit fussy and that she really wasn't all that hungry. I didn't think anything of it at first, but when I noticed that I wasn't changing too many diapers I started to worry. When I counted back, I realized that she hadn't pooped in more than 3 days...even though it seemed she should have.

Now is a good time to fill in a few details: Sienna really didn't transition well to formula. It tended to "plug" her up and we had had to take measures in the past to work through this. Poor girl...it was rough. Usually it involved suppositories which are NOT fun at all. You get the point.

Well, being in another time zone without any comforts from home, I decided that instead I would massage her tummy and "bicycle" her legs to help move things through, especially since she was becoming increasingly agitated. Her belly hurt and for good reason! I sat next to Sienna on the bed with my parents while Devin played nearby on the floor. I had taken her diaper off with the hopes that maybe the fresh air would do the trick. I noticed she was turning bright red (success!) so I gently pushed her legs into her belly to maybe help when all of a sudden it happened...PHOOOOOOT!

I sat motionless as I realized that something had just gone whizzing past my head traveling at light speed. It was a good 30 seconds before I even dared to look and see what it was...

Now of course I KNEW precisely what it was...my daughter had become a live cannon and had shot her turd over my left shoulder and onto the bed behind me.

Yes, exactly.

My folks and I immediately burst out laughing as we started to digest what had actually occurred. We quickly secured the "bomb" and discovered that my daughter must have rapid fired because there were THREE missiles instead of just the one that we found.

My daughter was a Howitzer cannon. Problem solved...belly ache gone.

We laughed and laughed for the longest time as we searched the room for more evidence of her new talent. None turned up and surprise surprise: My daughter was as happy as a clam from that moment on.

This is of course a great story to one day bust out when my daughter is 13 and too cool for me anymore. You see, parents need ammunition too. My mother has loads of embarrassing stories that she can tell about me at the drop of a hat from my childhood. It's all part of life.

I can't wait to share the Howitzer story with Sienna...and how thankful I am that her aim was just a tad off.

Stepping Back...

Okay, I'll admit it. I"m a control freak.

I do believe that I am the cause of 99% of my frustration and it is hard at times when you want things to go a certain way and then they don't. Those of you with children will of course understand that being a control freak and being a parent don't necessarily go hand in hand. At least not without some difficulty.

There are those weeks where everything seems to go awry despite my plans. Due to my teaching schedule, I am the one who spends the majority of the time with our children during the summer months. My husband is also there quite a bit with our kids, but not as much as me as he works a steady schedule all year long. When those "special" days hit, I can be known to greet him at the door when he arrives home from work with a forced grin and the words, "They are yours...BYE!!" I've had it, I've hit my wall...I need that break and luckily he's always more than willing to give me the space to just breathe.

When I return from the much needed reprieve I always come home expecting to hear what a rough time they had. Never. It's always, "We had a great time! They were easy...they went right to bed without any hassle."

What????

I get crying, I get fits, I get tantrums...and he gets, "Good night daddy..." and lights out? Now how fair is that?????

You see, I think my husband has a different approach and tonight I got to see it first hand. I decided to try an experiment where for the evening I would just fly second fiddle and let him be the lead (which was very hard, let me tell you...VERY HARD!) and it was amazing. The kids did fine. They stayed up later than normal, they ran crazy in their underwear outside, they ate a dinner of chips, cheese and crackers...they got to just BE. I was left asking the question, "What the heck have I been doing wrong this whole time?"

The answer? NOTHING.

You see, kids are resilient creatures who learn to adapt to different situations. What works for "daddy" doesn't necessarily work for "mommy"...nor should it. I believe that from a young age kids learn how to "be" with the many different people in their lives. It used to drive me absolutely crazy that my husband could get my kids to behave in ways I couldn't, but now I see it is just different for him with them than it is for me. And to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, tonight I am thankful that we are all different and that my kids have that variance in their lives because it gives us all a much needed break. I do believe that my husband and I need to be on the same "page" for some decisions, but there is plenty of room for both of our personalities and parenting styles.

Still, I'm not ashamed to say that I am a bit secretly relieved when my kids throw a temper tantrum for him as well and that he hits his "wall" at times, too.

It's just kind of nice to know that we all have our moments.

Whew...

Zip. Zilch. Zero.
Today I got nothin'...

I am completely spent of energy--my kids have sucked it all out of me.
Tantrums, whining, crying, tantrums, pleading, TANTRUMS!!

The only thing I can think of to be thankful for is that it's almost over. Luckily my kids have short memories because today is one to wipe off the books.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Roger that...over and out.

Houdini...

Let's talk about sleep...or lack thereof.

I believe that sleep deprivation might possibly be the true root of all evil in this world. I know for myself, when I am tired everything is harder than it needs to be. My kids go right along with this and are absolute terrors when they are short on sleep. So, why is it that they resist it so?

Both of my kids started out as champion sleepers. 12 hour nights...2 hour naps twice a day...it was heaven. Even though there were many many sleepless nights tossed in there the real trouble didn't start until the age of two hit...and then the rebellion began.

With my son, it all began when he discovered how to climb out of his crib during nap time. I'd kiss his sweet head, tuck him in to bed, and shut the door like always. I'd walk away looking forward to my 2 hour recharge time, which I desperately needed each day. That first time he greeted me in the kitchen with a "Hi Mommy!" I was flabbergasted. How did he get out? Didn't I shut the door? What just happened? I quickly walked him back to his room and put him back to bed, shutting the door again behind me. Not 30 seconds later, there he was again standing in my kitchen with a grin on his face, as if to say, "Is that all you got?"

Oh no, I had more...enter the crib tent.

We borrowed one from a friend and I have to admit--the contraption looked almost wrong...as if caging my child was a horrible thing to consider. We set it up and tried it during nap the next day. I'd have to say that it was kind of funny to see him peeking from behind the mesh walls wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into. To make a long story short...he had that crib tent dismantled in about a week. I came into his room one afternoon to find him sitting on the floor playing with toys and what was left of the tent inside of his crib. My son had turned into a Houdini.

We have tried everything in the years since...laying down with our kids on their beds, laying on the floor in their rooms, turning the locks around on their doors, sitting in the hallway outside of their rooms, yelling, bribing, pleading...begging...and truly I've come to realize that NONE of this works. Usually it just results in a huge temper tantrum (from me) and the same question every time from my kids, "Mommy, why are you so cwanky?"

Today of course was another one of the not so good nap time days. I am sitting here still stinging from the frustration of trying to put two kids under 4 to sleep. I finally gave up all of my fight and left their room (slamming the door behind me) with the words, "Stay in there and don't get up!!"

And they did.

So today I am thankful that I walked away and gave them the chance to just deal with it. I can't say that that strategy would've worked on any other given day, but THANKFULLY today it did. I needed the break and I know that despite what they thought, they needed the rest as well. Good thing we have a whole 24 hours to figure out how we will work it tomorrow.

Maybe I'll bust out the duct tape...

And...You're OUT!

Libraries and toddlers...oh boy.

If there is a list of banned books, then somewhere there must exist a list of kids banned from the library. I'm pretty sure my daughter is on it.

Now, don't get me wrong...books are great for kids and I have read to my kids daily from a very early age. My favorite time of the evening happens to be when we are all snuggled up and being whisked off to some magical place via the storybook du jour.

Getting the books from the library is a completely different story. Especially when Sienna is involved.

We make a weekly trip to our local library and usually this means I take both kids by myself. My son loves these outings and at the age of 4 is able to handle the rules: quiet voices, walking feet, gentle fingers. We repeat these simple phrases the entire way there in the car...it is our "mantra"...which apparently only works so far for my son. Sienna obediently says the words with us but I know that her brain is thinking other thoughts. Devilish two and half year old thoughts. All I can say is...poor library...poor mommy...and here we go. A recent visit went something like this:

I made a point to be there at 10:00 am on the dot because this was when the library opened. I also figured that at that time there would be less people to grace with our presence. Our mission was to enter quietly and head straight to the kids' section to quickly select our books and then get out as soon as possible. Of course it would've been great to sit down and snuggle up in a nook to peruse books with my kids, but Sienna, of course, had other ideas.

First of all, telling a two year old to be quiet in a library is like telling her to not breathe. She has only one noise level to operate on: loud. Then there are the aisles that must just scream "RUN RUN RUN" to her and so she does. Add that to the fact that all of those lovely books lined up on the shelves happen to look oh so tempting to touch. Note: my daughter has proven capable of emptying an entire row of books in less than 10 seconds flat. By this time, I was starting to get the "looks" from the librarians which seemed to say, "Woman, why can't you control your child?"

Yeah, I know. Control her...yes, what a brilliant concept.

Hah.

With my arms laden in books I finally made my way to the checkout counter with Devin following right behind me and Sienna...well at least I knew she was still in the library because I could hear her from across the way loudly telling someone her name. I dropped the books on the counter, told Devin to stay put and went to go retrieve my daughter before she could dismantle anything else. She of course did NOT like this plan and decided that instead it would be the perfect time to throw one of her tantrums...she hadn't had one in for at least 45 minutes, so what better place to toss one in? I carefully carried her thrashing body to the front to try to complete the transaction only to find out from the kind librarian checking us out that we had a late fee of $1.50 (of course we did!) She took one look at the flailing child in my arms and quietly said, "I'll just let it slide this one time..." while she hastily handed us our books.

Whew.

After strapping both kids into their seats I then settled myself into my own spot and tried to calm my brain. I was embarrassed, I was frustrated, I was NEVER GOING BACK. Sienna and libraries just didn't mix. And that's when I heard it, her sweet little voice saying in a very normal way: "That was fun! Can we go again Mommy? I wike the wibrary!"

Good grief.

So today I really wasn't sure what to be thankful for...but then it hit me. I am thankful for my daughter's short memory...because I want her to view the library as a fun place and to want to go back. I just know that developmentally she is not quite ready unless it is a one on one experience where I can provide more adequate supervision. She needs that guidance to be able to learn how to exist in a library.

Until then, she has been 86'd...and hopefully the librarians have a short memory as well.

Fair Play...

Fair is not always equal.

It's a statement that has been proven time and time again in my life...but also one I firmly believe in. We don't always have the same needs as each other so it would make sense that we would require different things to get those "needs" met. It's definitely a hard concept to explain to children as it appears they believe that no matter what--everyone should always be the same. My daughter had a very hard time when my son had his birthday--she just didn't understand WHY there weren't any presents for her to open. We tried to explain the situation but it didn't do any good...she wasn't hearing any of it. As far as she was concerned she was getting the shaft and we were to blame. End of story.

Lately we have noticed that our daughter has tried very hard to keep up with her older brother. From trying to ride her "big girl" bike to repeating statements she hears him say...she is his perfect little shadow. Always watching...always absorbing...always idolizing her Devin. She refuses to sleep unless he is in the room with her and she has never known a life without him. They really are two peas in a pod.

Tonight I got to experience yet another fascination that Sienna has with Devin. His ability to pee standing up.

Yes, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

I don't have to go into many details other than to say that A. she was ultimately unsuccessful and B. I had a huge mess to clean up when she was through. She has been obsessed with this skill that boys have (and girls just don't) and had been talking it about it for weeks now...not willing to accept that she just couldn't make it happen. A common conversation might have gone something like this:

Sienna: (while sitting on the toilet) "Boys stand up..."
Mommy: "Yes, you're right...boys do stand up. Girls sit down...ALWAYS."
Sienna: "Why?"
Mommy: "Because they just do."
Sienna: "I want to stand up. I have a penis. I am a boy. I can stand up too."
Mommy: "Sienna, you are a girl and no you cannot stand up. Girls sit down."
Sienna: "I want a penis! I'm a boy! I don't wike you! I want to STAND UP!!!!!"

It was a tough argument for sure. And one that I was obviously not very convincing at.

No, fair is not always equal and we don't all end up at the same place. It is usually a messy journey but in the end...hopefully...we all get what we need.

Tonight I am thankful for my daughter's perseverance. Despite the fact that I kept telling her NO about something she wanted to do she decided to take a chance and try it anyways. As a parent, I am secretly excited by this...it demonstrates to me that she might hit roadblocks in her life but that she also has the will to keep trying to find a way around them.

Now, if only her "experiments" didn't have to happen in my bathroom...

Slipping Away...

It is hardest to remember to make time for ourselves.

Usually my only alone time during the day is when I am in the bathroom...and lately not even then as my daughter will bang relentlessly on the door until I let her in.

Any parent can probably agree that with children your time is limited because from the very beginning our kids demand everything from us. Whether they are younger or on the older side, there are always many activities pulling us in various directions. We go from around the clock feedings and diaper changes to soccer practices and then eventually to glorified chauffeur. Yes, it can be taxing to say the least.

I noticed that as the needs of my kids grew my own needs seemed to fall to the side. As much as I'd like to, I have never been one to lead a "balanced" life...I tend to go all or nothing with everything I do. This can be beneficial in some cases but also detrimental in others. When my son was born I found it extremely difficult to balance the challenges of motherhood with work and my own personal interests. Exercise fell to the side, dates with my husband were few and far between, and girl time with friends was completely obsolete. It was definitely an adjustment, and one I did not always make very well because even though I was gaining a new member into my life I felt like I was slowly losing me.

It happens...and it is scary.

I knew I had to make some changes so slowly I started adding the missing pieces back into my life. I dusted off my yoga mat and workout shoes and decided that losing that hour of sleep was worth it for the sanity I gained from the exercise. My husband and I put date night on the calendar and banned "kid" talk from the entire evening...and remembered why we liked each other to begin with. Girl time was slipped in here and there and was absolutely wonderful.

I was back.

It's ironic, but I found that when I sacrificed some of the limited time for ME I was a better parent, wife and friend. Now when I am about to go out for an evening my son is notorious for questioning me endlessly on WHY he can't join me. I kindly tell him that mommy needs time for herself and he looks at me with his huge brown eyes and asks, "But why Mommy???"

My response to that is always, "Because Mommy loves you..."

I know myself well enough to understand that I need to have something that is solely mine in order to be whole. As much as I adore my children I also enjoy working...I like to have some adult time with friends...and I know that I cannot be a "present" parent if these things are missing.

So today I am thankful for all the stolen moments where I get to be me. My hope is that I am modeling a healthy habit for my kids by showing them that it is not only okay to take time for yourself, but that it is necessary practice in life.

Even if it means locking the door and ignoring all the raging protests from the other side...

It's Your Choice...

I recently read an interesting article on line (Parenting.com) about whether or not being a parent makes you happier. The article was originally from New Yorker Magazine and talked about how most people with children are in fact NOT happier than their childless friends are. I found this to be very interesting and it has stuck with me for the last few days.

I would have to say that parenting is the hardest task I have ever taken on. The physical demands (lack of sleep!!) as well as the emotional demands far outweigh anything I've dealt with so far in my life. The fact that I am constantly responsible for the health and well being of two little extra "someones" besides myself is a huge undertaking and one I don't take lightly. It is constant...it is 24 hours a day...it is EXHAUSTING. And I am a person who is happily married with a steady job and a fabulous support system of extended family nearby. I cannot even begin to fathom what a single parent goes through or what the stress level of their parenting job is.

So does this mean I am less happy now that I have kids?

Well, that is of course a tough question. Ask me this, perhaps, on a day when my 2 1/2 year old is throwing one of her spectacular temper tantrums in the middle of the grocery store and I might pause a moment before really answering...

I have always personally felt that happiness is a state of mind that we can make or break depending on our perspective. Am I happier now that I am never ever alone? Am I happier now that I have endless responsibilities? Am I happier now that I have worries and sleepless nights spent wondering whether or not I am raising my children the best way that I can?

Not too long ago, my son celebrated his fourth birthday and we filled his day with fun activities from start to finish. The zoo, soccer practice, a favorite restaurant for dinner, and of course...presents. I could tell that he loved every minute of it and at the end of HIS day he gave me the biggest hug and whispered, "Mommy, this was my BEST birthday ever..." His words were sweet and filled me up inside. I felt "happy" and for good reason..the day was extraordinary, moods were light and things were good.

There are also the recent days where nothing seems to go right. Kids are whiny, cranky, sick, whiny, needy, clingy, WHINY...and all you can think of is, "What the heck was I THINKING when I signed up for this thing called parenting anyways???" Those are the days where by the end of the day you have more than earned your MOM badge and perhaps question your happiness with life as you know it. These are also the same days where the "happiness" might come in small moments or glimmers that you have to quickly grab onto and catch when you can. The hug after the temper tantrum, the unexpected snuggle before bedtime, the "I love you Mommy" when you least expect it.

So, going back to my original question...am I happier now that I have children? The answer is yes... but in a different way than before as my definition of "happy" has changed over the years. "Happiness is a sleeping child..." is a statement I wholeheartedly agree with now but probably wouldn't have ever thought of before kids. I won't say that there aren't moments or days where it is very hard to find it, but yes I am happy and thankful for all the challenges that children bring with them.

Then again, I believe happiness is something you also have to find within yourself and not depend on from other people. My children can't make me happy, my husband can't make me happy, my dog can't even make me happy. I have to actively choose to BE happy.

Temper tantrums and all.

**Note: The original article I mentioned above can be found at http://www.parenting.com/new/blogs/show-and-tell/alina-parentingcom/does-having-kids-make-you-less-happy