The Beast...

Oh my god...my daughter has given me a run for my money this week.

The oppositional-defiance of a two year old is maddening. Right when you think you have it figured out they go and switch on you. I say sit down, she stands up. I say get dressed, she runs off tearing her diaper off. Oh and yes, diapers. We are trying to potty train but my lord that child is determined to control that as well. You would think with potty training that you'd go through LESS diapers but that is not the case here. By last count we went through 15 diapers today. 15!!! The slightest wetness and she tears it off and throws it away...but do you think I could get her to go to potty on the toilet BEFORE going in her diaper? Heavens no. That would mean that she'd have to agree with me and that is just not even an option right now. Everything is a battle and frankly...I'm exhausted.

Today after an extremely challenging morning I turned to a trusted "friend"...the book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey. (www.consciousdiscipline.com) She is truly an amazing source of information and I would highly recommend her wisdom to anyone who is a parent or works with kids in any shape or form. I quickly read the "ages and stages" section in the hope that I would find something...anything that could help as I was running low on patience and my sweet Sienna was not showing any signs of slowing down anytime soon.

I then lay down and took a 2 hour nap which felt heavenly.

Some time later I woke up to quiet breathing on my face.

Sienna: (said in a low whisper) "Mommy, are you in there?"
Mommy: (nothing--I decided to play this one a bit so I laid there with my eyes shut in silence)
Sienna: "Mommy, I wuv you."
Mommy: (nothing...but I allowed a smile to spread on my face)
Sienna: "Mommy, I'm not hurtfuw, I try be helpfuw...I wuv you. Oh, and I go pee pee on the carpet."
*Note: At this point my eyes snapped wide open and I sat straight up in bed.
Mommy: "Sienna, you go potty in the toilet! Where did you pee on the carpet?"
Sienna: (said with a mischievous grin on her face) "I'm just kidding...I no go pee pee on the carpet...I'm a big girl!"
Then she ran off and all I could see was her naked butt as she flew out of the bedroom. I was left thinking, "Hmmm...I know I put her to bed with a diaper on..."

So what exactly is my plan to deal with my beastly daughter?

To keep trying. To keep teaching her exactly how to act in a helpful way. To keep talking to her. To keep saying everything at least 2,000 times in the hopes that she will one day internalize it and use it. And to keep taking a lot of deep breaths so that I can remain calm and in control of my own upset. Because truly it is very difficult to remember to discipline myself first before I can even think of trying to discipline her.

And what do you think I was thankful for today?

Her humor. I know it must be tough on her, as well, to have so much to learn and to constantly have her world morph before her eyes. I do believe that kids are constantly searching out boundaries to exist between and her boundaries seem to change daily as she moves along her developmental continuum. So I am thankful that despite all of this "change" she is still able to come up with something funny inside of it all.

I was also hopeful that she was in fact kidding and that I wouldn't find a surprise on the carpet somewhere...

Squeezing In...

Being able to put yourself into another person's shoes can be a tight fit sometimes.

It is also a very tough, but necessary lesson to teach our kids.

Both of my children still live in the age of "me me me". It is extremely difficult to get them to look beyond their own needs because developmentally that is right where they are. Share a toy? "Whatever" with a capital "W". There is a saying about toddlers that goes: If it is yours it's mine, if it's mine it's mine, and if I see and want it it's MINE! Even though this can seem impossible at times, it doesn't mean that I still don't try to instill in them a sense of empathy for others.

Recently my daughter and I were at the grocery store doing our weekly shopping. With only one kid with me it was much easier to zoom down the aisle and my list without too much trouble. We were just about finished when we heard a waling child from another part of the store. (Usually when children are wailing in a grocery store they happen to be mine.) My daughter looked up at me with big troubled eyes and asked:

Sienna: "Mommy, baby is crying. Why crying?"
Mommy: "I don't know, maybe she is sad."
Sienna: "Stop mommy...STOP! Baby is crying!! STOP!"
Mommy: "Sienna, it's okay...the baby's mommy will help her. Let's finish and go check out."
Sienna: "Nooooo mommy...NOOOO! Baby need blanket! I give mines blanket...and I give mines doggie. Mommy find baby...NOWWWWW!!!"

It took me a minute to realize that my young daughter was trying to help the crying child by offering to give her what she would need for help in the same situation: her beloved blanket and "doggie" (which is really a yellow and green frog) that together happen to be Sienna's "security" system. My daughter was showing empathy.

Now, I don't doubt for one minute that had she even had the chance to actually give the blanket to the girl she would've also instantly snatched it right back and declared, "MINES!!" in about two seconds flat.

But hey...baby steps...I'm all about the baby steps.

I turned to my daughter and told her how kind and helpful that was to offer her blanket to the upset little girl. I then went on to talk about how being helpful makes you feel good inside...but by this time my daughter had moved on and was now demanding chicken strips for dinner.

Yes, baby steps.

So tonight I am thankful that my daughter was aware enough about the needs of others, if only for a very brief moment. This really stuck with me because mostly it shows that I must be doing something right amongst all the trials and tribulations that come with raising young kids.

I'm sure that Sienna will give me a reason to ponder that again tomorrow.

Baby steps...

She Must Be a Saint...

I do believe that my mother is the bravest woman I know.

Why you might ask?

Because she cooks with my children.

I know some of you might be wondering what could possibly be so scary about cooking with two very active under the age of 4 children who love to stick their fingers into everything and steal tastes, licks and bites while pushing every button on any kitchen appliance possible?

Exactly.

It is a disaster waiting to happen and one that usually requires a hazmat team to clean up afterwards.

My mother, however, loves it. When she suggested making homemade soft pretzels with my kids I'll admit it, I cringed at first and was more than a little wary. I don't even know how to make pretzels by myself...how would I survive it with kids? I was skeptical, but willing, and my kids were over the moon excited about cooking with Grammy. She's cooked with both of them from a very young age, strapping them into their high chairs in her kitchen and arming them with wooden spoons and measuring cups while she chopped or sliced nearby. They have always loved to "cook cook cook" with their Grandma.

So, we set up in my kitchen with all of the pretzel ingredients and put the kids on chairs so they could reach the counter top. I took a deep breath and decided to just let go and enjoy the process, and honestly... it was a blast. My kids had their fingers in everything and it didn't matter. My daughter sampled the flour over and over while my son over exuberantly stirred the yeast mixture and all the while my mother didn't even skip a beat. Her gentle patience and quiet explanations instantly had me reminiscing about my own childhood when she would often bake bread with my brothers and I. We kneaded, we rolled...together we created pretzels fit for a king.

We also created a mess, but that is beside the point. All in all, it was an experience that I thoroughly enjoyed because it allowed me to spend quality time with my mother and my children. It was exciting to see the look in my daughter's eye as the dough performed its magic for her and to hear my son's sweet little voice ask for his fifth pretzel smothered in hot butter. So, tonight I am thankful that my mother helped me to see that a little mess can create the most amazing masterpieces.

I'm sure the hazmat team loves hot buttered pretzels as well.

Say Ahhhh...

Sometimes words can have an off flavor...especially when you're having to eat them.

Oh yes, I am one of THOSE mothers who has had to learn the hard way to never say "never". I will be the first to admit that my own opinions and ideas have come back to haunt me quite frequently on this journey called life. It all started back in the early days of my guy and I. We were both very convinced that we were never getting married and we were definitely NEVER having kids.

Hah.

Hah. Hah.

Of course after about seven years of dating the idea of getting married became intriguing to us so there went preconceived notion number 1. Not long after getting married we decided that maybe having kids wasn't such a bad deal either...and there went preconceived notion number 2. We had gone ahead and broken all of our rules, but of course it didn't stop there. Let's see if I can do a recap of how its gone since then:

"I'm never eating junk food while pregnant."
Foot long Subway sandwiches, Cheetos and diet coke became my staple diet throughout both pregnancies along with massive amounts of coffee...
"I'm going to have my baby au natural...no drugs."
I signed up for the epidural after about three hours of labor...
"I'm never using formula."
My son quit nursing on me cold turkey at 8 months and lo and behold he loved formula...
"My kids are never having sugar."
Oh, does this even remotely deserve a response? What the heck was I thinking saying this anyways???
"My kids are never watching t.v."
Again...what????

Bottom line is, I've learned that absolutes and parenting do not really go hand in hand because it's just not a black and white type of science. Instead a life with kids is full of "gray" areas where you have to constantly re-evaluate your stance on certain topics. For instance, every birth is a personal and unique affair where the goal is just to get the kid out. A healthy baby is all that matters, not how you went about it. Breast milk and formula are only types of nourishment and different babies need different types of food. T.V can serve its purpose but in small supervised doses. And I will never be able to tell my kid that they can't have that slice of birthday cake because it is laden with sugar.

Moderation must be the key.

So as I sit and type this with Sponge Bob Square Pants playing in the background I realize that I am thankful for these opportunities to revisit my words of the past. It is fun to look back and see how different my point of view is from the younger and more naive me. I also don't doubt that there will be more instances in the future where I'll get the chance to again taste the flavor of my words.

Bitter and sweet...I will welcome them all.

Washy Washy...

We recently had a momentous occasion in our household...my son learned how to ride his bike without training wheels. A definite milestone in his young life, and one that I missed as I was not home when it happened. Lucky for me, a friend was able to capture the entire event on video for me to be able to share with my son later. It was awesome.

It brought to mind other "milestones" that come with having kids. The first smile, the first roll over, the first word...there are too many to count yet each one stands out distinctly in your memory like it was just yesterday. All have the ability to completely warm you from the inside out.

There are also certain events that stand out for different reasons. These are the ones that make great stories later...

Each day it appears that my daughter changes before my eyes. I swear it seems that she grows overnight and wakes up even more different than the baby I put to bed the night before. Her vocabulary just explodes by the minute as she tries desperately to keep up with her older brother. A friend said it best, "That Sienna--she's going to be a brute..."

Not too long ago, I was in the kitchen making breakfast when I had the chance to overhear Sienna playing in the bathroom with her doll, Baby Ella. I knew that she was probably not up to much good but decided to just let her be as I was busy and she was occupied for the moment.

Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby Ella...you are so 'tinky. Time for a bath!"
*insert splashing sounds
Mommy: "Sienna--be careful with the water...you may not use the tub."
Mommy Sienna: "Okay Mommy! Baby Ella, you take your clothes off. Okay, now washy washy! Scrub your toes! Scrub your '
'gina! Scrub your face! Washy washy...washy WASHY!

Now, at this point I allowed my attention to be diverted because my son needed something, so about 5 minutes went by before I could check on Sienna again. Not so smart when water is involved with a 2 year old...especially water in the bathroom.

Mommy Sienna: "Oh Baby, you poops! Time to go on the toilet! No poops on the carpet! You sit down...bad baby...BAD BABY! You go in the bath right now!"

I hurriedly walked into the bathroom just in time to see Sienna giving her Baby Ella a bath...in the toilet.

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Mommy: "Sienna, what are you doing? That is yucky! You cannot give Baby Ella a bath in the toilet...why did you do that?"
Mommy Sienna: (said with a smug grin on her face) "I use the toilet instead of the tub. No use tub. I wisten."

Oops.

It makes perfect sense when you really think of it...no stool required to reach the water. A neat flushing feature...why wouldn't one bathe a doll in a toilet? Plus, she did listen...all I specified was to not use the tub. Never did I say anything about the toilet and here we had our first occasion of Sienna actually following my directions without a battle...ever.

All in all, the situation filled me with hope that perhaps we just might survive this age of the terrible twos. Each day is a new beginning for my sweet Sienna and there are still many milestones that lie ahead of us. Life really flies by so quickly when you have kids and sometimes I am afraid to blink for fear I might miss something they say or do. I am just thankful that I get to bare witness to them all, even if they do involve dolls and toilets.

In the end, Sienna and I cleaned up the mess together and had great fun giving Baby Ella a proper bath complete with bubbles and a thorough washing.

Only this time we made sure we used the sink.

Go On and Take a Hike...

The idea was to take a hike with the kids.

A better way to describe it would be to say, "Let's take a stroll with the kids...", which then turns into, "Let's see how much mom can REALLY carry..."

Oh, yeah, I got some exercise alright.

Yesterday we decided to take the kids up into Hatcher's Pass again to do some "hiking" on a popular trail that is very well maintained. The weather was somewhat cooperative (which means it wasn't raining) and so we loaded up dogs, kids, gear and friend and headed off in search of a little fresh air.

Okay, let's be honest here. Truly my reasons for hiking with kids had nothing to do with my own search for exercise. All I really wanted to do was WEAR MY KIDS OUT. We had missed naps and I knew that at least this would secure an early bedtime. If I had wanted to get some exercise for myself I would've left the kids with a sitter and hit the hills on my own.

Hah. Little did I know what was in store for me.

We reached the trail head (meaning we parked and got out of the car) and loaded up with our gear. I knew we wouldn't be going far but I had still packed along practically everything but the kitchen sink like a good mom would. My son quickly bounded up ahead on the trail with his new Spiderman backpack on (which was empty save for one snack) while my daughter lingered behind taking her sweet time. Yes, I could see how this was going to go for me. Between an overexcited 4 year old, a reluctant terrible 2 year old and a geriatric dog who could barely get out of the car we were going to have our hands full. Luckily I had my 8 months pregnant super fit girlfriend along to keep us going...sadly the mama-to-be was the fastest of us all. Sienna, being the stubborn child that she is, instantly decided that this was NOT her idea so therefore she was not interested.

Sienna: "Mommy, I can't waaaaaaaaaaallllllllkkkkk..."
Mommy: "Come on Sienna, let's go. Follow Devin and Kula up the trail."
Sienna: "I'm broken, I can't walk. I can't do it..."
Mommy: "Sienna, get moving. Look how far ahead Devin is? Come on, let's catch him!"
Sienna: "My wegs won't work...I'm broken...I don't want to hike...I need a snack..."

At this point I bust out whatever food I can find (mind you we are not even 5 minutes into this "hike") and start trailing it behind me like you would with a carrot for a donkey. Devin, hearing that food has been revealed, decides that now is the perfect time to get his snack out, too, and takes off his Spiderman backpack in search of his treat.

I could still see the car behind us. We hadn't even gone anywhere.

We decide that the best plan is to walk AND eat as we go, which seems to work for about 7.5 minutes until the bellies are full and the fact that we are walking again hits my daughter.

Sienna: "I can't walk...I'm tired...I'm broken...
Mommy: "Sienna, get your feet moving...look, you can show Kula where to go...
Sienna: "Moooooommmmmmyyyyy, I'm broken....carry me..."

Ugg.

To make a long story short, I caved. I carried her. And why? Because we were going hiking, dang it! We were going to get some exercise! We were going to enjoy the outdoors if it was the last thing we did! So I huffed, I sweat profusely, and meanwhile Sienna was happy as a clam now that she had her own personal pack mule to take care of her needs.

Whew!

All in all, it was fun. We had some fresh air and I got the chance to enjoy a conversation with my friend while we walked. Devin managed to find every mud puddle on the trail while Sienna enjoyed the view from her perch in my arms. I do believe that we lasted maybe an hour before calling it good and heading home. Although even that took some bribery...ice cream if you made it back to the car.

So, today I am thankful for the fact that I my kids are still young enough to bribe with small things in order to keep them going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning bribery. But hey, sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to get through events with young kids and I'm not afraid to bust out a "hook" or two in order to make it work. Motivation can come in all forms and right now my kids seem to like the kind that is frozen and comes on top of a cone.

It would seem that none of us are really immune to the old "carrot" so to speak. I had my own motivation waiting for me at home in the form of a chilled bottle.

Ahhhh...a rewarding day for sure.

It Just Eats You Up...

Guilt sucks.

We all toss it, take it, and experience it at some point in our lives. With children in your life, it would seem that there is more than enough of it to go around. Guilt about not having enough time, energy, patience, or resources to fulfill our kids' every need, as well as our own.

Yeah, it stinks.

Some days I am immune to the effects of guilt. There are the times where my daughter crying at daycare can just tug at my heartstrings and bring tears to my own eyes, and others where I am more than happy to drop her off and walk out the door. (Horrible, yes, but brutally honest...) Or times, perhaps, when I refuse to allow the feeling to overtake my happiness at enjoying some much needed quiet time on my own.

I have found through my past experiences that I tend to be a people pleaser, always afraid to just say "No thank you..." and instead being roped into doing something perhaps that I didn't really want to do to begin with. Once I had children it became a lot easier to say no because time wouldn't allow the luxury of saying yes. Kids demand your attention and many things fall to the wayside. Another discovery was that I can easily "hole up" and become reluctant to go outside of my own comfort level. Staying home instead of venturing out because I don't want to miss a nap time. Avoiding long drives to town because of gas prices. Missing out on life because of various schedules. All of these instances have very rational arguments to support them, but before you know it life has passed you by leaving you to wonder, "What just happened?"

Yup, I told ya...it hurts.

But mostly I have come to the realization that guilt is just a wasted feeling. Truly, I am in charge of my own "upset" and no one can make me feel anything...good or bad. It is amazing though, how much energy I can spend worrying about it instead of just doing something towards making changes for the better.

So today I am thankful for a family member who gave me the opportunity to reflect on this conundrum. Maybe I won't say "Yes" right away to everything that comes my way, but instead of an instant "No" I can at least say, "Let me think about it...". I can make the much needed effort to step outside of my comfort level and join in on life. I can enjoy the time I have with my loved ones but also feel good about cherishing the moments alone as well. I can give myself permission to let the "guilt" go and stop wasting my valuable resources on such an empty negative feeling.

It really comes down to the fact that we only have one shot at this journey, so why not live a little? You never know what might happen if you do...

I can't wait to find out.

There She Blows...

It's truly amazing how some off topic conversations become normal fodder when you get a group of mommies together.

For instance...bowel movements. Our kids' bowel movements. We can dissect them (figuratively--not literally) in deep conversation and never think a second thought about it. Now where else in this world would a complete conversation revolve around crap???

Yes, I know.

When my daughter was 7 months old we traveled out of state for my brother's wedding. It was a trip that I made without my husband (never again will he get so lucky, I tell you!!!) but with my parents and two young children instead. My son was 2 at the time and very VERY busy and my daughter was just starting to crawl. It was a tough time for us because just the week before my daughter had quit nursing on me cold turkey--a sad ending of an era as she was my baby and last born. Sienna had switched to formula full time and I think the whole transition was harder on me than it was on her.

The flight was somewhat uneventful despite the fact that my son did not sleep at all the entire way and it was my daughter's first plane ride. My parents were amazing help and we managed to make it safe and sound, if not a bit tired from the red-eye flight. Flying is always a bit difficult on everyone but I really thought it had been a successful trip.

On the second day of our trip, I noticed that my daughter was a bit fussy and that she really wasn't all that hungry. I didn't think anything of it at first, but when I noticed that I wasn't changing too many diapers I started to worry. When I counted back, I realized that she hadn't pooped in more than 3 days...even though it seemed she should have.

Now is a good time to fill in a few details: Sienna really didn't transition well to formula. It tended to "plug" her up and we had had to take measures in the past to work through this. Poor girl...it was rough. Usually it involved suppositories which are NOT fun at all. You get the point.

Well, being in another time zone without any comforts from home, I decided that instead I would massage her tummy and "bicycle" her legs to help move things through, especially since she was becoming increasingly agitated. Her belly hurt and for good reason! I sat next to Sienna on the bed with my parents while Devin played nearby on the floor. I had taken her diaper off with the hopes that maybe the fresh air would do the trick. I noticed she was turning bright red (success!) so I gently pushed her legs into her belly to maybe help when all of a sudden it happened...PHOOOOOOT!

I sat motionless as I realized that something had just gone whizzing past my head traveling at light speed. It was a good 30 seconds before I even dared to look and see what it was...

Now of course I KNEW precisely what it was...my daughter had become a live cannon and had shot her turd over my left shoulder and onto the bed behind me.

Yes, exactly.

My folks and I immediately burst out laughing as we started to digest what had actually occurred. We quickly secured the "bomb" and discovered that my daughter must have rapid fired because there were THREE missiles instead of just the one that we found.

My daughter was a Howitzer cannon. Problem solved...belly ache gone.

We laughed and laughed for the longest time as we searched the room for more evidence of her new talent. None turned up and surprise surprise: My daughter was as happy as a clam from that moment on.

This is of course a great story to one day bust out when my daughter is 13 and too cool for me anymore. You see, parents need ammunition too. My mother has loads of embarrassing stories that she can tell about me at the drop of a hat from my childhood. It's all part of life.

I can't wait to share the Howitzer story with Sienna...and how thankful I am that her aim was just a tad off.

Stepping Back...

Okay, I'll admit it. I"m a control freak.

I do believe that I am the cause of 99% of my frustration and it is hard at times when you want things to go a certain way and then they don't. Those of you with children will of course understand that being a control freak and being a parent don't necessarily go hand in hand. At least not without some difficulty.

There are those weeks where everything seems to go awry despite my plans. Due to my teaching schedule, I am the one who spends the majority of the time with our children during the summer months. My husband is also there quite a bit with our kids, but not as much as me as he works a steady schedule all year long. When those "special" days hit, I can be known to greet him at the door when he arrives home from work with a forced grin and the words, "They are yours...BYE!!" I've had it, I've hit my wall...I need that break and luckily he's always more than willing to give me the space to just breathe.

When I return from the much needed reprieve I always come home expecting to hear what a rough time they had. Never. It's always, "We had a great time! They were easy...they went right to bed without any hassle."

What????

I get crying, I get fits, I get tantrums...and he gets, "Good night daddy..." and lights out? Now how fair is that?????

You see, I think my husband has a different approach and tonight I got to see it first hand. I decided to try an experiment where for the evening I would just fly second fiddle and let him be the lead (which was very hard, let me tell you...VERY HARD!) and it was amazing. The kids did fine. They stayed up later than normal, they ran crazy in their underwear outside, they ate a dinner of chips, cheese and crackers...they got to just BE. I was left asking the question, "What the heck have I been doing wrong this whole time?"

The answer? NOTHING.

You see, kids are resilient creatures who learn to adapt to different situations. What works for "daddy" doesn't necessarily work for "mommy"...nor should it. I believe that from a young age kids learn how to "be" with the many different people in their lives. It used to drive me absolutely crazy that my husband could get my kids to behave in ways I couldn't, but now I see it is just different for him with them than it is for me. And to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, tonight I am thankful that we are all different and that my kids have that variance in their lives because it gives us all a much needed break. I do believe that my husband and I need to be on the same "page" for some decisions, but there is plenty of room for both of our personalities and parenting styles.

Still, I'm not ashamed to say that I am a bit secretly relieved when my kids throw a temper tantrum for him as well and that he hits his "wall" at times, too.

It's just kind of nice to know that we all have our moments.

Whew...

Zip. Zilch. Zero.
Today I got nothin'...

I am completely spent of energy--my kids have sucked it all out of me.
Tantrums, whining, crying, tantrums, pleading, TANTRUMS!!

The only thing I can think of to be thankful for is that it's almost over. Luckily my kids have short memories because today is one to wipe off the books.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Roger that...over and out.

Houdini...

Let's talk about sleep...or lack thereof.

I believe that sleep deprivation might possibly be the true root of all evil in this world. I know for myself, when I am tired everything is harder than it needs to be. My kids go right along with this and are absolute terrors when they are short on sleep. So, why is it that they resist it so?

Both of my kids started out as champion sleepers. 12 hour nights...2 hour naps twice a day...it was heaven. Even though there were many many sleepless nights tossed in there the real trouble didn't start until the age of two hit...and then the rebellion began.

With my son, it all began when he discovered how to climb out of his crib during nap time. I'd kiss his sweet head, tuck him in to bed, and shut the door like always. I'd walk away looking forward to my 2 hour recharge time, which I desperately needed each day. That first time he greeted me in the kitchen with a "Hi Mommy!" I was flabbergasted. How did he get out? Didn't I shut the door? What just happened? I quickly walked him back to his room and put him back to bed, shutting the door again behind me. Not 30 seconds later, there he was again standing in my kitchen with a grin on his face, as if to say, "Is that all you got?"

Oh no, I had more...enter the crib tent.

We borrowed one from a friend and I have to admit--the contraption looked almost wrong...as if caging my child was a horrible thing to consider. We set it up and tried it during nap the next day. I'd have to say that it was kind of funny to see him peeking from behind the mesh walls wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into. To make a long story short...he had that crib tent dismantled in about a week. I came into his room one afternoon to find him sitting on the floor playing with toys and what was left of the tent inside of his crib. My son had turned into a Houdini.

We have tried everything in the years since...laying down with our kids on their beds, laying on the floor in their rooms, turning the locks around on their doors, sitting in the hallway outside of their rooms, yelling, bribing, pleading...begging...and truly I've come to realize that NONE of this works. Usually it just results in a huge temper tantrum (from me) and the same question every time from my kids, "Mommy, why are you so cwanky?"

Today of course was another one of the not so good nap time days. I am sitting here still stinging from the frustration of trying to put two kids under 4 to sleep. I finally gave up all of my fight and left their room (slamming the door behind me) with the words, "Stay in there and don't get up!!"

And they did.

So today I am thankful that I walked away and gave them the chance to just deal with it. I can't say that that strategy would've worked on any other given day, but THANKFULLY today it did. I needed the break and I know that despite what they thought, they needed the rest as well. Good thing we have a whole 24 hours to figure out how we will work it tomorrow.

Maybe I'll bust out the duct tape...

And...You're OUT!

Libraries and toddlers...oh boy.

If there is a list of banned books, then somewhere there must exist a list of kids banned from the library. I'm pretty sure my daughter is on it.

Now, don't get me wrong...books are great for kids and I have read to my kids daily from a very early age. My favorite time of the evening happens to be when we are all snuggled up and being whisked off to some magical place via the storybook du jour.

Getting the books from the library is a completely different story. Especially when Sienna is involved.

We make a weekly trip to our local library and usually this means I take both kids by myself. My son loves these outings and at the age of 4 is able to handle the rules: quiet voices, walking feet, gentle fingers. We repeat these simple phrases the entire way there in the car...it is our "mantra"...which apparently only works so far for my son. Sienna obediently says the words with us but I know that her brain is thinking other thoughts. Devilish two and half year old thoughts. All I can say is...poor library...poor mommy...and here we go. A recent visit went something like this:

I made a point to be there at 10:00 am on the dot because this was when the library opened. I also figured that at that time there would be less people to grace with our presence. Our mission was to enter quietly and head straight to the kids' section to quickly select our books and then get out as soon as possible. Of course it would've been great to sit down and snuggle up in a nook to peruse books with my kids, but Sienna, of course, had other ideas.

First of all, telling a two year old to be quiet in a library is like telling her to not breathe. She has only one noise level to operate on: loud. Then there are the aisles that must just scream "RUN RUN RUN" to her and so she does. Add that to the fact that all of those lovely books lined up on the shelves happen to look oh so tempting to touch. Note: my daughter has proven capable of emptying an entire row of books in less than 10 seconds flat. By this time, I was starting to get the "looks" from the librarians which seemed to say, "Woman, why can't you control your child?"

Yeah, I know. Control her...yes, what a brilliant concept.

Hah.

With my arms laden in books I finally made my way to the checkout counter with Devin following right behind me and Sienna...well at least I knew she was still in the library because I could hear her from across the way loudly telling someone her name. I dropped the books on the counter, told Devin to stay put and went to go retrieve my daughter before she could dismantle anything else. She of course did NOT like this plan and decided that instead it would be the perfect time to throw one of her tantrums...she hadn't had one in for at least 45 minutes, so what better place to toss one in? I carefully carried her thrashing body to the front to try to complete the transaction only to find out from the kind librarian checking us out that we had a late fee of $1.50 (of course we did!) She took one look at the flailing child in my arms and quietly said, "I'll just let it slide this one time..." while she hastily handed us our books.

Whew.

After strapping both kids into their seats I then settled myself into my own spot and tried to calm my brain. I was embarrassed, I was frustrated, I was NEVER GOING BACK. Sienna and libraries just didn't mix. And that's when I heard it, her sweet little voice saying in a very normal way: "That was fun! Can we go again Mommy? I wike the wibrary!"

Good grief.

So today I really wasn't sure what to be thankful for...but then it hit me. I am thankful for my daughter's short memory...because I want her to view the library as a fun place and to want to go back. I just know that developmentally she is not quite ready unless it is a one on one experience where I can provide more adequate supervision. She needs that guidance to be able to learn how to exist in a library.

Until then, she has been 86'd...and hopefully the librarians have a short memory as well.

Fair Play...

Fair is not always equal.

It's a statement that has been proven time and time again in my life...but also one I firmly believe in. We don't always have the same needs as each other so it would make sense that we would require different things to get those "needs" met. It's definitely a hard concept to explain to children as it appears they believe that no matter what--everyone should always be the same. My daughter had a very hard time when my son had his birthday--she just didn't understand WHY there weren't any presents for her to open. We tried to explain the situation but it didn't do any good...she wasn't hearing any of it. As far as she was concerned she was getting the shaft and we were to blame. End of story.

Lately we have noticed that our daughter has tried very hard to keep up with her older brother. From trying to ride her "big girl" bike to repeating statements she hears him say...she is his perfect little shadow. Always watching...always absorbing...always idolizing her Devin. She refuses to sleep unless he is in the room with her and she has never known a life without him. They really are two peas in a pod.

Tonight I got to experience yet another fascination that Sienna has with Devin. His ability to pee standing up.

Yes, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

I don't have to go into many details other than to say that A. she was ultimately unsuccessful and B. I had a huge mess to clean up when she was through. She has been obsessed with this skill that boys have (and girls just don't) and had been talking it about it for weeks now...not willing to accept that she just couldn't make it happen. A common conversation might have gone something like this:

Sienna: (while sitting on the toilet) "Boys stand up..."
Mommy: "Yes, you're right...boys do stand up. Girls sit down...ALWAYS."
Sienna: "Why?"
Mommy: "Because they just do."
Sienna: "I want to stand up. I have a penis. I am a boy. I can stand up too."
Mommy: "Sienna, you are a girl and no you cannot stand up. Girls sit down."
Sienna: "I want a penis! I'm a boy! I don't wike you! I want to STAND UP!!!!!"

It was a tough argument for sure. And one that I was obviously not very convincing at.

No, fair is not always equal and we don't all end up at the same place. It is usually a messy journey but in the end...hopefully...we all get what we need.

Tonight I am thankful for my daughter's perseverance. Despite the fact that I kept telling her NO about something she wanted to do she decided to take a chance and try it anyways. As a parent, I am secretly excited by this...it demonstrates to me that she might hit roadblocks in her life but that she also has the will to keep trying to find a way around them.

Now, if only her "experiments" didn't have to happen in my bathroom...

Slipping Away...

It is hardest to remember to make time for ourselves.

Usually my only alone time during the day is when I am in the bathroom...and lately not even then as my daughter will bang relentlessly on the door until I let her in.

Any parent can probably agree that with children your time is limited because from the very beginning our kids demand everything from us. Whether they are younger or on the older side, there are always many activities pulling us in various directions. We go from around the clock feedings and diaper changes to soccer practices and then eventually to glorified chauffeur. Yes, it can be taxing to say the least.

I noticed that as the needs of my kids grew my own needs seemed to fall to the side. As much as I'd like to, I have never been one to lead a "balanced" life...I tend to go all or nothing with everything I do. This can be beneficial in some cases but also detrimental in others. When my son was born I found it extremely difficult to balance the challenges of motherhood with work and my own personal interests. Exercise fell to the side, dates with my husband were few and far between, and girl time with friends was completely obsolete. It was definitely an adjustment, and one I did not always make very well because even though I was gaining a new member into my life I felt like I was slowly losing me.

It happens...and it is scary.

I knew I had to make some changes so slowly I started adding the missing pieces back into my life. I dusted off my yoga mat and workout shoes and decided that losing that hour of sleep was worth it for the sanity I gained from the exercise. My husband and I put date night on the calendar and banned "kid" talk from the entire evening...and remembered why we liked each other to begin with. Girl time was slipped in here and there and was absolutely wonderful.

I was back.

It's ironic, but I found that when I sacrificed some of the limited time for ME I was a better parent, wife and friend. Now when I am about to go out for an evening my son is notorious for questioning me endlessly on WHY he can't join me. I kindly tell him that mommy needs time for herself and he looks at me with his huge brown eyes and asks, "But why Mommy???"

My response to that is always, "Because Mommy loves you..."

I know myself well enough to understand that I need to have something that is solely mine in order to be whole. As much as I adore my children I also enjoy working...I like to have some adult time with friends...and I know that I cannot be a "present" parent if these things are missing.

So today I am thankful for all the stolen moments where I get to be me. My hope is that I am modeling a healthy habit for my kids by showing them that it is not only okay to take time for yourself, but that it is necessary practice in life.

Even if it means locking the door and ignoring all the raging protests from the other side...

It's Your Choice...

I recently read an interesting article on line (Parenting.com) about whether or not being a parent makes you happier. The article was originally from New Yorker Magazine and talked about how most people with children are in fact NOT happier than their childless friends are. I found this to be very interesting and it has stuck with me for the last few days.

I would have to say that parenting is the hardest task I have ever taken on. The physical demands (lack of sleep!!) as well as the emotional demands far outweigh anything I've dealt with so far in my life. The fact that I am constantly responsible for the health and well being of two little extra "someones" besides myself is a huge undertaking and one I don't take lightly. It is constant...it is 24 hours a day...it is EXHAUSTING. And I am a person who is happily married with a steady job and a fabulous support system of extended family nearby. I cannot even begin to fathom what a single parent goes through or what the stress level of their parenting job is.

So does this mean I am less happy now that I have kids?

Well, that is of course a tough question. Ask me this, perhaps, on a day when my 2 1/2 year old is throwing one of her spectacular temper tantrums in the middle of the grocery store and I might pause a moment before really answering...

I have always personally felt that happiness is a state of mind that we can make or break depending on our perspective. Am I happier now that I am never ever alone? Am I happier now that I have endless responsibilities? Am I happier now that I have worries and sleepless nights spent wondering whether or not I am raising my children the best way that I can?

Not too long ago, my son celebrated his fourth birthday and we filled his day with fun activities from start to finish. The zoo, soccer practice, a favorite restaurant for dinner, and of course...presents. I could tell that he loved every minute of it and at the end of HIS day he gave me the biggest hug and whispered, "Mommy, this was my BEST birthday ever..." His words were sweet and filled me up inside. I felt "happy" and for good reason..the day was extraordinary, moods were light and things were good.

There are also the recent days where nothing seems to go right. Kids are whiny, cranky, sick, whiny, needy, clingy, WHINY...and all you can think of is, "What the heck was I THINKING when I signed up for this thing called parenting anyways???" Those are the days where by the end of the day you have more than earned your MOM badge and perhaps question your happiness with life as you know it. These are also the same days where the "happiness" might come in small moments or glimmers that you have to quickly grab onto and catch when you can. The hug after the temper tantrum, the unexpected snuggle before bedtime, the "I love you Mommy" when you least expect it.

So, going back to my original question...am I happier now that I have children? The answer is yes... but in a different way than before as my definition of "happy" has changed over the years. "Happiness is a sleeping child..." is a statement I wholeheartedly agree with now but probably wouldn't have ever thought of before kids. I won't say that there aren't moments or days where it is very hard to find it, but yes I am happy and thankful for all the challenges that children bring with them.

Then again, I believe happiness is something you also have to find within yourself and not depend on from other people. My children can't make me happy, my husband can't make me happy, my dog can't even make me happy. I have to actively choose to BE happy.

Temper tantrums and all.

**Note: The original article I mentioned above can be found at http://www.parenting.com/new/blogs/show-and-tell/alina-parentingcom/does-having-kids-make-you-less-happy

Privacy Glass...

Someone once said: "If you want the attention of your children, get on the phone..."

Well, I'm going to add on to that. If you want the attention of your children, get on the phone, converse with friends, try to make dinner, do laundry, go to the bathroom, work on the computer, balance the checkbook...the list goes on and on and on.

It never fails at our home--my kids can be in the far reaches of the house doing whatever it is that they do there (making mischief no doubt) and then the phone can ring. It's like they have sensors in their brains that go off whenever they hear that electronic sound: "DING--mom's on the phone...time to go!"

Recently I was trying to make an appointment for my car to be serviced. I fed my kids breakfast and sent them downstairs to watch cartoons thinking that that would guarantee me at least 15 minutes of "quiet time" so that I could take care of what I needed to.

Yah, right.

I was speaking to the car dealership when my son comes running up the stairs and decides that now is the time to have a conversation with me.

Mommy: (speaking to the dealership on the phone) "So, I would like to bring my car in next week..."
Devin: "Mommy, mommy MOMMY, MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!"
Mommy: "Devin, I am on the phone, this is my turn. Go watch your cartoons..."
Devin: "Mommy, Sienna pooped. You need to change her..."
Mommy: "Yes, Thursday will be fine...Devin, go downstairs!" (the last part hissed through gritted teeth)
Devin: (louder now) "Mommy, Sienna popped. You are being a BAD mommy, you need to change her NOW!"
*note at this point the gentleman on the phone has heard me trying to dissuade my son from talking to me and has heard all of the interruptions so he kindly asks if I need to call him back. I tell him no...
Devin: "Mommy, Sienna pooped and took off her diaper...and YOU are going to be so mad at her and I told her that boys pee outside and that girls pee in the toilet and that she is a girl and has a 'gina and that Daddy is going to be really mad because she is jumping on the couch...MOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY YOU ARE NOT WISTENING TO ME AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At this point I abandon my conversation and decide that A. it is pointless to try to talk on the phone with a 4 year old around and B. I REALLY need to go investigate whether or not Sienna did in fact take off her poopy diaper. That is something I cannot ignore.

I think that ignoring is skill that as parents we have to hone. There are many instances in my day where I actively choose to IGNORE what is happening around me. For instance, when Devin is showing Sienna how easy it is to jump off of the top of the couch. Or, when Sienna decides to chant "toopid mommy" over and over and over and over and OVER again while riding in the car. (I swear they know that we can't reach them in the backseat so they let it all fly freely back there...), Or perhaps, when the kids are irritating the heck out of each other, picking and picking and PICKING til it seems that someone will not survive the situation. Oh yes, I have become a master at ignoring. Sometimes.

Other times I over pick my battles and definitely feel like I need to ignore MORE. We can't "catch" everything and we definitely can't mediate EVERY situation. If we tried we would go insane very quickly. Like before noon on a good day.

So today while I was driving home listening to the constant bickering going on in the backseat I decided that I was thankful for the radio, which I was able to successfully blast over them. I also dreamt of privacy glass and wondered how much it would be to install in my rig...

Realistic? Probably not...but hey...we all do whatever we can to get by.

Slowing Down...

Today we had a great day and we did absolutely nothing.

Well, actually, we did a lot but we did it all from home. Lately it feels like our lives have been very busy...going going going. Soccer, camping, play dates, field trips, holiday gatherings...it really can make the time fly so quickly and before you know it, it's been weeks since you had a "home" day. My favorite. I could sense a day of "nothing" was needed from the moods of my kids and decided that today we would NOT get in the car...we would NOT be persuaded to go to the store for "just one thing"...we would NOT leave our house.

It was divine.

It also helped that the weather was cooperative...we live in a state where if you see sun you GET OUTSIDE!! The gorgeous blue sky was an amazing gift and we were not going to waste it. As soon as we were done with breakfast, we got dressed and we were out the door to explore the yard and all it had to offer. My son had received an air rocket for his 4th birthday so we decided to start the day off with some trial runs. After the mandatory safety discussion (no you cannot shoot your sister...no you cannot shoot yourself...) we had those rockets launching all over our cul-de-sac. Of course, my safety talk only went so far as soon enough my kids had found a way around my "rules" and were shooting each other in the butts. Kids.

It was actually a great day and for once my kids played well (mostly) without any intervening from me. I was able to mow, rake and water the lawn, clean up around the outside of our house AND make lunch with maybe only 2 temper tantrums from Sienna which is a record by far. Naps were easy (gasp!!) and afterwards we again headed outside to enjoy every last bit of sunshine we could soak up. My mom stopped by in the late afternoon so we set up some lawn chairs and decided to crack open a chilled bottle of wine to enjoy while the kids played nearby in the yard. I almost couldn't believe what an amazing day we had had.

Our discussion turned to kids, specifically my kids, and how some days are easier while other times are so challenging and tough. My husband and I have had quite a run lately with Sienna and have really had to dig deep to find new ways to work through her headstrong ways. I love questioning my mom on topics like this, as if maybe she has the magic answer that will instantly make my life easier. I happened to ask her the number one question that all parents must ask at one point or another:

"Are my kids normal?"

Of course, right after I asked this I happened to look over at my own sweet children just in time to see that my son had tied my daughter to the electrical box in our yard. "We're playing puppy, mommy...see...Sienna is the puppy!" Meanwhile, Sienna was screaming bloody murder because she most definitely DIDN'T want to be tied to the electrical box OR be a puppy.

Sigh...

You see, "home" days can bring out the best in everyone. The creativity needed to make the yard outside your personal "playground" is great for kids. Why would you need swing sets or jungle gyms when you have electrical boxes and climbing rope?

Today I am thankful that my kids are creative beings who can find the good in any situation around them. Give them a new toy and they will love the box the most, finding new and exciting ways to use it that I could probably never even think of.

I'm also thankful my son doesn't know how to tie a really good knot just yet. For the record, we were able to rescue Sienna from her "puppy" days easily enough. Although, I never did get the answer to my question about whether or not my kids were "normal"...

The jury is still out on that one.

New Words...

Yesterday was my turn.

I had a temper tantrum...well really to be honest I had an all day long temper tantrum. Now that I am past it I can of course take complete ownership of my behavior and think of the many ways I could handle things differently next time. But yesterday, when I was in the thick of it, the only thing I could think of was, "For the love of god, will this day EVER end???"

My kids sensed my mood from the instant they woke up and of course, you already know how that goes. They were surly with each other, whiny with me and all around obstinate at every turn.

Sienna, my second born, decided to have the biggest go around with me. She, being 2 1/2, instantly recognized my state of mind and knew it well as she lives in the age of temper tantrums. Heck, she throws at least 3 of them daily if not more. This was HER turf. SHE was the queen of this mental state...no one was going to take HER crown.

Mommy: "Sienna, lay down so I can change your diaper." (said with as much calmness as I could muster at that moment)
Sienna: (with a bulging diaper she's worn all night) "NO! Mommy YOU are 'tinky. I don't wike you. I no go pee pee. DON'T CHANGE MY DIAPER! Toopid mommy..."

Mommy: "Sienna, it's time for breakfast. Here are your cheerios."
Sienna: "Cheerios 'toopid. I don't wike Cheerios. You are a 'toopid mommy."
Mommy: "Sienna, those are hurtful words and you may not say hurtful things. You may eat your Cheerios or you may get down."
Sienna: "I don't wike Cheerios. That's poop."
Mommy: "Sienna, you can get down, you chose to not eat your Cheerios."
*insert action of the entire bowl of Cheerios being dumped on the floor. I won't mention what I said next...


Mommy: "Sienna, time to get dressed so we can go to the park. Do you want the pink shirt or the green shirt?"
Sienna: "I no wear clothes. Clothes are 'toopid."
*note: at this point I had HAD it with the morning, had it with being called "toopid", had it with the obstinance...I lost my cool...I started my OWN temper tantrum...
Mommy: "DAMMIT Sienna! Get over here and get dressed!!!"
Devin: "Dammit Sienna!
Mommy: "Devin, don't say that word!"
Devin: "Dammit Sienna, where is my water bottle? Dammit, I have to go to the bathroom. Dammit I think I am hungry. Dammit, maybe we can go to Grandma's house?"

Okay, you get my point. My son had found a new word and he was letting it fly freely. He used it before every statement for at least the next hour. A common question about the sky would be precluded by "Dammit..." I kept reminding him that it was not a word to be said and his response was, "But mommy, you said it." Great.

Eventually I climbed out of my temper tantrum "day" (just in time to climb into bed) and was able to reflect on our morning. Yes, my own mood most definitely had an effect on my kids' day. Yes, my patience was worn VERY thin for situations that normally wouldn't ruffle my feathers. Yes, I need to watch my language in front of my kids.

Bottom line is, we all have moments. We all have days where our emotions are right at the surface just waiting to be rubbed the wrong way. Our stress levels are high and day-to-day worries are more present. My "problem" had nothing really to do with my family or anyone around me...it was just a tough day. We all have them and so do our kids. I know how I felt...all I really wanted was a big hug and to be snuggled up and told, "It's all going to work out. You will get through this. It's going to be okay."

Today I was thankful for my husband, who when he came home from work provided me with these things...and a big glass of wine. With refills.

So now, the next time one of my kids has a "moment" I am going to try to remember that what they really need is an extra hug, extra patience, extra support. I can't stop the bad days from happening but I can at least help them get through them.

Without learning any new "special" words.

Say Grandpa...

My kids get to spend a lot of time with their grandparents.

Part of the reason behind that is proximity, we live about a mile away, close enough to walk. My mother has an amazing bond with all of her grand kids and has watched all of them at different times, completely loving every minute of it. My father is also very close with all of the kids and it has been so fun to watch him interact with the various ages and stages they have gone through. My dad taught my son to walk (had him in " training" daily for sure) and also bought him his first Harley Davidson--a rocking horse version of course. They are both amazing grandparents.

When I had to return to work 6 weeks after my son Devin was born (YIKES!!) my parents watched him full time and I was ever so thankful for that gift. My mom's energy is endless and my son definitely tested every limit of it. Both of my kids were fussy up until abut 3 months of age when all of a sudden these happy babies appeared out of nowhere like a light had just been turned on. It was rough to say the leas,t and there were MANY MANY days of non-stop crying. Any parent who has gone through this can relate...it is very tough to remain sane during periods of crying like that. My daughter, being the wonderful child that she is, refused to drink a single sip of breast milk from a bottle and boy oh boy, those were sure some fun times. Often I would pick her up after work and she would STILL be screaming, seeming to say, "Where the hell have you been woman??? I am HUNGRY!" Again, my mom took it all in stride and never skipped a beat. I tell you, the woman is a saint.

The relationship between my son and my father was unique from the start. Devin took to him instantly and I always marveled at how easy it was for my dad...easier than when us kids were young. I heard my dad saying things that I didn't remember him saying to us as kids or just laughing off tough times. His response: "They are not mine and at the end of the day they go home." (Sometimes I wish I had benefits like that...) Anyhow, it was my son Devin who came up with a nickname for my father that would stick for some time. When Devin was about a year old the following "conversation" occurred:

Grandma: "Devin, say Grandma..."
Devin: "AAAAAAhhhhh--Maaaaaaaaaa"
Grandma: "Oh yay Devin! Say Grandma again..."
Devin: "AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh-Maaaaaaaaaa"
*insert much clapping and celebrating as Devin had come up with a name for Grandma..."AhMa" would stick for some time.
Grandma: "Okay Devin, now say Grandpa...
Devin: "Doh Doh"
Grandma: "No Devin...say Grandpa...see there is Grandpa, say GRANDPA"
Devin: "Doh Doh...DOH DOH!"
*Note: by this point my father had entered the room and was joining in the quest to hear his name said...but realizes that his first grandson is now calling him Doh Doh...
Grandpa: "Devin, look at me...say Grrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddpaaaaa..." (said in a drawn out way in order to hear all the sounds)
Devin: "GRrrrrrrrrr...DOH DOH! DOH DOH! DOH DOH!"
Grandpa: "Grandma--did you tell him to call me Doh Doh? That is not fair...you taught him that! He can't call me Doh Doh..."
Devin: "Doh doh! Doh doh! Doh doh!!!"

Yes, the name was fixed.

My son called my dad Doh Doh for an entire year. This was great fun to the rest of us (who at times thought my dad WAS in fact a doh doh) and always interesting to see the looks on strangers' faces when they heard the name said. We think it was probably a play on "Da Da" but deep down...it was hysterical. My dad ended up not minding the affectionate moniker after a while, or having to explain exactly why his grandson was calling him Doh Doh when he would receive puzzled looks. Eventually Devin settled with "Gwampa" on his own and the name disappeared just like that. I was sad to see it go.

Family is important and the bonds that tie us all together are unique in every way. I am thankful that my kids get the chance to know their grandparents in a way that I never had the chance to with my own grandparents. It wasn't that my parents didn't try to provide opportunities for us to spend time with them. It's just that living in Alaska can be tough on travel and when grandparents live far away a lot of memories are missed out on.

And a lot of fun names.

Round and Round We go...

Sometimes I feel like my life is run by my kids' schedules. Sleep schedules...feeding schedules...activity schedules...schedules schedules schedules. It is easy to feel like a hamster on that wheel of life running from one regimented thing to another. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the benefits a structured lifestyle provides for my children. Nap times are essential at our house because I need the break as much as they do in order to stay one step ahead...or at the very least keep up.

It's when our day deviates from our regular schedule that the real fun begins.

Recently my husband and I took our kids to the theater to see a new movie with characters that they were familiar with. We knew our oldest would enjoy the experience thoroughly and would be able to focus even though it is a long time to sit for a 3 1/2 year old. Sienna, on the other hand, was our wild card. We knew she would enjoy watching the movie...for about 15 minutes. After that? Well let's just say that we went against our gut feeling and brought her along and decided to hope for the best.

Never a good thing to do with a 2 1/2 year old.

We arrived at the theater for the mid-morning showing thinking that at that time there would be mostly kids in the theater so our kids wouldn't be any louder than the rest. I armed us with snacks and popcorn and we found our seats just before the movie was about to begin so the kids wouldn't have to sit any longer than necessary. We chose an end seat so if one of us had to get up it wouldn't be a hassle for anyone else. Oh yes, we were prepared.

Or so we thought.

So the movie began and started off great. Our kids were silent and engaged and I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief. This WAS good idea. Yes, there was popcorn everywhere (like a bomb had gone off) but everyone was happy. Yes, the sippy cups were no where to be found in the dark (we had to retrieve them later from underneath the seats in front of us). Things were going so well that at about halfway through I decided to take a bathroom break. I didn't say anything to my husband as I quietly slipped out and made my way to the restroom. Thinking that they wouldn't even notice that I was gone I took my time and even wandered to the concession stand to buy a special treat for my kids before heading back in.

I knew I had made a mistake the minute I hit the door of the theater. The high pitched wailing hit me like a ton of bricks. "I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnttttt mooooooooooommmmmmmyyyyyy....I want mommy I want mommy...I WANT MOMMY!!! Where is mommy? How could mommy weave me? Where is mommy? WHERE IS MY MOMMY???"
I quickly made my way to my seat and found my husband trying to restrain a hysterical Sienna who was thrashing and flailing and yelling at the top of her lungs. I grabbed her and tried my hardest to console her while catching seething glances from the other theater goers nearest to us. My husband whispered to me through gritted teeth, "Don't ever do that to me again...she started screaming the minute you left! Next time take her with you!"

Oops.

You see, change is hard for all of us and especially for my Sienna. She needs the schedule. She needs the predictable. She needs to know at all times that I am right where she needs me to be. Even in the dark of a movie theater. Especially in the dark of a movie theater.

So tonight as I sit and think of the schedule driven regimented day behind me I am thankful for the predictable. I am thankful that my kids know what is coming next and what to expect. Spontaneity has its special place in our lives and when sprinkled in small does creates wonderful memories.

Maybe being that "hamster" isn't so bad after all.

In Charge...

"Mommy...you're NOT coming to my birthday party!!!"

Yes, that is my son's almost 4 year old version of control. It appeared after I had told him no in response to something he wanted to do. (The nerve of me...sheesh!) Lately he seems to be uninviting me on an average of at least 3 times a day...I must be doing something right.

I'm discovering that control is a tricky thing...we want our children to be IN control yet we don't want to CONTROL them. Where does that fine line lay? Is duct tape involved?

I am of course a "Type A" personality...which means if it is in my life and I can control it I will. This can be helpful in some situations but also quite hindering in others. It comes in handy as a teacher with my 5th grade students (I tend to be VERY organized) but I am also pretty sure my husband hates it. Yes...he hates it.

It's been interesting watching my own children experiment with control in various ways. When my daughter was 18 months old she would refuse to poop JUST BECAUSE SHE COULD. My son is constantly taking toys away from Sienna JUST BECAUSE HE CAN. I've also witnessed Devin trying to exercise mental control over my daughter by saying, "Sienna...if you give me the car I will love you forever..." or "Sienna I will be your best friend if you let me have your chocolate..." Yes control is something we seem to pick up at an early age.

But why?

In my eyes self control is the ultimate goal and one that I would hope my own children will be able to achieve. Oh yes, I can hear it now...the laughter at the fact that I am hoping for self control from a 2 1/2 year old and an almost 4 year old when I at the nice age of 36 struggle with it daily.

How many cookies have I eaten when I knew I didn't need another?
How many words have popped out of my mouth that really should have stayed put?
How many days have I pushed snooze INSTEAD of getting up to exercise?

Control is hard. It is hard to control someone else (and also tends to be a losing battle) but it is also equally as hard to trust someone to control themselves and JUST LET GO. I am constantly quizzing my friends with older kids and asking, "How did you hand over the car keys...don't you remember what YOU did when you were handed the keys????" Their answers aren't uniquely profound, just that they would have faith that they taught their kids well and then hope for the best. And worry. A lot.

So now we are back to the beginning and my son's statement aimed at me about being uninvited to his birthday party. I can tell you what I really wanted to say: "Whatever you little turd...fine then but I am taking my present with me so THERE!!"...but I didn't. Instead I looked at him and said, "You seem upset...let's see if we can find a way to fix this problem together. How can I help you with what you need?"

No really I didn't say that...but doesn't that sound good?

What I really said isn't important but I can tell you this. I didn't take over. I didn't rob from him the chance to work through his "upset" on his own or with a little help from me. For this I am thankful because for once I was able to LET GO.

And for the record...I've been invited to the party once again...at least for today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

A Little Goes a Long Way...

The little white lie.

We've all told them...heck I tell them daily to my own kids.

Devin: "Mommy, can I have some cookies?"
Mommy: "Nope, they are all gone..." ( as I am secretly stuffing one into my mouth from behind the pantry door)

Sienna: "Mommy, I want to bring Baby Ella in the car..."
Mommy: "Oh Sienna, Baby Ella has to stay home and keep your bed safe."
Sienna: "Baby Ella go bye bye! NOW!"
Mommy: "Sienna, Baby Ella is not feeling good, let's leave her home so she can get better...we don't want her to get an owie shot..."

Devin: "I want to go to the park today, can we go to the park?"
Sienna: "Yah...PARK PARK PARRRRRRRRRK!!!"
*note, it is late in the day and the park is no where near being in our plans
Mommy: "No, we cannot go to the park today, it is time to go home and make dinner."
Devin: (whining now) "But I want to go to the park, I want to slide...you NEVER let me do anything!!!"
Sienna: "PARK PARK PARK PARK PAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKK!!!"
Mommy: "Oh my goodness...did you know the park was closed today? Well I guess we will have to go tomorrow..."

Yes, you see...little white lies come in handy now and then. I know it sounds terrible and I am cringing as I type this. I happen to be a HUGE advocate of teaching kids how to handle "upset" but darn it...sometimes it just doesn't work and a little fib here and there can usually smooth things over quite nicely.

That is, until the little fib comes out of the mouth of your child.

Enter a conversation I had with my children earlier this summer about a "present" we found outside in the back yard. Mind you this present wasn't one that we were pleased to find. It smelled horrible and belonged in a toilet. I'm sure you can get my drift.

Mommy: "Whoa...what the heck is this? Did Kula go in the yard? Devin, did you see Kula go to the bathroom in the yard?" (Mind you, our dog Kula has NEVER pooped in our yard...he has no problem going in everyone else's yard but finds it unpleasant to go in his own yard...go figure)
Devin: (oozing with innocence) "Oh yes Mommy...he did. I saw him. BAD KUWA! KUWA needs to go in time out because he is not awowed to go poop in the yard."
Mommy: "UGGG...okay let me clean it up..."
*note--this is the where I get an up close view of the offending mess (yuck) and realize that there is corn in it. Okay, so I know for a fact that Kula has not had any corn in his recent diet. Ironically enough, WE had corn last night for dinner...things instantly click into place.
Mommy: "Ummm, Devin...are you sure you saw Kula go to the bathroom in the yard? It's okay to tell me if you didn't...Mommy won't be mad."
Devin: (again said with nothing but innocence) "Yes Mommy, I saw him. I watched him do it. Kula did it. Right Sienna?"
Sienna: "Kula poops in the yard. NO POOPS IN THE YARD!"
Mommy: "Devin, I know Kula didn't do this. Did you go to the bathroom in the yard? Tell Mommy the truth, I won't be mad...I PROMISE..." (said with a bit of annoyance and completely laced with little white lies...)

This conversation went a little further before finally I got the confession I had been waiting for. Apparently Devin had been playing outside and figured well heck...he can pee outside so why couldn't he do the other as well? We had a VERY important talk about WHY this was not acceptable and also why it was so important to ALWAYS tell the truth. Especially to your mother.

Yes, I know...irony at its best.

You see...I got schooled that day...I had karma come back and toss my stuff right back at me and for good reason. Does this mean I won't ever tell another white lie to my kids?

Not exactly.

But it does mean that I will try my best to explain the real reason behind things rather than taking the "easy" way out with a fib.
No you can't have a cookie cause Mommy was a cookie monster and chose to eat the last of them all by herself.
No Baby Ella can't come with us because toys stay at home in order to keep them safe.
And no we can't go to the park because mommy is a grouch and doesn't feel like it right now.

So today I am thankful for the opportunity to try again and do better next time.

Still doesn't mean I plan on sharing the cookies.

Thicker Than Water...

It really is an interesting relationship that siblings have. Friendships develop without much of a choice really...you are invariably thrown into this life with other humans that share the same genes and voila...siblings. As the oldest child I have two younger brothers whom I have always been close with that share my particular gene pool. Mostly we have gotten along fairly easy, some times better than others, but always sharing the understanding that blood is thicker than water.

Oh, we've definitely tested those bonds over the years. There was the one time I dropped my brother off of a second story deck by prying his fingers off of the railing one at a time. (That went over REALLY well with my mom...) There was another time that I provided alcohol for youngest brother that ended VERY VERY badly (another one that went over well with my mom) and of course all of the times not really appropriate to mention on this forum. Yes...we've had our "moments" to say the least.

I often look at my own two children and wonder about the bond that ties them together. On Sienna's second day of life we decided to get Devin a bit closer to her to really introduce him to his new baby sister. As a crazy 18 month old we weren't too sure how much he really realized about the situation other than someone else was taking mommy and daddy's time. He climbed up on the bed beside her and peered into her small shriveled face as if he was trying to recognize someone...then the promptly picked up the wipe container and chucked it at her head.

Yeah...not a great start.

The relationship between my two children has grown over the past few years...they are either loving on each other or completely driving each other insane. Usually if I ask who was responsible for something happening the guaranteed answer will be "Sienna did it..." Common phrases in our house tend to be "She's bothering me...she's looking at me...she's breathing on me..." At times like these where I am at my wit's end all I can think to say in response is... "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...GET USED TO IT!!"

There are also the tender moments that are few and far between but sweet enough to last a lifetime. There's Devin standing up to a boy at the park screaming, "That's MY sister and she's MY Sienna...", which really means "that is MY sister and I am the only one allowed to terrorize her so BACK OFF!" Or the times when Sienna gets into trouble with something that she has done and Devin will come to her rescue by saying, "Don't worry Sienna, mommy is just cwanky. It will all be okay...". And then of course there are the nights that Sienna can be found sneaking into Devin's bed and then cuddled up next to him in the morning. All in all, it's enough to truly melt your heart.

Yes indeed, siblings are an interesting thing. I personally am ever so thankful for the relationships I have with my own two brothers and one of my hopes is that my children can experience that same closeness with each other in their lifetimes as well.

I do not, however, wish to see either of my children being "pried" off of the deck by the other...although something tells me that with these two, nothing is impossible.